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Separated, divorce pending, divorce final...


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32 replies to this topic

#16 orcaman

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 12:12 PM

Hi, came home from New York after a 3 day school on Friday night around 9 pm, looking forward to seeing the wife and getting what I usually got after a trip. At the airport, she was distant and cold. What is going on I asked so innocently. I move out today she said. Took me home, said there are the credit cards, the bank books, and I have already taken every thing out of the house that I want. The bank books were close to zero, a lot of the things she took were mine. But then it was Bye. Letter from her lawyer the next day asking for a divorce and it was final within a month. No fault divorce in Florida. Guess you could say I felt divorced around 9 PM on that Friday night!!! A feeling I never want to feel again. Been married so long I did not know how to date. Figured I would have to get married again if I ever wanted to get laid. Not a pretty picture. Thank goodness I was wrong on that account. That is the first one and I do not want to talk about the second. That is my story and I'm sticking to it, although there is a lot more to it
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#17 Lloyd Christmas

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 12:26 PM

Hi, came home from New York after a 3 day school on Friday night around 9 pm, looking forward to seeing the wife and getting what I usually got after a trip. At the airport, she was distant and cold. What is going on I asked so innocently. I move out today she said. Took me home, said there are the credit cards, the bank books, and I have already taken every thing out of the house that I want. The bank books were close to zero, a lot of the things she took were mine. But then it was Bye. Letter from her lawyer the next day asking for a divorce and it was final within a month. No fault divorce in Florida. Guess you could say I felt divorced around 9 PM on that Friday night!!! A feeling I never want to feel again. Been married so long I did not know how to date. Figured I would have to get married again if I ever wanted to get laid. Not a pretty picture. Thank goodness I was wrong on that account. That is the first one and I do not want to talk about the second. That is my story and I'm sticking to it, although there is a lot more to it



it is usually easier to have closure when you come home early and find the wife nakid with a circus clown, two midgets, and your favorite neighbor.....that is definately DIVORCED status, unless of course they are all women then it is time for the cam corder.....:wakawaka:

#18 Two Wheels and a Regulator

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 06:46 PM

Going through divorce right now, been about six months so far. My soon-to-be-ex moved her boyfriend in about two days after I moved out (She was having an affair with him before she told me me she wanted a divorce). They are living together in a house which is still half mine. Getting back together will never happen. So in all regards I feel I am divorced but since I am waiting on paperwork I don't feel I can say so and be completely honest.
I simple say I am just waiting on the paperwork but technically I am still married.
I am sure it has run off a few potential dates but I have to be honest with myself and others.
However I do consider myself single and act accordingly.

#19 WreckWench

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Posted 31 January 2013 - 08:20 AM

Hey Gary...while not a dating site...we are a site for people who need and want dive buddies and in that mix we have a LOT of single people and a LOT of people who have experienced divorce.

I personally can not imagine how horrible it would be to go thru a divorce especially if you did not want it. And yet I guess I could if I had to go thru one right now. IT WOULD SUCK would be putting it mildly.

Please use our forums as a way to reach out to others in the *same boat* and to find other buddies and to find new friends.

Since we are NOT a dating site we don't do the traditional types of dating posts talking about who you are and what your type of soulmate would be.

We do however talk about diving and more importantly...we go diving...at least once a month someplace warm and fun in the world. And you'll find LOTS of women on our trips... they pay to be there and they are usually independant, love diving and just want to have a good time.

And sometimes...a great gal *choose you to be friends or possibly more*. Yep the gals choose around here and that's ok too!

So if just want to *Shut Up and Dive* you found the right place. And in the process you'll make a lot of great friends ....some may be women but in the end who cares...as long as we are diving...it don't really matter! :teeth:/>

Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
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#20 Buzo Guero

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Posted 31 January 2013 - 10:23 AM

Going through divorce right now, been about six months so far. My soon-to-be-ex moved her boyfriend in about two days after I moved out (She was having an affair with him before she told me me she wanted a divorce). They are living together in a house which is still half mine. Getting back together will never happen. So in all regards I feel I am divorced but since I am waiting on paperwork I don't feel I can say so and be completely honest.
I simple say I am just waiting on the paperwork but technically I am still married.
I am sure it has run off a few potential dates but I have to be honest with myself and others.
However I do consider myself single and act accordingly.


Hey, Gary,

Make no mistake about it, you are already single, even if the court has yet to issue a decree. The bigger question is, ARE YOU READY? My divorce process started a little over 3 years ago. While I received the divorce decree in May of 2011 (which OFFICIALLY made me single, again), I am still wrapped up in the process. Appeals are pending, etc., which still leaves everything in limbo. My responsibilities to my ex will be satisfied in May of 2014, except for child support for my younger son.

While I am still reluctant to get back into the whole dating scene, I know that this, too, will take care of itself, in due time. My suggestion would simply be to lead with integrity, disclose when asked & be yourself. No need to worry about running anyone off. If so, it was never meant to happen, anyway.

I know what you're dealing with is fresh, raw & quite painful. Do your best to focus on what YOU need, right now. Most importantly, MOVE ON!!! Take care of YOURSELF, amigo. Disengage & refuse to be baited.

Just my 2 psi.

Good luck with your transition & take advantage of the clean slate you've been given. Prepare to be LIBERATED!!! I know it doesn't seem like it, right now. You are FREE to CREATE whatever you want. Live in the NOW. VIVA LA VIDA!

Peace.

Edited by Buzo Guero, 31 January 2013 - 11:28 AM.

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#21 WreckWench

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Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:26 AM

Great insight Tim aka Buzo Guero! :respect:

Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
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"Imitation is the sincerest flattery." - Gandhi
"Imitation is proof that originality is rare." - ScubaHawk
SingleDivers.com...often imitated...never duplicated!

Kamala Shadduck c/o SingleDivers.com LLC
2234 North Federal Hwy, #1010 Boca Raton, FL 33431
formerly...
710 Dive Buddy Lane; Salem, SC 29676
864-557-6079 tel/celfone/office or tollfree fax 888-480-0906

#22 Buzo Guero

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Posted 31 January 2013 - 11:30 AM

:blush:/>

#23 Elias

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 09:01 AM

[...] when do you feel divorced if you have gone thru this ugly process or are in it now? When do you start dating again?


Well, I wasn't married but somehow still got divorced. (Not in the legal sense, but ... yeah.) It was pretty immediate though -- like a door that was slammed shut. Had we been married on paper, then we may well have stayed married and worked things out. She doesn't dive though, so the relationship was probably hopeless.



[...] it was years before I could successfully date again, because the former relationship scarred me so completely. It made it impossible to trust someone for a very long time, and probably is part of the reason I am not in a relationship today.


Yes, this, and how. Honestly, I may well never go down that road again. :/

#24 WreckWench

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 09:12 AM

It is interesting the response we've had from guys on our site. I know women go thru these same issues but somehow manage to trust again. It seems it is much harder for guys to trust again. Maybe it is harder for them to trust in the first place so they take it harder???

Either way I am very sorry for EVERYONE going this this ordeal. And it is an ordeal.

I hope that by sharing your stories you'll find consolation with others in the same boat and perhaps insight from those who have gone before you. And mostly I hope you'll find new friends of both sexes...that want to DIVE and will help to fill the voids left by your loss. :pray:

Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
SD Forms & Documents.... here !

Click here TO PAY for Merchandise, Membership, or Travel
"Imitation is the sincerest flattery." - Gandhi
"Imitation is proof that originality is rare." - ScubaHawk
SingleDivers.com...often imitated...never duplicated!

Kamala Shadduck c/o SingleDivers.com LLC
2234 North Federal Hwy, #1010 Boca Raton, FL 33431
formerly...
710 Dive Buddy Lane; Salem, SC 29676
864-557-6079 tel/celfone/office or tollfree fax 888-480-0906

#25 ScubaPunk

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:23 AM

Tell me who these women are, so I can get some pointers. I've been working on my trust issues for years.


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#26 dive_sail_etc

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:55 AM

Tell me who these women are, so I can get some pointers. I've been working on my trust issues for years.

:tears: Sorry for the lingering feelings of distrust, for yourself and those who express similar sentiments.
Brad, the Fledgling Journeyman Master Hedonist
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#27 dive_sail_etc

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:14 AM

Based on the other posts in this topic I guess I am Blessed; after a tempestuous two year(!) marriage followed by a year of (largely self inflicted) wound licking, I was able to put that chapter behind me and look with optimism to the future. (I know it helped that the ex remarried soon after, removing any lingering feelings of guilt over perceived abandonment.) Ever since, I have enjoyed being able to present myself to ladies with a pleasant attitude and a desire to coax out a smile (or broaden those already present).

Although I have not settled down yet, I realized some time ago this is my decision; the sail/cruise adventures I pursue would not exactly translate to a traditional white picket fence lifestyle. :pirate:

It remains an amazing axiom (in my experience at least) that the less intensely (desperately?) one attempts to cling, the easier it becomes to stay in touch.

My 2psi,

Brad, the Fledgling Journeyman Master Hedonist
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#28 WreckWench

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:05 AM

It remains an amazing axiom (in my experience at least) that the less intensely (desperately?) one attempts to cling, the easier it becomes to stay in touch.


Oh so true...

Seems to go hand in hand with "Loans are only given to those who don't need them"

"And women/men only want people who don't want them."

I wonder if when when we are not afraid...or are not needy...or have no emotional investment that we are trying to protect...we come off more self assured...most likeable...more interesting...basically have more of the good stuff and therefore more desirable????

If only we could do the same when it mattered...or when we *thought* it counted! ;)

Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
SD Forms & Documents.... here !

Click here TO PAY for Merchandise, Membership, or Travel
"Imitation is the sincerest flattery." - Gandhi
"Imitation is proof that originality is rare." - ScubaHawk
SingleDivers.com...often imitated...never duplicated!

Kamala Shadduck c/o SingleDivers.com LLC
2234 North Federal Hwy, #1010 Boca Raton, FL 33431
formerly...
710 Dive Buddy Lane; Salem, SC 29676
864-557-6079 tel/celfone/office or tollfree fax 888-480-0906

#29 Sharklover

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 03:34 PM

Tell me who these women are, so I can get some pointers. I've been working on my trust issues for years.



We need to go on a dive trip together SP. I have always been one to trust until I had a reason not too. But part of the reason why I think I was this way was because I trusted my radar about the people I chose to invite into my life and had never had anyone betray me really. Sure, I have had my fair share of broken hearts, but it was stuff that I always considered to be within the normal limits of being a human being.

But that radar had an epic fail once, in ways that were so much worse than I could have imagined were possible, and trusting does not come as easily as it used to. I have to work at it. But as a wise friend said, "you cannot let one failure of your radar ruin an entire lifetime of good judgment about people."

I have also learned to look to the men in my life now for examples of good men, so that I remember, daily, that they exist, and in fact, that they are far more common than the other men. My brother. My close married male friends. My single male friends. Really, men are fabulous. We just need to work on forgetting the ones who were not and in getting back to who we are...
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#30 Sqbagal

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 04:59 PM

Beautifully written, Sharklover! I am SO looking forward to meeting this group of divers! So eloquent and open - amazing...

Each relationship that ends teaches us a new lesson about ourselves. Learn it and move on.
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