84 replies to this topic

[annasea]

OTOH...who wants to pass up Mr. or Ms. Right? Trick is knowing before you are committed past the point of no return.

Who indeed?!

Interesting comment, George, and one that might make a rather interesting thread.



-Indeed it is an interesting topic for a new thread. Great idea Annasea. -SD Staff

[WreckWench]

I wish I could add to this thread...but I'll certainly be watching for some insight. Maybe some of our Married or Spoken For but buddyless divers can help out in this arena?

Eagerly awaiting our usual insightful advice on this one!

[cmt489]

Clearly my judgment is poor in this area so I will not be providing any advice...

[Terri]

Apparently not one of my strengths either!!!

[GentDiver]

You can add me to that list... doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking anytime soon...

Scott

:lam:

[madlobster]

Well now, if your saying your judgement is poor or not a strength because you are currently unattached but once were, you may have better insight from the other side of the mirror. He/she had to have been at Mr./Mrs. right then..............then things change....perspectives, attitudes, emotions, they are all open to change for one reason or another. I don't think it's a weakness or clouded judgement at all. What ever made that person "right" then in all likelyhood someone with those characteristics now may be "right" now.

[jextract]

I would say that having no restraining order would be a good start.

For me, there are several things to consider:
- Perhaps the most important is having the same values and goals. Make sure you're headed in the same direction.
- Often overlooked is having a similar "family model." I'll give you a personal example. My ex-wife came from a huge Italian/Irish/Catholic lower-middle class, blue-collar family where her dad was home every day at 4:00 to have dinner with the whole crew, and nothing was more important than them enjoying every day together. I came from a small Eastern Seaboard/Midwestern upper-middle class, white-collar family where both of my parents believed in sacrificing whatever you had to do today for a better tomorrow. Needless to say, these are fundamentally incompatible as my ex-wife and I saw the meaning of family in two separate lights.
- Be able to easily communicate in similar ways. My current fiance and I can talk about absolutely anything in a safe, non-threatening way.
- Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry.
- Timing. You could find someone who is a great mesh with you but if he/she is not in the same place in life as you, there is no chance that you're going to make it work.
- Ability to be emotionally present and available.
- Similar hobbies and interests.

[casematic]

and I've got a big 'goose-egg' for a track record so any advise I would give would surely be un-informed .....

[annasea]

Here are some questions I'm curious to find answers to:

1. How do you define soul mate?

2. Is it realistic to believe this sense of *souldom* will last forever?

3. The world is so big, and most people's circles are so small in relation. What are the chances that you'll find this person in the first place?

4. People often say they don't know exactly how they knew their mate was their soul mate; they just did. That's OK when things are good, but what happens if that relationship ends? Does that mean they were wrong?

5. Do you think you may have encountered your soul mate in the past, but due to assorted reasons, you lost out because at that time in your life, you weren't prepared to take the plunge?

6. You've met someone who is absolutely perfect for you in every way except one*. Do you reject them as your potential soul mate because of that one relatively minor 'flaw'?

7. Can you have more than one soul mate in a lifetime? Or are others just people that you feel merely compatible with?

8. How many people honestly believe they will ever find their soul mate?



* Hmmm... another interesting thread topic perhaps -- Deal Breakers!

Edited by annasea, 19 October 2005 - 03:33 PM.

[WreckWench]

* Hmmm... another interesting thread topic perhaps -- Deal Breakers!

Girl you are on a roll...this one is yours to start...so hop to it!


Ok this thread is now started! Check it out here!

[ScubaHawk]

I've met a few terrific women - with just one fatal flaw. Usually something like:

They don't like me
They're married
They're in a serious relationship
They're gay
They don't like me, they're in a serious relationship and they're gay SO doesn't like me either.

[drbill]

Here are some questions I'm curious to find answers to:

1. How do you define soul mate?

2. Is it realistic to believe this sense of *souldom* will last forever?

3. The world is so big, and most people's circles are so small in relation. What are the chances that you'll find this person in the first place?

4. People often say they don't know exactly how they knew their mate was their soul mate; they just did. That's OK when things are good, but what happens if that relationship ends? Does that mean they were wrong?

5. Do you think you may have encountered your soul mate in the past, but due to assorted reasons, you lost out because at that time in your life, you weren't prepared to take the plunge?

6. You've met someone who is absolutely perfect for you in every way except one*. Do you reject them as your potential soul mate because of that one relatively minor 'flaw'?

7. Can you have more than one soul mate in a lifetime? Or are others just people that you feel merely compatible with?

8. How many people honestly believe they will ever find their soul mate?



* Hmmm... another interesting thread topic perhaps -- Deal Breakers!

Loaded question.

#1. Do I believe in soulmates? Not sure, I know I have met at least two women with whom I have clicked so well that it is possible. In both cases they already had significant others in the picture. One's fiance was from Sweden and they continued to date while separated and eventually got married. The other was already married, but her husband not only approved of our relationship, he initiated it. I might add it lasted off-and-on for some 20+ years.

What might have made these relationships so good and fulfilling? I've thought about that over the years. One thought is that because they already had firm commitments to their respective SO's, I could love them fully... without fear of "losing" them because they weren't "mine" to begin with.

#2. I know that in the second case we still consider one another to be close although the physical side of the relationship ended about 10 years ago and we don't see one another very often. And I still care deeply for several of the women I had good relationships with years ago.

#3. About one in 5 billion. However, the Internet's reach into far off places on the globe may have improved that.

#4. Things were still good after the physical component of the relationships ended. Keep in mind that the physical/romantic side of a relationship is only one small part of a real interaction (although a very fun part IMHO!!!).

#5. Possibly.

#6. To reject someone who is very compatible based on a single "flaw" (unless it truly is a fatal one) would be absurd IMHO.

#7. Yes, I think so.

#8. Make that plural (soulmates). I believe that love is something that evolves between two people over time with shared experiences and good communication. I don't believe in love at first sight (although, as a scientist, I'm willing to be disproved on that one!). I do believe that individuals can be strongly attracted to one another upon first meeting, but a meaningful love takes time to develop in my opinion. Of course nothing wrong with that initial attraction (and wherever it might lead if both parties are open to it).

Love evolves over time through the tests the relationship offers. I certainly don't expect a "soulmate" or just a normal "mate" to be always agreeable and perfect in my eyes. Heck, I won't be in hers. Part of the evolution of love is through respecting the partner both for who they are and for how they deal with any conflict that naturally arises within the relationship.

[tdtexas]

"Sol-Mate" --- Is that not a Mexican Beer???

[Mishelle]

Great topic!
I can only answer from my own experience. I had a "relationship" if you will a few months ago with someone I had grown to trust. Trust is not my strong suit! But after having a heated discussion where I felt my integrity was attacked, I shut down.
Is that a flaw? Perhaps. But if the other person make no great effort to mend the fence, then there is nothing you can do.

I just started dating someone who has been a wonderful friend to me for almost a year. He wasnt someone I would have considered dating, but he doesnt have high demands and understands my trust issues.

I think a soul mate is somone you know you have to be with. It is really a connection that is felt mentally, physically and emotionally. These relationships are rare, so when you find it, DO NOT RUN! (Trust me on this one!)

Was that Dr. Phil enough? lol

Edited by Mishelle, 19 October 2005 - 05:49 PM.