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High Maintenance or Independent


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104 replies to this topic

#1 ScubaSis

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Posted 31 October 2010 - 08:28 PM

Lets see if I can word all of this right.

I see a lot of wonderful single women being passed over and it really made me start to watch and wonder why.

I find that a lot of men will choose a high maintenence woman over an independent yet laid back sort of woman. I asked around some and the most common answer I have gotten is that the high maintenance type makes a man feel needed.

What do you men have to say about this subject??

Have any other women found this to be the case??
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#2 uwfan

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Posted 31 October 2010 - 09:02 PM

I'll be VERY interested to hear the answer on this. I have often wondered about this very subject...and not come up with a good answer. Guys, what DO you think? :respect:

#3 drbill

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 07:43 AM

If a woman is high maintenance, she is of very little interest to me. Much too self centered IMHO. I like a woman who is independent, capable of addressing her own needs, yet interested in a partnership (rather than a dependency).

Edited by drbill, 01 November 2010 - 07:44 AM.


#4 ev780

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 07:44 AM

You're are right. Sometimes we NEED to kill the spider.

The same reason that women pass over the good guys for the guys that need fixing.

Both of which tend to change as we get older I think.

Edited by ev780, 01 November 2010 - 07:45 AM.

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#5 TRINITY

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 07:46 AM

When I read this, I too was curious, why no guys have responded,,,are they all that much smarter then I am? OK I'll bite, hopefully to not just have my head, bitten off lol. But first have to run to work, to support the high maintence female I presently date, just kidding. I've dated both and have a few ideas, I will try to have a more thought thru response later tonight.

#6 georoc01

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 09:56 AM

Maybe its because high maintenance women because of their high needs make themselves more available than those that are independent and off doing their own thing? So its much easier to meet high maintenance women than independent ones who just don't show interest?

#7 ScubaSis

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 10:12 AM

Maybe its because high maintenance women because of their high needs make themselves more available than those that are independent and off doing their own thing? So its much easier to meet high maintenance women than independent ones who just don't show interest?



I have heard this also George. The independent lady doesn't seem to show the interest. You guys need to know that we are interested!! Ha!! Next time make a move!! lol

Trinity...will be waiting to see what you come up with!! NO biting allowed!! lol Just having a discussion.
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#8 ScubaSis

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 10:42 AM

I had a discussion with my brother in law.

He said that high maintenence women show a softer side that makes them more approachable.

So how does the independent woman change to the softer side??

He and I started making jokes about me trying to look softer....the make up and jewelry.....but i think it's more of a way of life that makes us the way we are. We are comfortable as we are, being single, and that's what shows no matter what we wear.

It's more of an attitude type thing created by a life of having to take care of ourselves......by ourselves. But this doesn't mean we don't want anyone IN our life to share what comes next.


Kudos to you Dr. Bill. :respect:

I agree with your comments!!
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#9 Landlocked Dive Nut

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 11:25 AM

High Maintenance Women are more concerned with their outer image than Independent Women. Men are very visual creatures. There you go.
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#10 BeachJunkie

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 12:35 PM

High Maintenance Women are more concerned with their outer image than Independent Women. Men are very visual creatures. There you go.


I'd say that sums it up pretty well. Coming from the younger side of the house, I can certainly tell you that the high maintenance women try to gain the attention of men much more than the easy going, laid back girls. They're comfortable with who they are and how they look. Many guys will tell you they'd love to have a low maintenance, self sufficient girl and two minutes after telling you so, will run across the bar to talk to the uber high maintenance girl that looked at them for 2 seconds. Guys worry about physical attractiveness. The maintenance and personality thing comes after they've managed to land the chick they can show off to their friends. Yup... we're retarded.

That being said, females are just as guilty as the guys. We guys refer to this situation as "the friend zone." If a guy is laid back, self sufficient, and not overly flashy, he usually won't grab the attention of the girls as much as the... how do I say... Jersey Shore type guys. Women seem drawn to the cocky, overly tanned, muscle head much more than others. It's blatantly obvious he has a rather high D-bag factor but, nonetheless, garnishes quite a bit of attention. The nice guys then sit back and watch it all go down and prepare themselves for when you call them to talk about how much of a jerk the guy was. We love the part where you then complain about not being able to find a guy like us... only to go back after the well polished turd when you're done crying. Ahhh... friend zone. Awesome stuff.
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#11 ScubaSis

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 01:07 PM

Beach Junkie.....Awesome stuff!! :respect:

You are so right on many fronts!!

I as a woman still want the attraction to be there when looking for a man. Women can be just as guilty of wanting the "eye candy".

It seems both genders are looking for one thing with the eye and getting another in personality because of it.
Handle every stresssful situation like a dog.
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Just pee on it and walk away.

#12 Landlocked Dive Nut

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 02:05 PM

It seems both genders are looking for one thing with the eye and getting another in personality because of it.


We're not saying that being good-looking prohibits someone from being nice, laid back, self-sufficient, etc.....

It's those who make extra effort to always look good and/or spend most of their discretionary income on makeup, nails, hair products, clothes, shoes, etc. that I consider high maintenance, or who always need to be the center of attention. Some people are just naturally and effortlessly gorgeous (lucky ducks). But if you won't even answer your phone until you've brushed your hair, you're high maintenance! :lmao:

Something else to toss into the mix: although I've never been high maintenance (ranch life & the Army will drum that right outta you!!), I did make some sort of effort in my 20's to put on a face in the morning and dress in uncomfortable shoes & clothes, all for appearance's sake. As I became more of the Independent Woman, I did go to the 'natural look', and dress now for me instead of others....and stopped trying to cover up the fact that yes, indeed, my hair is going gray. Does the Independent Woman gravitate away from spending time and money on her appearance because she's not out to impress with looks, or because she's tired of the effort and has better things to do with her time & money, or because she's been there, tried that, and doesn't like who it attracts? Interesting.....
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#13 TRINITY

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 04:50 PM

I remember years ago when George Burns and Bob Hope use to roast each other on their respective birthdays, and George was being escorted out on stage by two, bikini clad, high healed, shall I say, deightfully attractive young ladies, (he had been using a cane, I thought he was 96) and when they helped get him up to the podium, he stated that, "when I was 19 these 19 year old girls looked really good, and now that I'm 96, they still look really good, but so do a lot of 85 year old gals."
First off, let me crack open a cold one, a Belgian style wheat beer by the Horny Goat Brewing Co. of Wis. I've dated a few high maintence gals, and I think it was my perception that they, how can I say, brought more to the table, they gave me more of what I wanted at the time I wanted it, no not that, duh,,,,but that they were a better catch, they made you work for it, by being the damsel in distress, by needing a mans advice, by saying what you wanted to hear, sure it might of been smoke,,,, but they said it just the same. The bummer being, to create balance,lol they also brought the high maintence, which over time becomes just that. Neighbor needs someting, I'll be back,,,,

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 07:28 PM

I agree with Dr. Bill. My experience has been that high maintenance women are manipulative and you don't really know where you stand at any given time. I'm not programmed to deal with that very well personally. I believe that respect works both ways. She should treat me the way she wants to be treated. I have yet to see that out of a high maintenance woman but that doesn't means she doesn't exist. I just haven't seen it. I will take average looking and easy to deal over high maintenance any day. They are nice to look at but that is about it stops for me.

#15 georoc01

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Posted 02 November 2010 - 06:56 AM

Beach Junkie.....Awesome stuff!! :respect:

You are so right on many fronts!!

I as a woman still want the attraction to be there when looking for a man. Women can be just as guilty of wanting the "eye candy".

It seems both genders are looking for one thing with the eye and getting another in personality because of it.


And wanting a needy guy too. I was dating a very attractive independent woman and was left for a fireman who also happened to be a struggling alcoholic.




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