45 replies to this topic

[WreckWench]

A lot of my single friends tell me that dating is so different in today's world as if I've been married all my life. Having been married for only 7 years hardly qualifies as being 'married all my life'...in fact I've been single far longer than I've been married.

 

But maybe the real answer varies depending on what your age bracket is? Maybe dating is only hard for older people? Maybe its only hard for those trapped in the 'meet in person' mantra vs the 'meet online' mantra?

 

What do you all think? We certainly have one of the largest communities of single and formerly married members and even recently married so let's hear your thoughts.

 

I'd love to direct my single friends to this topic if it sheds some light on how dating differs based upon your age and/or how technology has influenced the process.

 

And if you have tips on SUCCESSFUL DATING...please share those as well!

[Gini]

Dating is definitely different in my 40's and 50's vs what it was in my 20's!

Partly, I think that men my age are programmed to look for younger women. Maybe they have it in their minds that we ladies of a certain age are past our prime. There must be some out there who appreciate us for our maturity, intelligence, wisdom, financial independence and self-confidence.

Now I just need to find one!

[WreckWench]

Great insight Gini. I think our site draws more of the calibre of men that you reference but dating has worse odds than playing the lottery...we just assume every play is a winner!

[Gini]

Well, Kamala, you're right that at least you'd know you have at least one thing in common with anyone on this board...a love of diving!

 

I've missed SingleDivers...hope to get involved more now!

[WreckWench]

Well, Kamala, you're right that at least you'd know you have at least one thing in common with anyone on this board...a love of diving!

 

I've missed SingleDivers...hope to get involved more now!

AND you know that you BOTH make diving important in your life so that gives women a real edge for men who love diving!  (Not only is she already certified but she pays where way too!) WOW!!!  Now THAT'S HITTING THE JACKPOT!!!

[WreckWench]

p.s. We've missed you too! Can't wait for you join a trip! Check my signature line for the link to the trips!

[jesterdiver]

As I told a friend who just recently became single. Follow your passion, the only thing better than getting to enjoy your passions is to share them with someone who enjoys them as much as you do.

 

For many of us our passion is diving, and where else to find someone to share those passions than here! There are no guarantees in life and yes it's always a gamble, but I am firm believer you can many times push the odds in your favor!

 

 

Well, Kamala, you're right that at least you'd know you have at least one thing in common with anyone on this board...

AND you know that you BOTH make diving important in your life so that gives women a real edge for men who love diving!  (Not only is she already certified but she pays where way too!) WOW!!!  Now THAT'S HITTING THE JACKPOT!!!

 

[georoc01]

Its not just age, but age and sex that matters.

 

Personally I found dating when I was under 40 much harder than it was once I turned over 40 in dating women my age.

 

So I do think its easier for younger women and older men, but tougher for the other way around.

 

Children are also a bigger factor today in that there are so many single parents out there in the dating pool which complicates relationships. As I became older now rather than dating mothers I'm dating grandmothers which is a different dynamic.

[Gini]

I hadn't really thought of it that way, Georoc, but you're right.  When I was in my 20's, we single women had it made.  We could pretty much take our pick, and we usually called the shots.  Men (of all ages) were pretty much available everywhere. 

 

Now, it seems like the men my age (ish) have their pick, and women my age are competing with 20-somethings for the few eligible men out there.  Younger women don't mind dating older men, and older men (at least here) seem to eat that crap up with a spoon.  I'm sure kids have something to do with much of this, although in my case it's not a factor as I don't have any.

 

I don't know, it's just a really weird situation for me. 

[WreckWench]

Gini you and George summed it up pretty well. Younger women have it made and older men have it made. And even if you are with someone you still face the same dynamics that single people face...you can lose your partner at any time...especially if you can't hold your own against the challengers.

 

Jose you are also right.... following your passion brings out the best in you and when you find others who also enjoy that same passion...then sometimes fireworks erupt! Or as we say... the diver was still attached to the tank!

[WreckWench]

Someone told me you had to be the 'cookie' and not the 'broccoli' meaning you had to be what the other wants....not what they need UNLESS you can figure out how to be what they want AND need!

[Diver Ed]

Someone told me you had to be the 'cookie' and not the 'broccoli' meaning you had to be what the other wants....not what they need UNLESS you can figure out how to be what they want AND need!

From the male stand point, I believe that what we want is probably 99% and what we need is 1%.  I was 49 when I started looking again.  My friends were saying things like look for someone in her 20's, and dont just settle for one.  My response was that I would have nothing in common with someone in their 30's, let alone in their 20's.  There would be zero to talk about, and I feel one relationship is hard enough to make work, why would I want to have more than one.  Of course, I believe I am in the minority with the way I think.  I have a friend in his 40's who has been dating numerous women in their mid 20's for the last year or two.  He tells me they are all over the place, and going after him all the time.  I feel Gini and George are spot on with their assessment.  The other thing that I found from one brief round of online dating sites is that both the men and women are lying through their teeth in most cases.  I did meet someone, and have a 3 year relationship with her, and her comments were that almost every guy was just looking for sex immediately.  No first date sex, meant no second date.  My experience with the women was that they grossly over exagerated everything about them selves.  I think that finding sex is easy, finding a decent person for a relationship is very challenging.

[Gini]

Kamala, that is funny. I think I was definitely all cookie in my 20's and have been morphing into broccoli slowly over time!

[Gini]

Ed,
Ugh! The lying is rampant! I was told by a guy I dated that I was too honest in my description of myself in an online profile. Apparently brutal honesty, whether about oneself or another isn't "sexy."

I told him that I would rather scare away someone before meeting them than scare them away in person.

Dating is just hard. I have actually given up actively looking. It's demoralizing after awhile. So I'm trying a very organic approach now: if I happen to meet someone, so be it. I would rather be "unpartnered" forever than waste any of my remaining time trolling about searching. I have wonderful friends and family and I that you can never successfully be part of a couple without first being happy just being you!

[MNJoe]

Kamala, that is funny. I think I was definitely all cookie in my 20's and have been morphing into broccoli slowly over time!

 

You know Broccoli is a Superfood!!