Yep I know what ya mean.When you find the "real" one that negative disappears. The secret is to have a good life without anyone else. Then if someone does come along, you can share it with them. At least that I what I tell Dr. Phil when he asked me for advice...Good advice Dejah...but eventually you end up spending every day together and that just sucks after awhile. I guess I'm only cut out for long-distance relationships. Could it be that I can't have a "real" one for some reason? What would Dr. Phil say?
Well, I guess I'm ok then cause I'm really happy by myself.
Relationship Stages
#31
Posted 17 April 2007 - 03:31 PM
#32
Posted 18 April 2007 - 05:13 AM
You might want a better analogy. Growing decent roses takes a lot of manure...I compare relationships to rose growing: I grow my own roses in life, but when I get a special helper, I get sweeter smelling blooms.
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#33
Posted 18 April 2007 - 05:34 AM
You might want a better analogy. Growing decent roses takes a lot of manure...I compare relationships to rose growing: I grow my own roses in life, but when I get a special helper, I get sweeter smelling blooms.
I know...the extended analogy is that you need sunshine and horsemanure for both to flourish. However, when the smell of manure overpowers the scent of roses, you know a review is requied.... ;-)
#34
Posted 18 April 2007 - 05:38 AM
Yep I know what ya mean.When you find the "real" one that negative disappears. The secret is to have a good life without anyone else. Then if someone does come along, you can share it with them. At least that I what I tell Dr. Phil when he asked me for advice...Good advice Dejah...but eventually you end up spending every day together and that just sucks after awhile. I guess I'm only cut out for long-distance relationships. Could it be that I can't have a "real" one for some reason? What would Dr. Phil say?
Well, I guess I'm ok then cause I'm really happy by myself.
This is the perfect starting place...when you are happy with yourself...then you can focus outward vs always inward. When we focus outward we get what we project. Also when we are happy with ourselves we don't come across as needy, desparate or some of the other negatives people seem to go thru. So being happy with yourself is the first and most important step towards finding someone else to be happy with. And if that works out well then the sum of the parts is greater than the whole!
Besides...how many people are honestly attracted to negative, unhappy people? Barring the urge to 'fix them up' how attractive are they really? OTOH...we are always drawn to happy, secure, confident people.
Now THAT is what Dr Phil would say!
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#35
Posted 18 April 2007 - 03:25 PM
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
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#36
Posted 18 April 2007 - 06:32 PM
Well after reading this I will say there are some interesting answers here.. so to add to it all I will give my .02 cents.
When starting a relationship I rarely want to spend that much time with someone I go for max 3 times a week.. even if I really like them I think we both need our own space and to keep our lives in tact as they were in many cases because then when we do see one another we have a lot to talk about...
Good advice Dejah...but eventually you end up spending every day together and that just sucks after awhile. I guess I'm only cut out for long-distance relationships. Could it be that I can't have a "real" one for some reason? What would Dr. Phil say?
Thanks however I tend to disagree that eventually you end up spending everyday together continously.. I think unless your married to someone or living together where it's almost impossible to not see that person everyday it's unhealthy to be with someone that often and not have your own life outside of it all in some respects...
I mean we should never give up our friends and lives completely to be with someone else and then possibly start to get on each others nerves, sure it's all great and wonderful in the beginning as we tend to overlook all the negative things, yet after a while those things tend to surface and the cloud 9 feeling dissipates.
Yes I do enjoy having someone to spend time with a couple of times a week, but I also enjoy my freedom to go out with friends, take a short weekend trip somewhere to pamper myself and relax then I never have the feeling of things going sour or getting boring, I would also expect my mate to have time for himself the same ways.
#37
Posted 18 April 2007 - 07:33 PM
#38
Posted 18 April 2007 - 07:40 PM
You might want a better analogy. Growing decent roses takes a lot of manure...
#39
Posted 18 April 2007 - 08:15 PM
I do agree that you get to know certain things about people rather quickly long-distance because people tend to write about themselves on a deeper level than just two people dating face to face. So good luck to you two here who are having those long-distance things going and I really wish you the best. As for me...I'm riding the crest of an awesome wave right now and don't want that to end.
You are right about long distance relationships...they do force you to talk about things on a deeper level as it hard to just 'hang out' on the phone!
And yes I had the experience of the relationship always being a honeymoon...can't stand the time apart...love the time together and then happy when they are gone so I can do my own thing. And since I know what a long distance relationship that DOESN'T work is like...it is nice to feel what one that does work is like.
Long distance relationships are not for everyone...they are indeed quite challenging but they can also be very rewarding and I think you are less likely to take the other person for granted.
p.s. if you are happy and the other people in your life are happy...then stick with it! Why change anything? I too at one time felt pressure to get married because I felt it was expected of me. My favorite saying was and still is..."I'd rather be moderately happy and single then married and miserable". So be happy. If you meet the right guy...you'll know it and your feelings will change. Until them...just enjoy! We need to live in the NOW...not the future.
Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
SD LEGACY/OLD/MANUAL Forms & Documents.... here !
Click here TO PAY for Merchandise, Membership, or Travel
"Imitation is the sincerest flattery." - Gandhi
"Imitation is proof that originality is rare." - ScubaHawk
SingleDivers.com...often imitated...never duplicated!
Kamala Shadduck c/o SingleDivers.com LLC
2234 North Federal Hwy, #1010 Boca Raton, FL 33431
formerly...
710 Dive Buddy Lane; Salem, SC 29676
864-557-6079 tel/celfone/office or tollfree fax 888-480-0906
#40
Posted 25 April 2007 - 07:14 AM
Long distance relationships are not for everyone...they are indeed quite challenging but they can also be very rewarding and I think you are less likely to take the other person for granted.
True dat!
It's a little like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane with nothing but a thin sheet to slow you down: anticipation, fear, regret, exhilaration, and relief, all in the span of about 4 seconds. Then you go back up and do it again.
p.s. if you are happy and the other people in your life are happy...then stick with it! Why change anything? I too at one time felt pressure to get married because I felt it was expected of me. My favorite saying was and still is..."I'd rather be moderately happy and single then married and miserable". So be happy. If you meet the right guy...you'll know it and your feelings will change. Until them...just enjoy! We need to live in the NOW...not the future.
Absolutely! There's an old saying in electronics: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Of course, there's a somewhat newer one that seems to be more and more common these days: "If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is."
Cheers!
Jim
Every man has fear. Any man who has no fear belongs in an institution. Or in Special Forces.
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