74 replies to this topic

[jholley309]

* Hmmm... another interesting thread topic perhaps -- Deal Breakers!

Hey, I'm good at those!

Having survived several train wrecks (not literal ones, figurative ones) in the past, I'm not so sure about the whole concept of "soulmates"; there have been a few that I've felt that instant click with, but just weren't able to build a relationship for the long haul. I should mention that most of my relationships tend to develop rapidly, burn intensely, then end spectacularly in showers of sparks and flames; I don't believe in doing anything halfway. Must be the Scots-Irish ancestry. I'm not suggesting that I have bad judgement; I just haven't actually used it very often with relationships. I frequently know when something isn't going to work, but forge on at flank speed anyway. I guess I'm just hard-headed that way (and that's definately due to the Scots-Irish lineage!).

I only have a few hard-and-fast "dealbreakers" that I look for:

1. Lack of intellect: not expecting a genius, mind you, but nothing is more irritating to me than trying to discuss current events, history, or culture with someone who responds with blank stares, inappropriate giggling, or any sort of drool. Glazed eyeballs are a big "keep away" sign for me.

2. Lack of ambition: if she wants to find someone to marry so she can sit on the couch and eat bonbons all day, she's outta luck with me. She doesn't have to be a world traveler or a mega-successful businesswoman (although I'm not too proud to marry money ), but I would like to see her setting the bar a little higher than head waitress at the Waffle House.

3. Incompatible sense of humor: I have an often dry, often obtuse sense of humor than not everyone gets. If the names Douglas Adams or John Cleese don't ring any bells, she gets the big blowoff. It just wouldn't work.

4. Being a manipulative, dishonest, or game-playing...er, you get the point: just not gonna happen. I have neither the time nor the patience to put up with the drama. See ya!

5. Severe indecision: not talking about the occasional "Oh, heck, let's just pick a place to eat", I'm talking about not knowing what she wants out of the relationship and putting all the big decisions on me. Hey, I'm looking for a partner, not a submissive "Yes, dear" type. If she doesn't contribute to charting the course, she gets thrown off the boat. Not with my scuba gear, either.

6. Lack of communication: c'mon, lady. Ya gotta tell me what you think or what you want; I failed the mind reading course miserably. And by the way: I'm a guy. Subtle hints don't work on me. You have to make them big and obvious if I'm going to catch on.

7. Dislike of cats: no, really. I'm a cat person, always have been, always will be. If I have to choose between Peanut (my current kitty) and her, well, it's a heck of a lot cheaper to feed Peanut. I'm keeping the cat.

Other than that, most everything else can be either solved or accommodated.

Cheers!

Jim

[annasea]

Why, Mr. Holley, I do believe you just started your very first thread in the Singles forum!

Now for some kind soul to come along and break it off as such.

[mongoose]

-- Cigarette smoking. Can't stand the stuff.

[Basslet]

* Hmmm... another interesting thread topic perhaps -- Deal Breakers!

Hey, I'm good at those!

Having survived several train wrecks (not literal ones, figurative ones) in the past, I'm not so sure about the whole concept of "soulmates"; there have been a few that I've felt that instant click with, but just weren't able to build a relationship for the long haul. I should mention that most of my relationships tend to develop rapidly, burn intensely, then end spectacularly in showers of sparks and flames; I don't believe in doing anything halfway. Must be the Scots-Irish ancestry. I'm not suggesting that I have bad judgement; I just haven't actually used it very often with relationships. I frequently know when something isn't going to work, but forge on at flank speed anyway. I guess I'm just hard-headed that way (and that's definately due to the Scots-Irish lineage!).

I only have a few hard-and-fast "dealbreakers" that I look for:

1. Lack of intellect: not expecting a genius, mind you, but nothing is more irritating to me than trying to discuss current events, history, or culture with someone who responds with blank stares, inappropriate giggling, or any sort of drool. Glazed eyeballs are a big "keep away" sign for me.

2. Lack of ambition: if she wants to find someone to marry so she can sit on the couch and eat bonbons all day, she's outta luck with me. She doesn't have to be a world traveler or a mega-successful businesswoman (although I'm not too proud to marry money ), but I would like to see her setting the bar a little higher than head waitress at the Waffle House.

3. Incompatible sense of humor: I have an often dry, often obtuse sense of humor than not everyone gets. If the names Douglas Adams or John Cleese don't ring any bells, she gets the big blowoff. It just wouldn't work.

4. Being a manipulative, dishonest, or game-playing...er, you get the point: just not gonna happen. I have neither the time nor the patience to put up with the drama. See ya!

5. Severe indecision: not talking about the occasional "Oh, heck, let's just pick a place to eat", I'm talking about not knowing what she wants out of the relationship and putting all the big decisions on me. Hey, I'm looking for a partner, not a submissive "Yes, dear" type. If she doesn't contribute to charting the course, she gets thrown off the boat. Not with my scuba gear, either.

6. Lack of communication: c'mon, lady. Ya gotta tell me what you think or what you want; I failed the mind reading course miserably. And by the way: I'm a guy. Subtle hints don't work on me. You have to make them big and obvious if I'm going to catch on.

7. Dislike of cats: no, really. I'm a cat person, always have been, always will be. If I have to choose between Peanut (my current kitty) and her, well, it's a heck of a lot cheaper to feed Peanut. I'm keeping the cat.

Other than that, most everything else can be either solved or accommodated.

Cheers!

Jim

These sound good to me. Plus some of the stuff the others mentioned, like smoking and alcoholism. Anyone too religious is someone I'm not likely to have a long term relationship. Also, if the guy is lousy in bed and doesn't want to change his technique.

[Dennis]

Most of them have been posted.

I can tell a story though. After I started dating Donna in college, she began to smoke again (she had smoked in high school). I stopped asking her out. One day she caught me after a class and asked if we were going to go out again. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Call me when you quit smoking."

About a week later she told me she had quit and I immediately asked her to go somewhere that Saturday. We've been together since then (1977) and would not have been had she kept smoking.

Ladys, this may sound very chauvanistic, but here goes anyway. When you light up, you lose 10 points. By the way, men only have a 10 point scale. We can't count much higher than that anyway. I suppose men lose 100 points on a woman's 100 point scale. Fine with me.

[Walter]

Smoking, drug use, tattoos, piercings (I can handle ears, although I don't care for even that), low intelligence, and a clingy personality come immediately to mind as major turn offs. Yes, I'm aware a couple of them are shallow.

[finGrabber]

Smoking, drug use, tattoos, piercings (I can handle ears, although I don't care for even that), low intelligence, and a clingy personality come immediately to mind as major turn offs. Yes, I'm aware a couple of them are shallow.

I don't think you're being shallow at all...these are your preferences

[Drgnfiend]

My Deal Breakers:
1) If she smokes
2) If she uses drugs
3) If she's an alcoholic
4) If she's an extremely jealous person or very insecure. I have lots of female friends so in my experience people with the extremely jealous/insecure attitudes can't handle it.
5) If she lacks common sense (this is not to be confused with intelligence)
6) If she's not the brightest crayon in the box. She doesn't have to have a PHD, but at least be able to carry on an intelligent conversation.
7) She doesn't have to be interested in everything I am, but at least understand my interests and don't try to prevent me from doing them.
8) If we have Incompatible senses of humor
9) If she can't interract with my friends. I'm not saying she has to hang out with them all the time, but be able to view them (or at least a good amount of them) as her friends too. Afterall they've been around much longer than she has and aren't going anywhere.
10) If she's financially irresponsible. Doesn't have to be a sugar mamma (that'd be cool though), but know how to handle your money
11) If we're incompatible in the bedroom.

[ScubaHawk]

Ignorance
Irrationalism
Religion
Intolerance

[BabyDuck]

i agree with all of jim's (even to the humor references - have you read jasper fforde? if you like adams, you might like him), and the religious one. have to disagree with some of walter's though, as i resemble those remarks!

but right now, honestly, the deal breaker is wanting more out of the relationship than i do, which is very little. that is subject to change, but i'm currently very happy not being part of a couplet and willing to drop those who push me. marriage will cure a desire to be in a couple for a long long time in my experience.

[drbill]

Hmmm... did my post get deleted or just disappear in cyberspace?

Deal stoppers... maybe none at this point! I'm desperate(ly seeking).

[annasea]

Hmmm... did my post get deleted or just disappear in cyberspace?

Deal stoppers... maybe none at this point! I'm desperate(ly seeking).

Neither! Your list of deal breakers and shallow stoppers can be found HERE.

[sniperdiver]

hmmmmmmmmm..... a lot of the above, some I could work with

Is dating a bi-polar chick like having TWO girlfriends?

[blacktar]

I think that some of these deal breakers make a relationship more fun. I dated a bi-polar manic depressive for two years. Talk about a roller coaster ride. But then again, I am not looking to get married anytime soon.(Sorry Dad). I love my single life. My deal breakers would be lack of good conversation, and spark. If I can't talk to you, then there is no point. No spark should be self explanatory. Other than that I'm just in it for fun.