415 replies to this topic

[AliKat]

I don't know if this helps but it's good nonetheless.

"Age is a case of mind over matter...

if you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

No, no, no. That's what nurses tell patients about needles..."I don't mind, and you don't matter." At least that's what a nurse told me once.

[Bahamasita]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years.  I'm 29 and he's 40....11 years age difference and we are still going strong!!!  Age only matters if it matters to you.....

There are other factors involved when it comes to age as well, such as where you are in your life and your past experiences/baggage. If you are a recent college grad and he's on his 2nd or 3rd marriage with 6 kids, for example, you may have more than just the age difference issue to deal with. It's not impossible, but as long as you go in with your eyes open, anything can happen! Variety is the spice of life, after all! My ex-husband and I were together for a total of almost 7 yrs. We were the same age and were in the same field of work and had lots of things in common on the surface, but it still didn't work out, so I can't condemn relationships with age differences! Perhaps if we had some common interests underwater as well as "on the surface" it would have worked out better! LOL!

[annasea]

We were the same age and were in the same field of work and had lots of things in common on the surface, but it still didn't work out

Good point, CJ.

So many people put so much emphasis on common interests. I think what is more important, perhaps, is to have a common life philosophy, ie. similar ethics, morals and values. Just because both people like to hike, or support the same political party, doesn't guarantee long term happiness. (Of course, neither does the same outlook on life, but I think a long term relationship stands a better chance.) People's likes and dislikes such as hobbies and whatnot change over time, but I don't think intrinsic values do for the most part.

I guess, as well, it depends on what one is looking for -- a *companion* versus a *soulmate*. It's much easier to find someone, rather than that *special* someone.

[drbill]

So many people put so much emphasis on common interests. I think what is more important, perhaps, is to have a common life philosophy, ie. similar ethics, morals and values.

Must admit, I kind of assumed that was a "given" although I could live with someone whose ethical system was well established yet differed from mine in some points.

After all, I've met some women divers who wanted nothing but sex (unfortunately, usually not from me!) from a variety of partners or drank heavily. I use the term ethics since I don't think my value system is one based on what most people call "morals." I prefer to base my interactions, as much as I humanly can, on the fundamental rule of most major religions... the "Golden Rule."

For example, sexual "morality." Most people think it would be immoral to sleep with a married partner. I think it would be wrong to do so IF it were dishonest. In the past I had a long-term (~20 years off-and-on) relationship with a married woman. Initially it was at the suggestion of her husband. I did not view it as "immoral," although certainly a bit unconventional. My ethics, focusing on dishonesty rather than "sex," were not compromised. For many this might be morally reprehensible, but it was a very loving relationship.

[annasea]

Gee, drbill, that's some island you live on! Got room for one more?

I, for one, admire your ethics. So many preach the Golden Rule, yet few seem to follow it. Your relationship may have been *unconventional*, but who says the masses are always correct anyway? As long as no one is knowingly getting hurt, and everyone is willingly participating . . .

(A quick related story: I was conversing with a woman, Shauna, yesterday regarding body piercings. When she had her first piercing done back in '91, she noticed the guy piercing her had a pierced tongue. She asked about it as it wasn't very common back then, and his reply was both his wife AND his girlfriend thought it was great! Shauna was disgusted by this, but I just assumed both women knew about the other and all was well.)

[drbill]

Gee, drbill, that's some island you live on! Got room for one more?

I, for one, admire your ethics. So many preach the Golden Rule, yet few seem to follow it. Your relationship may have been *unconventional*, but who says the masses are always correct anyway? As long as no one is knowingly getting hurt, and everyone is willingly participating . . .

Annasea... why don't you come down and dive Catalina after you get your c-card. I'll behave myself (unless you desire otherwise).

Obviously no one is 100% successful in living their beliefs... we are all fallible. I do try however. If we all used that one guideline, and were sensitive to the feelings of others, the world would be a much better place.

We only stopped our relationship because their kids became old enough to possibly sense it. We felt that would be too difficult for them to explain to the kids. I was just considered Uncle Bill. Haven't seen them since their older daughter graduated from college. Both she and her younger sister were students at the same college I taught at which was pretty amusing.

[blacklatexozdiver]

Annasea... why don't you come down and dive Catalina after you get your c-card. I'll behave myself (unless you desire otherwise).

Join the queue for inviting her drbill

[drbill]

Blacklatexozdiver- I'm sure Annasea could dive all the world's oceans with a number of us admiring male divers once she gets her c-card. And of course that goes for many of the lovelies here on SD.com.

[Bahamasita]

I guess, as well, it depends on what one is looking for -- a *companion* versus a *soulmate*. It's much easier to find someone, rather than that *special* someone.

Yes, I think you've hit the nail on the head there, Caetllonn. Not to say that there aren't many "successful" or lasting relationships based on companionship, but finding a soulmate -- however one defines that personally -- can be much more challenging, take more patience, and there are no guarantees. There are no "match.com" sites for soulmates -- just companions, and you might hope that your soulmate might be among them.

[annasea]

I guess, as well, it depends on what one is looking for -- a *companion* versus a *soulmate*. It's much easier to find someone, rather than that *special* someone.

Yes, I think you've hit the nail on the head there, Caetllonn. Not to say that there aren't many "successful" or lasting relationships based on companionship, but finding a soulmate -- however one defines that personally -- can be much more challenging, take more patience, and there are no guarantees. There are no "match.com" sites for soulmates -- just companions, and you might hope that your soulmate might be among them.

Hey, CJ, I like your quotations around "successful". +

Just as with the term *soulmate*, "successful" is open to individual interpretation as well.

Not having tried online dating, I can't personally comment on match.com for example, but I do know at least 3 people who have tried it -- two men and one woman -- and just as in other venues for dating, it seems to be a numbers game.

Personally, I still hold to the belief that as long as I'm *open* (and for the most part, I try to be, but with a little bit of healthy scepticism thrown in for good measure ), when I'm (probably) least expecting it, I just might find *it*, or rather, *him*. (Yes, I know -- 'Good luck!' )

[Bahamasita]

Personally, I still hold to the belief that as long as I'm *open* (and for the most part, I try to be, but with a little bit of healthy scepticism thrown in for good measure ), when I'm (probably) least expecting it, I just might find *it*, or rather, *him*. (Yes, I know -- 'Good luck!'   )

I've found that to be exactly the case -- it finds YOU and usually when and where you least expect, and usually when you're not looking. I've actually never tried online dating, but have many friends who have. It seems to be hit or miss, as with other venues. Remain hopeful, as you seem to be...positive energy is always a big draw! You're attractive, smart, and a diver! What's not to like? You'll have your pick of suitors, not doubt...so choose well!

[annasea]

You're attractive, smart, and a diver!

LOL! Well, not quite! I'll agree with the first two -- bad hair days excluded, of course -- but as for the last one . . . I am getting there!

I was the only one in my class last night to progress onto the next level of swimming lessons, so OW certification is just around the corner!

[Bahamasita]

LOL! Well, not quite! I'll agree with the first two -- bad hair days excluded, of course    -- but as for the last one . . . I am getting there! 

I was the only one in my class last night to progress onto the next level of swimming lessons, so OW certification is just around the corner! 

I'm actually in the same boat...going to finish my OW cert dives in July in the Keys! But since I have actually gone diving all of two times already and am completely hooked, I consider myself a diver....or at least an honorary one for now! LOL!

Congratulations on another step closer to your OW cert!

[blacklatexozdiver]

Congratulations on another step closer to your OW cert!

Congrats to the both of ya!

[annasea]

I'm actually in the same boat...going to finish my OW cert dives in July in the Keys!    But since I have actually gone diving all of two times already and am completely hooked, I consider myself a diver....or at least an honorary one for now!  LOL!

Congratulations on another step closer to your OW cert!     

And an early congratulations to you as well on your OW completion!!!

Have a fabulous time in Florida!