106 replies to this topic

[cmt489]

sounds funny when the radio DJ says it , but probably bad in real life "those pants don't make you look fat; all of your pants make you look fat"

Yeah, don't think I would recommend trying that one with a girl...

[Moose]

Okay, on an unrelated note, so am I the only girl on the planet who does not like people asking if I have lost weight? When asked I always think to myself, "OMG, did I really look that fat before???"

OK, I'm going to give away the secret of the differences of the sexes right now...


(This part is for women)...
Female friends, please understand, that when a man speaks, the words out of his mouth are, in every way, meant EXACTLY as spoken. No further analyst is needed. Just take what he said and leave it at that. That is all that he meant. In the rare case that a man says something that could be taken more than one way, realize that he means it in the way that doesn't piss you off!

If you ask a guy, "What are you thinking?" He will always give you the exact answer. The answer will be 100% correct and always the same…
"Nothing." (Yes, men can think of NOTHING!)

Men only have 2 emotions, Hungry and horny. If they don't have a hard-on, it's best to make them a sandwich.

(This part is for the men)…
Brothers, grunt, grunt, gruntiy, grunt grunt, ugh, grunt, <scratch butt>, grunt, grunt, ugh, grunt.

Ok, I'm joking, but here is the deal. No matter what you say, understand that the woman you are talking to will mis-interpret it to mean that you are insulting her and her mother, not to mention the fact that it also means you want to sleep with her sister. When this happens, your best bet is to fake a heart attack. There is no known way to avoid this phenomenon. Scientist are working, around the clock, to find a defense, but they tell me that they are no where near close to it.

Men, understand that we are not even close to understanding the complexly of 'women speak.' Our simple, 2 emotioned brain, is incapable of it. If you ever find yourself between a conversation between two women, for the love of God, start to gnaw out your own pancreas. It will not stop the conversation, but it should go a long way to divert the pain!

If you want to make a woman happy, I don’t have that answer. But I found that turning a credit card over to them (with no spending limit) goes a long way.

Let me end this with a story…

When I was a cop, a guy called into the station to report his credit card stolen. I asked him if he knew where it was stolen from. He had no idea. I asked him when he noticed it missing. He said 6 months ago. I asked him, "You waited 6 months to call in your stolen credit card?!?"
The man replied…
"Yes, because the thief was spending less than my wife!"

Edited by Moose, 17 January 2007 - 12:15 PM.

[jeff]

Okay, on an unrelated note, so am I the only girl on the planet who does not like people asking if I have lost weight? When asked I always think to myself, "OMG, did I really look that fat before???"

I was thinking the same thing.

You have let her know that she is always attractive to you. That you love the person, and not the couldhave shouldhave didhave neverhad body. The body is the first thing you see that says yes or no that takes a second to decide, its the person inside that matters most.

[cmt489]

Ok, I’m joking, but here is the deal. No matter what you say, understand that the woman you are talking to will mis-interpret it to mean that you are insulting her and her mother, not to mention the fact that it also means you want to sleep with her sister.

For me it is not that simple. I know you are not insulting me or my mother - it has to do with my own internal demons. I know that these types of comments should be compliments but I am just not programed to hear it that way. Blame my childhood...

[pocahontas]

sounds funny when the radio DJ says it , but probably bad in real life "those pants don't make you look fat; all of your pants make you look fat"

I thought it was," it's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat."
Sorry - a little fire house humor...

[pocahontas]

(This part is for the men)…
Brothers, grunt, grunt, gruntiy, grunt grunt, ugh, grunt, <scratch butt>, grunt, grunt, ugh, grunt.

Wow...cool!!! You didn't mention you could speak Uruk-hai!

[Moose]

Wow...cool!!! You didn't mention you could speak Uruk-hai!

Funny story, at the last software company I worked for, we designed a CRM application that was language independent. All the fields, titles, and prompts could be in any language that you wanted (and it didn't need to be the same for all the users.)

These means that to create the application for a new language, all we needed to do was build a table with the words from that language. It was simple, easy and quick.

For a joke, at one of the "geeky" trade shows, I build a language table in Vulcan! It was what I demoed at the show. Funny thing, most people at the show, (remember, this is a geek convention for the software) even if they didn't understand it, could recognize it as Vulcan!

Funny follow up, by the end of the show, We had people giving us tables for Romulian, Ork, Sand srik, Ubi-Dubbi, and a few even I could identify! (I love open code!)

[pocahontas]

I am blond, wholesome and nice and everyone has gone back to their abusive, unfaithful, unfulfilled past.

But the question is this:
Are you nice enough to take a half Chinese girl home to meet your parents?

[jeff]

of course

but wait...whats the other half

I like your sepia top half, I bet I would luv all of you
you already like to get wet

[Moose]

I am blond, wholesome and nice and everyone has gone back to their abusive, unfaithful, unfulfilled past.

But the question is this:
Are you nice enough to take a half Chinese girl home to meet your parents?

Why would your background make a difference? I don't understand why people still even put any real emphasis on that?
Do you find that being half Chinese has held you back? (It didn’t stop you from appearing in a really bad movie!) Seriously, I’m curious to know.

Once you get out of the “Purebreds,” it really doesn’t matter what “halves” anyone is anyway?

If I’m half Italian and half Russian, what difference does it make if you are half Chinese or half Martian? We are all becoming hybrids, so to speak.

More importantly is your political views. If they are the same as mine, great. If not, I’ll marry you just to prevent you from voting. (Thereby getting 2 votes for me!)

[jeff]

I am all Norwegian (never been there). You are who you are, it is what makes you special.

With a screen name of Pocahontas, you must be half "original american" and half chinese. In my history class, the indians walked over from china...so you are a purebreed

Edited by jeff, 17 January 2007 - 02:13 PM.

[annasea]

<snip>
More importantly is your political views. If they are the same as mine, great. If not, I’ll marry you just to prevent you from voting. (Thereby getting 2 votes for me!)

I don't understand... what exactly does this mean?

[jeff]

if you don't vote, you can't complain

[Walter]

I don't understand... what exactly does this mean?

I could be wrong, but I believe he's under the mistaken impression he would be able to dictate how his wife would vote.

[annasea]

I don't understand... what exactly does this mean?

I could be wrong, but I believe he's under the mistaken impression he would be able to dictate how his wife would vote.

Yes, that's what I suspected, too, which is why I thought it best to ask for a precise answer. Wouldn't want to make assumptions after all...