148 replies to this topic

[WreckWench]

I just rec'd this via email and it was very intriguing. Having some relationship difficulties of my own...my girlfriend thought this would make me feel better. It has made me think...what do you all think about it?

Don't Settle

In a brief conversation, a young man asked the woman he was pursuing the question,"What kind of man are you looking for?"



She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking him, "Do you really want to know?" Smiling confidently, he said, "Yeah, sure." She began to expound...



As an American woman in the twenty-first century, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I have a career, I pay my own bills.



I take care of my household without the financial help of any man...or woman for that matter. I feel I am in the position to ask, "What do you bring to the table?"



The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. There's more at stake here and I need something more."



I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life." He sat back in! his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.



She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need or want a simple-minded man."



I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I read the Bible and I believe this to be true. Besides I have enough girlfriends in disastrous relationships.



I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a man who is or will become a financial burden. The man I marry should be a man who is focused and goal oriented. I want a man I can sit down and plan a life with. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I may go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded, keep me real.



I am looking for someone who I can respect. The God I serve asks me to be submissive to my own husband. I feel that in order to be submissive, I must respect him. I would find it very hard to be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. God created the woman to be a help mate for the man. I don't want to and do not plan to help a man if he is unwilling to help himself. I've seen too many of my girlfriends stuck with men who are mental midgets, spiritual cripples and financial leeches.



When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You sure ask for a lot."

She replied with a little smile, "I know. I'm worth a lot."



Send this to every woman who's worth a lot whether she knows it or not - and to every man who needs to understand the worth of women and appreciate her God-given role in his life.

[divecutie]

I like it! No one should ever lower their standards for anyone. Oddly enough I was just asked this question and when i gave him the first few things that popped into my head.. he said the exact same thing! So I am positive that there is somebody out there for me and im not going to settle until then just because some guy thinks that i ask too much. Of course I know he's not going to be perfect, but alas neither am I. Sorry.. just a little venting and this topic popped up at the PERFECT TIME!!

Edited by divecutie, 16 July 2004 - 10:50 AM.

[WreckWench]

Of course I know he's not going to be perfect, but alas neither am I.

I agree and some compromise is needed when both parties don't match up to perfection....when I'm frustrated I always think why someone else isn't 'right' or why they are 'wrong'...but when I'm calm I realize the only person I can control and change is myself. And that being said...I need to BE and BECOME the kind of person I want to attract for myself!

Sorry.. just a little venting and this topic popped up at the PERFECT TIME!!

Ahhh....misery loves company doesn't it???? -ww

[sea nmf]

I'm not sure I can agree with everything in the post. However, the idea really applies to both genders.

If both genders are looking for "perfection" (I know it says to strive), we will be sorely disappointed. There is the concept of settling and the concept of compromise.

My last comment is that, for me, the older I get, the less I will compromise on. This comes from being comfortable in my own skin and not needing the headaches that disharmony brings.

So, surround yourselves with great friends, and perhaps you will be one of the lucky ones that end up marrying one of your best friends.

[flatwood]

I agree becky, I know that I've chilled a lot over the last few years. Isn't a little age great

[finGrabber]

My last relationship came to a tumbling end back in March and I can tell you that the relationship itself changed me to a degree. I have a lot better idea what I don't want!!

Even though I loved him and I know he loved me, sometimes lack of communication and lifestyle differences can cause even the most promising relationship to end.

I find that I'm more relaxed and serene these days. I think some of it just confidence on my part and for that, I give him some credit. But, change really does have to come from within.

[GentDiver]

Thanks for the post. A college buddy and I always had the saying "Don't Settle". I think we settle from time to time and when we do it never turns out good.

[DivingGal]

Interesting.... can't agree with everything said, but the principle of it all "Don't Settle" boy is that so true.

Know yourself, know your partner and share all that is... but don't settle.

[AliKat]

I couldn't agree more. I know my last "relationship" (if it could be called that) changed me a lot and is still changing me. This says a lot!

[hnladue]

Wow WW, that is a statement!!!

I can agree with a lot of it.... I know that whoever I end up with will be spoiled and I hope they give it back and don't take it for granted then walk all over me (hint hint --Been there!!) My last relationship was horrible (of course didn't think that at the time) and it has turned my into a raging b*tch at times. I learned how to defend myself verbily and sometimes it can be a bad thing now. Talk about changes!!

[triggerfish]

perfection? nope. i try to be the best person i can be, but it will never be perfect. and nmf...i agree....as you get older, your "list " becomes more defined, as we all discussed in "deal breakers". you start to know what you can compromise on, and also what you can't.

i don't want ANYONE who's perfect. too much pressure.

[hnladue]

I can think of something 'perfect' and when I get tired of him I can just deflate him and stick him back in the closet!!

[H2Oaddict]

Wow, I just had this conversation with a male friend of mine. He couldn't understand why I was alone and was teasing me about being to picky. I didn't use the word "Perfection - God knows NOBODYS's perfect" but I told him basically the same areas I feel two people need to be on - at the same level - to have a relationship work. I could have been married years ago if I just wanted to be married. But . . . I need more that just a man, I want a partner.

Compromise - we all need to compromise. Settle - that's a different ball game.

[drbill]

I don't look for perfection in a partner, two perfect people would be too much. Just teasing on that one, I'm far from perfect but even farther from a total disaster.

I am generally content living with myself, so there is no desperation. However as I age, I realize there is not really that much more time to find what I may have been seeking for decades already. I am very independent, which seems to be difficult for some women to handle. I can get very attached emotionally to a partner (although not obsessively so).

Would I compromise? I don't know. I do know that I don't go looking for a woman who would not meet most of my desires in a partner, and therefore I do not normally date much.

Many women my age are not interested in the type of traveling I do ("backpacking" ala European "travelers") and prefer more creature comforts than I allow myself. Women who do enjoy this often are significantly younger and pose other potential incompatibilities.

High intelligence, love of diving and/or marine biology or documentary film production, sense of humor, good values but not too rigid to reassess them, fidelity in a relationship, and independence are all things I don't want to compromise on. Superficial things I will.

Doc

[Lubold8431]

Boy, I guess I am in trouble!!!

I always hate that when women want "stimulating conversations". What does that mean exactly? I wouldnt want to dissapoint...