Love: Advice Needed
#1
Posted 15 December 2004 - 11:03 AM
#2
Posted 15 December 2004 - 11:31 AM
#3
Posted 15 December 2004 - 11:36 AM
Pray. Then cry, then live, then pray some more. It probably will not help in the short run. It didn't for me. However, in the long run, what happened was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I surely didn't think so at the time.
And yes, there will always be a place in your heart for that person. And yes, you will always feel the hurt when you remember. But, I grew up a lot because of that experience. I also finally realized that every time you give your love, you take a chance. I've found that it is always, always, a chance worth taking.
Good luck and keep your head down over there. We need every one of you guys and gals back here.
Dennis
"Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress ... But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain
#4
Posted 15 December 2004 - 11:37 AM
First, and this is difficult, but it's essential to ending the pain. Accept the loss. Convince yourself that even if she begged you to take her back you wouldn't. This is your first hurdle. The sooner you can reach this point, the better off you'll be.
Next, when you have down time, (I'm not suggesting not paying attention in crucial situations - we want you to come home safely and uninjured) dwell on your loss. Think about it as a loss, not what went wrong. You can only grieve so much before your mind gets to the point it will move on. You can drag it out by constantly trying to get your mind on other things.
Good luck and remember, this too shall pass.
DSSW,
WWW™
#5
Posted 15 December 2004 - 11:43 AM
#6
Posted 15 December 2004 - 12:53 PM
You may think often of the one you love...and depending upon how you parted and how often you stay in touch, that love may dissipate rapidly or slowly. Realize also that until you move on and realize that your former love is not "the one" or at least not this time, you won't be able to fully move on to another. Unfortunately there's not a pill or a true, rapid cure-all...but looking back on things I'm not sure I would want one. Learn from the past, keep focusing on your future.
I'm not sure that any of this helps. You definitely aren't alone in feeling this way. It happens to the best of us! Best of luck to you!
tatonkadive
#7
Posted 15 December 2004 - 01:24 PM
As Dennis suggested, I pray. I work on my relationship with God & myself. Once I have those two relationships right, all the rest will follow. That is what I'm trying to do &, although it is a slow, painful process, I know that in the end I will come through this happier, healthier, & with more to offer to my God & all of the people in my life. I still have days & nights of despair but I am slowly moving past it. I pray the same for you.
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C. S. Lewis
#8
Posted 15 December 2004 - 01:47 PM
Good luck to you. It will get better, I promise. There is no way to make the pain go away, but there are ways to distract yourself from it.
Michelle
#9
Posted 15 December 2004 - 01:55 PM
Trust me, this works.
#10
Posted 15 December 2004 - 02:08 PM
#11
Posted 15 December 2004 - 03:30 PM
Sometimes I can get through a short period of time alright and sometimes every minute is sucked up by the whole crap. Usually its at 2 or 4 AM.
Unfortunate, I have withdrawal syndrome and I go behind "the wall." It is my defense mechanism.
I need to go diving; but, I lost my dive buddy.
This whole thing just sucks.
When does it feel better... all the time? OK I'll settle for most of the time?
R
#12
Posted 15 December 2004 - 04:36 PM
i feel ur pain.... dont fall in the same trap i did... good luck
max
if your not living on the edge...your takin up to much space
landlocked by misfortune
"Kindness to others is the rent we pay for our time on Earth". - Muhammad Ali
#13
Posted 15 December 2004 - 04:47 PM
Blue water, good vis, and many fish, friend.
#14
Posted 15 December 2004 - 05:45 PM
I feel for you! I can't add anything to the advice that I already see, so I will say follow it and know that many others have been in the same situation.
#15
Posted 15 December 2004 - 06:14 PM
Once I figured out what I was doing I then looked realistically at the relationship and searched for why things went south. Once I identified those issues...some his but just as many of them mine...I looked to see what I could have done differently. When I realized that I could not make him act a certain way...or behave a certain way...or think a certain way, I realized that marriage to him would have been very difficult for both of us. Partially because of his thought processes and partially because of mine. I then decided that I couldn't do anything about his issues...but I could certainly do something about mine.
At that point I did some serious reflection and looked for things that I needed and wanted to change in myself. You know...the things I wasn't very proud of that I did or failed to do. And yes...some of them were even things he complained about...go figure huh?
After reflecting on these things I set up a plan to change those behaviors in myself so that I would not fall short in the next relationship over the things that I could control and that was my actions, thoughts and reactions. Once I did that, I realized that I had grown past my ex and I was indeed on a path to being a better 'me'. I'm sure I'll still fall short in many ways in my next relationship...but it won't be the same ways I fell short in the last one.
As for my ex....I hope he did some similar self reflection...but if he did not...he'll just end up with the same problems in the next relationship until he realizes that its not always the other person!
In the process of making myself more loveable...I found that my pain over losing my ex had finally subsided. I just wish that I had realized that doing something so positive for myself would yield such great rewards AND help me get over the pain so much quicker then holding onto it like I had for over a year. In the meantime...I am now THANKFUL that I didn't marry him. One we would have been miserable as I truly believe now that we were NOT right for each other...and two...I never would have run a singles trip in Jan 2004 for @!&%s and giggles and well you know...the rest is history!
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