Wow, interesting posts on here. As a mature man, who got married in his 40s, I can really sympathize with the guys and women on here who are trying to date in middle age. So many different standards and expectations, culture clashes, and somebody previously even mentioned that they didn't like men using Text to make dates on. Better not try dating anybody under 30; they rarely answer the phone!
One thing I certainly learned in my 30s, getting back into dating after 5 years celibate (and not by choice), was that 'anybody who thinks that middle aged women aren't good at sex is WRONG.' Funny thing, I even got onto a radio show in my city with that quote.
I think today's men are navigating rough waters, with many women who have been influenced by third wave feminism and harsh experiences with previous relationships. Ultimately I think that being honest, brutally honest, at this age is the only way to go, if a guy wants a solid relationship with a woman that he can talk to and be proud of. I laughed at the comments on online dating too! I laughed because I met my wife on LavaLife. It worked for us, and I have a wife I can be with and truly say I love and am proud of. I'm not sure if we are outliers, but I should say it took me a few years online to find her. Strangely, it took my wife 3 weeks to find me. (sigh)
Sex vs dating.... WOW!!! I am so out of it. Of course when I was dating I rarely had a lot of 2nd dates... why? Because I did not sleep with them. Some things NEVER CHANGE. However I would surmise that it may be more intense these days since women tend to me more willing to have sex on the first date and/or want to have it. At least it seems the younger ones do!
I have plenty of second dates -WITHOUT having sex. In fact it can egg a lot of them on.
(Considering the gyn issues I had for over a decade, it was easy for me to say no, as initmacy was painful, but I digress. Suffice to say that has been resolved s of this summer. But even still, I am in no hurry.)
The big problem that I have these days Is lack of chemistry on my part. (I'm probably physically attracted to less than 5% of all men, period. And the ones that I am attracted to are rarely "good looking" in a traditional sense.) That has cost me more relationships than anything else. It is amazing that the current guy I have been seeing still wants to spend time with after 8+ months of dating mostly platonically. I like him, we have a lot in common, and we get along well. He knows the score, and I make it a point to treat him right because he deserves that. In the process I have warmed to him more that I thought I would. But I am hitting a major wall when it comes to anything beyond "first base".
I wish I could get beyond it, because everything else is great. But my body won't let me. That wall I'm hitting is solid, steep-faced, and very tall...
Yep, without chemistry and physical attraction all you have is a good conversation. Mermaid, you are absolutely entitled to be choosy! I think too many people think they have to "settle". Having said that, the sex columnist Dan Savage has noted that most people never find their "10", but instead find a "6.5" that they click with, and then they round it up to "10" and call it good. Oh, and I was no fan of first date sex either. If you're into that, go for it. Me, I always wanted to get a feel for the personality of the woman I was dating, before I really opened myself up. Maybe I'm strange, but I always wanted to have a good chat with any woman I took to bed.
Anyway, that's my $0.25. I'm really looking forward to meeting some on you on a future trip, and having some great conversations! For now, I'm getting reaquainted with my drysuit, doing local diving around here.