84 replies to this topic

[AliKat]

* Hmmm... another interesting thread topic perhaps -- Deal Breakers!

Hey, I'm good at those!

Having survived several train wrecks (not literal ones, figurative ones) in the past, I'm not so sure about the whole concept of "soulmates"; there have been a few that I've felt that instant click with, but just weren't able to build a relationship for the long haul. I should mention that most of my relationships tend to develop rapidly, burn intensely, then end spectacularly in showers of sparks and flames; I don't believe in doing anything halfway. Must be the Scots-Irish ancestry. I'm not suggesting that I have bad judgement; I just haven't actually used it very often with relationships. I frequently know when something isn't going to work, but forge on at flank speed anyway. I guess I'm just hard-headed that way (and that's definately due to the Scots-Irish lineage!).

I only have a few hard-and-fast "dealbreakers" that I look for:

1. Lack of intellect: not expecting a genius, mind you, but nothing is more irritating to me than trying to discuss current events, history, or culture with someone who responds with blank stares, inappropriate giggling, or any sort of drool. Glazed eyeballs are a big "keep away" sign for me.

2. Lack of ambition: if she wants to find someone to marry so she can sit on the couch and eat bonbons all day, she's outta luck with me. She doesn't have to be a world traveler or a mega-successful businesswoman (although I'm not too proud to marry money ), but I would like to see her setting the bar a little higher than head waitress at the Waffle House.

3. Incompatible sense of humor: I have an often dry, often obtuse sense of humor than not everyone gets. If the names Douglas Adams or John Cleese don't ring any bells, she gets the big blowoff. It just wouldn't work.

4. Being a manipulative, dishonest, or game-playing...er, you get the point: just not gonna happen. I have neither the time nor the patience to put up with the drama. See ya!

5. Severe indecision: not talking about the occasional "Oh, heck, let's just pick a place to eat", I'm talking about not knowing what she wants out of the relationship and putting all the big decisions on me. Hey, I'm looking for a partner, not a submissive "Yes, dear" type. If she doesn't contribute to charting the course, she gets thrown off the boat. Not with my scuba gear, either.

6. Lack of communication: c'mon, lady. Ya gotta tell me what you think or what you want; I failed the mind reading course miserably. And by the way: I'm a guy. Subtle hints don't work on me. You have to make them big and obvious if I'm going to catch on.

7. Dislike of cats: no, really. I'm a cat person, always have been, always will be. If I have to choose between Peanut (my current kitty) and her, well, it's a heck of a lot cheaper to feed Peanut. I'm keeping the cat.

Other than that, most everything else can be either solved or accommodated.

Cheers!

Jim

Too bad you're not a little older and closer to Hawaii

As for soul mates, God owns my soul, so if He has a mate out there for me (and I believe He does; hasn't convince me yet I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life), He will put us together when the time is right. I don't believe in fate, but I do believe in Faith.

[drbill]

Deal breakers?

Smoking! No question about it. I'm not totally intolerant... my housemate smokes but is extremely respectful and never smokes in the house.

Non-diver: Could possibly be overlooked if this were her only flaw and she were drop dead gorgeous, brilliant, rich and willing to support my diving and research (and go with me).

Lacking in intelligence! Not necessary intellect as it is usually used.

No sense of humor! Tested by how many of my jokes she understands... and laughs at.

Inflexible, unable to roll with the punches: Doesn't blow a gasket when something unexpected happens.

Game player: Unless in reference to board games. Actually, I don't like playing those either.


The shallow stoppers:

Large breasts, especially artificially enhanced: Exception for those who required enhancement due to surgery.

Poorly shaped legs: What can I say, I'm a leg man. Gotta have those gams.

[annasea]

Please note a Deal Breakers thread has been started HERE.

[Walter]

1. How do you define soul mate?

Someone with who you click in many areas, you enjoy each other's company and with who you have a mutual deep love and passion. Mutual sexual attractiveness is an important aspect.

2. Is it realistic to believe this sense of *souldom* will last forever?

Yes.

3. The world is so big, and most people's circles are so small in relation. What are the chances that you'll find this person in the first place?

You want odds, go to a bookie. I believe those with open hearts are likely to find one of the many people with who they can have a wonderful life.

4. People often say they don't know exactly how they knew their mate was their soul mate; they just did. That's OK when things are good, but what happens if that relationship ends? Does that mean they were wrong?

Yes.

5. Do you think you may have encountered your soul mate in the past, but due to assorted reasons, you lost out because at that time in your life, you weren't prepared to take the plunge?

How would I know? If I wasn't prepared to take the plunge, I wasn't prepared to recognize the opportunity.

6. You've met someone who is absolutely perfect for you in every way except one*. Do you reject them as your potential soul mate because of that one relatively minor 'flaw'?

Of course not, but we all have different ideas about what is minor and what is major. A minor point to you could easily be a major point to me and vice versa.

7. Can you have more than one soul mate in a lifetime? Or are others just people that you feel merely compatible with?

Sure. This isn't magic after all.

8. How many people honestly believe they will ever find their soul mate?

Millions, if not billions, probably believe that.

[annasea]

8. How many people honestly believe they will ever find their soul mate?

Millions, if not billions, probably believe that.

Oh! Perhaps I need to go back and reword this question. What I meant was more along the lines of:

8. How many of you honestly believe there IS a soul mate just for you?

[Walter]

Perhaps the question you really want to as is:

Do you honestly believe there IS a soul mate just for you?

[Dennis]

Here are some questions I'm curious to find answers to:

1. How do you define soul mate?

2. Is it realistic to believe this sense of *souldom* will last forever?

3. The world is so big, and most people's circles are so small in relation. What are the chances that you'll find this person in the first place?

4. People often say they don't know exactly how they knew their mate was their soul mate; they just did. That's OK when things are good, but what happens if that relationship ends? Does that mean they were wrong?

5. Do you think you may have encountered your soul mate in the past, but due to assorted reasons, you lost out because at that time in your life, you weren't prepared to take the plunge?

6. You've met someone who is absolutely perfect for you in every way except one*. Do you reject them as your potential soul mate because of that one relatively minor 'flaw'?

7. Can you have more than one soul mate in a lifetime? Or are others just people that you feel merely compatible with?

8. How many people honestly believe they will ever find their soul mate?

1) Defining a soulmate is not easy for me, but there are more than enough definitions already posted for you to get the idea. They all fit to some extent.

2) Absolutely

3) The odds are better than you might think. I believe there are more than just one person that we can be compatable with. Would it be the same relationship with one of them as opposed to another? Absolutely not.

4) I can tell you that although I was sure I was compatable with Donna, and even though we fit very well together, I was scared to death when I asked her to be my partner in life. (To top it off, she didn't answer for about 6 months. That's another story.) How did I know? I listened to my Dad. He told me that if I found someone that I always wanted to be with (someone that you never felt the need to get away from for any reason), then they are most likely the right person. I was very sure at an earlier point in my life that I had found the right person as well. It didn't work out and I thank God every day that it didn't. We are very good friends to this day and I still care very much for her. But that relationship was not to be, because the feeling was obviously not mutual. I wasn't wrong, she was.

5) See # 4

6) No one is perfect. Not me, not you. There will never be anyone that is absolutely your perfect person. Your soulmate will have flaws that drive you nuts. So will you have flaws that drive them nuts. You live with those flaws and sometimes you even celebrate them. They make life interesting and fun if you have the right attitude.

7) See # 3

8) I know I have found my soul mate.

I hope this helps. And always remember: If you find someone that you always want to be with (someone that you never feel the need to get away from for any reason), then they are most likely the right person. Conversly if you ever just have to get away from that person, you probably need to keep looking.

[annasea]

7. Can you have more than one soul mate in a lifetime? Or are others just people that you feel merely compatible with?

Sure. This isn't magic after all.

Well, I don't know about this one. What then distinguishes between a *soul mate* and someone you're *compatible* with?

I think plenty of people marry others that they are compatible with, and have happy marriages. No?

[Walter]

I think plenty of people marry others that they are compatible with, and have happy marriages. No?

I find it hard to believe one can have a happy marriage otherwise.

[ScubaHawk]

I think plenty of people marry others that they are compatible with, and have happy marriages. No?

I find it hard to believe one can have a happy marriage otherwise.

Funny!

But to address the question - I'm not sure how "compatible" these people are. In America, our divorce rate for 2004 was .37% - meaning .74% of the population got divorced that year. Looking at long term predictions and you get more than 40% of all marriages ending in divorce. It might be a case of short term compatibility, or the lack of willingness to work through the hard times. It looks like people who are not compatible are only having short term happy marriages.

Well, I don't know about this one. What then distinguishes between a *soul mate* and someone you're *compatible* with?

Some one you are "compatible" with is someone you can work in harmony with - to quote the dictionary: "You make an agreeable couple"

A "Soulmate" assumes a supernatural influence. That 2 people are somehow destined to be together. They are given some spiritual energy that "harmonizes" with someone else's spiritual energy making them soulmates.
Doubting if you will ever find your soulmate seems to presuppose an irrational divine being - If the Deity made two souls to be together then it seems rational that they will be joined.

Now if one has a soul and a divine being made a "soul-mate" for this person - then, assuming the infallibility of the Deity, almost half of marriages aren't with "soul-mates" Bringing up the whole quandary - if it works you must be soulmates -but if you are married for 40 years then divorce - the person wasn't your true soulmate after all.

[annasea]

A "Soulmate" assumes a supernatural influence. That 2 people are somehow destined to be together. They are given some spiritual energy that "harmonizes" with someone else's spiritual energy making them soulmates.
Doubting if you will ever find your soulmate seems to presuppose an irrational divine being - If the Deity made two souls to be together then it seems rational that they will be joined.

Now if one has a soul and a divine being made a "soul-mate" for this person - then, assuming the infallibility of the Deity, almost half of marriages aren't with "soul-mates" Bringing up the whole quandary - if it works you must be soulmates -but if you are married for 40 years then divorce - the person wasn't your true soulmate after all.

THIS was the kind of definition I was looking for!

[Walter]

This is funny!

Two people who reject religion are happy with a definition that embraces a deity. I consider myself religious, but I don't believe God has chosen (or designed) mates for us. Irony raises it's ugly (OK, so I enjoy irony) head.

[annasea]

This is funny!

Two people who reject religion are happy with a definition that embraces a deity.  I consider myself religious, but I don't believe God has chosen (or designed) mates for us.  Irony raises it's ugly (OK, so I enjoy irony) head.

Ah, yes, Walter, but I never wrote that I believe in soul mates!

(And I don't think Henry did either! )

And while I generally reject religion, I don't disregard the idea that there's more to life than what we see.

[ScubaHawk]

Because I accept the definition, does not mean I accept the defined.

[Walter]

It's still funny.