197 replies to this topic

[Brinybay]

In reality, what we're really doing is interviewing prospective partners, just like we interview prospective employers.

Reminds me of a Seinfeld joke: "First dates are like very long job interviews!"

[WreckWench]

Jamie...I am not encouraging people to drag conversations out over months...unless of course you live long distance and you might not have a choice. But I'm sure you only correspond with women closer in proximity to you so that would not be an issue.

And I don't disagree that the process is VERY much like interviewing (in fact that is precisely one of the benefits of internet dating) however we are NOT applying for a job with a well known and established entity. We are meeting someone entirely unknown to us and perhaps dangerous or wacko or a whole lot scarier than some of the women mentioned in this thread.

And it is far safer for men to be desirous of the 'quick meet and greet' or 'churn and burn' than it is for women. Men are in a much better position to defend themselves or extricate themselves as the case may be from overweight women, alien babes, or even seriously psycho woman etc. However when guys PUSH REALLY HARD TO MEET VERY QUICKLY aka within a few days despite explaining that the timing is not good, or perhaps a little more communication is needed, etc. then in my mind they either they have no self control which is bad....they are hard up...also bad....they have no respect for the female if she has asked for a reasonable period of time to email and/or phone back and forth to get to know someone before spending precious time going out...or they simply are tired of the whole process and therefore have this sense of urgency that may or may not be realistic.

I am NOT disputing your process and I'm sure that as articulate as you are both on the phone and in writing...you would not be an unpleasant surprise to meet in person if I did not know you!

And perhaps I would have never met you if we'd dialoged via the internet and/or over the phone as I would have obviously wanted to move on a much slower basis than you would have been comfortable with. That is that chance/risk I take for needing to move a bit slower than your examples. But you can't always know what motivates a person(woman). Yes there are those who hope that by you getting to know them first that you'll over look the fact that they are older/fatter/uglier than their pictures but you also can't know if they have good reason to be cautious as I do. Fortunately not everyone has had their life threatened in the past nor has every woman been attacked in their past nor have they encountered reasons to be a bit more cautious. And I hope that no woman has to go thru those experiences to realize that being a bit more prudent and a bit more cautious and perhaps moving a bit slower than you guys are happy with...is not necessarily a bad thing. And maybe you guys will have a bit more emphathy for a reasonable woman that asks for a reasonable request. And if not...that is ok too as there are a lot of other fishes in the internet sea.

So no Jamie, romance is not involved at all in my answer.....safety and security is what it all boils down too and the ability to make your world and personal life as safe as possible...including in the realm of internet dating.

p.s. I do think more men and women should approach relationships much more like business transactions as you've wisely noted. If you quickly assess issues like, income, religion, politics, children, geography, careers, etc. BEFORE you become emotionally attached then I think you'd have less break ups and divorces. But for some reason people enter relationships perhaps based too much on chemistry and then worry about whether they have the other important issues in common. Chemistry is nice and its important...but you should do your ground work FIRST and then see if you have any sparks...not the other way around. Might have a few less divorces that way...seems most everyone I know who gets divorced especially the guys say that they knew there was problems but....

[Walter]

No matter how long the screening process might be, there is still a security issue when meeting. Always meet in a public place.

[Dejah]

No matter how long the screening process might be, there is still a security issue when meeting. Always meet in a public place.

I totally agree with you on that one Walter!!!

[jextract]

As do I. I always suggest that the woman pick a place where she feels safe and comfortable.

Kamala, I understand your desire for safety and security and I never push for something that is being resisted. I suggest that it might be nice to talk on the phone and offer to send my phone number so that she can call me. When we've talked on the phone I suggest that it might be nice to meet in person, but only when I get a sense that she feels at ease. But if we're emailing for a week without a phone call or we're talking on the phone for a week without making plans to meet up, ... unless there's an overriding reason ... well, write it off to my adult ADD but I'm starting to wonder what the real reason is.

[jamesser]

Sophia:

I can not believe you started this thread and did not give me a personal invite. I have "Dates from Hell" stories till next Tuesday. They are kinda like the physco stories. I'll leave the stalkers and shooters out of this and opt for the most interesting story. Now the shooters and stlaker all started out as nice dates first ones anyway......

OK I met this very nice young lady here in Dallas once. I forget where, but it was not someplace "bad" as the date turned out to be. Of course now you have to understand even though her appearence was suspect to belie her ocupation you can not make those judgemnets by appearence alone. She stood 4' 11" (I'm only 5'8") with platium blond hair, olive skin, and was more than curvy. OK stick with me, She was 40 DDD not that really makes a difference to start but picture the proportions. Now I shyed away because I figured she was a dancer, the topless kind, but as she pointed out, you can not judge a book by it's cover. Well not to say topless dancers are any less of a person, my personal experiance is that, women in the line of work are not right for me, yes I know just a genralization and I would not condeme anyone for that, but we are talking the very early stages here.

Now we did go on a date. Anyone ever been to a Greek place in Dallas called Goldfingers? She told me she lived close to me, Plano, in a very nice area, I knew the area. As the conversation followed I felt myself relax more and I began to think, I must have done something right, she is very attractive, yes she did have breast implants, she was very fit, she worked out almost as much as I did, we had similar interests etc. She was stable, was employed and seemed very professional, owned her own home and from what I could tell very smart. The conversation was a blast.

Then started the downslide, she was fresh from a break up with a signifigant other. Not bad, not good but not so bad. This other person was still in the house in Plano, but they we're working on the what and where and all that stuff. She was divorced, not from the most recent break up but prior. Still nothing to bad to deal with. This signifigant other ..... as it turned out was a woman! OK so she had decided to try a same sex relationship, your past is still your past, sure most guys would now be completly excited, I was just OK your out with me so you must like men after all. She comfirmed this feeling. Things seemed to very well after that. I then inquired about her employment, well yes she was a topless dancer, but exploring other avenues and wanting to leave that line of work. OH my but, your past is your past and she seemed so inteligent and sincere. Things went very well as the evening began to run late and we lost track of time. I thought to myself, she seems very nice and we agreed that a second date might be very nice. Now not to say a kiss would have signifyed the end of the date but this was one of those moments when it seemed right. Just before that she stopped and told me we need to talk about something. She made it a point to show me her drivers licenses and puzzled I looked at her and asked, what is it you need to tell me. That's when she told me she had confused plumbing! Still I did not understand the code!!!! She then explained she was transgendered! Still did not understand so she took my hand gently and placed in in her lap .......

I was nice about it. Thanked her for being honest before we would have kissed and made a graceful exit.

Yeah now that's something that might warp you for a long time to come.


Hence my first rule to dating "Women only"

James

[Sonny Beaches]

Sophia:

I can not believe you started this thread and did not give me a personal invite. I have "Dates from Hell" stories till next Tuesday. They are kinda like the physco stories. I'll leave the stalkers and shooters out of this and opt for the most interesting story. Now the shooters and stlaker all started out as nice dates first ones anyway......

OK I met this very nice young lady here in Dallas once. I forget where, but it was not someplace "bad" as the date turned out to be. Of course now you have to understand even though her appearence was suspect to belie her ocupation you can not make those judgemnets by appearence alone. She stood 4' 11" (I'm only 5'8") with platium blond hair, olive skin, and was more than curvy. OK stick with me, She was 40 DDD not that really makes a difference to start but picture the proportions. Now I shyed away because I figured she was a dancer, the topless kind, but as she pointed out, you can not judge a book by it's cover. Well not to say topless dancers are any less of a person, my personal experiance is that, women in the line of work are not right for me, yes I know just a genralization and I would not condeme anyone for that, but we are talking the very early stages here.

Now we did go on a date. Anyone ever been to a Greek place in Dallas called Goldfingers? She told me she lived close to me, Plano, in a very nice area, I knew the area. As the conversation followed I felt myself relax more and I began to think, I must have done something right, she is very attractive, yes she did have breast implants, she was very fit, she worked out almost as much as I did, we had similar interests etc. She was stable, was employed and seemed very professional, owned her own home and from what I could tell very smart. The conversation was a blast.

Then started the downslide, she was fresh from a break up with a signifigant other. Not bad, not good but not so bad. This other person was still in the house in Plano, but they we're working on the what and where and all that stuff. She was divorced, not from the most recent break up but prior. Still nothing to bad to deal with. This signifigant other ..... as it turned out was a woman! OK so she had decided to try a same sex relationship, your past is still your past, sure most guys would now be completly excited, I was just OK your out with me so you must like men after all. She comfirmed this feeling. Things seemed to very well after that. I then inquired about her employment, well yes she was a topless dancer, but exploring other avenues and wanting to leave that line of work. OH my but, your past is your past and she seemed so inteligent and sincere. Things went very well as the evening began to run late and we lost track of time. I thought to myself, she seems very nice and we agreed that a second date might be very nice. Now not to say a kiss would have signifyed the end of the date but this was one of those moments when it seemed right. Just before that she stopped and told me we need to talk about something. She made it a point to show me her drivers licenses and puzzled I looked at her and asked, what is it you need to tell me. That's when she told me she had confused plumbing! Still I did not understand the code!!!! She then explained she was transgendered! Still did not understand so she took my hand gently and placed in in her lap .......

I was nice about it. Thanked her for being honest before we would have kissed and made a graceful exit.

Yeah now that's something that might warp you for a long time to come.


Hence my first rule to dating "Women only"

James

Hey James You know how to pick'em , I'm not going with you to look for CHICKS.....

[jextract]

Yeah, I think I'm gonna pass on that one, too.

[WreckWench]

I was nice about it. Thanked her for being honest before we would have kissed and made a graceful exit.

Yeah now that's something that might warp you for a long time to come.

So THAT'S what happened to you eh???? Now it makes perfect sense!

[WreckWench]

As do I. I always suggest that the woman pick a place where she feels safe and comfortable.

Kamala, I understand your desire for safety and security and I never push for something that is being resisted. I suggest that it might be nice to talk on the phone and offer to send my phone number so that she can call me. When we've talked on the phone I suggest that it might be nice to meet in person, but only when I get a sense that she feels at ease. But if we're emailing for a week without a phone call or we're talking on the phone for a week without making plans to meet up, ... unless there's an overriding reason ... well, write it off to my adult ADD but I'm starting to wonder what the real reason is.

Ok that sounds more reasonable! Of course every situation is different...and your progression is reasonable...so who knows...maybe we could meet each other afterall!

Oh wait....we've already done that....and you aren't in the market anymore...darn the luck! Just when I start getting lucky...

[WileEDiver]

No matter how long the screening process might be, there is still a security issue when meeting. Always meet in a public place.

And as my mother used to tell my sister before meeting someone she "met" online: "Have a nice time and don't forget your mace!"

[BradfordNC]

Yeah, but if I could be 21 again with the knowledge I have now .........

i'll second that.

Why Brad...its been such a short time since you were 21

not sure what your talking about.

been an awefully long time since i was 21, as many women i meet keep reminding me

[Mishelle]

Im still 21........

[WreckWench]

Yeah, but if I could be 21 again with the knowledge I have now .........

i'll second that.

Why Brad...its been such a short time since you were 21

not sure what your talking about.

been an awefully long time since i was 21, as many women i meet keep reminding me

No they keep telling you to stop ACTING like you are 21...

[triggerfish]

No matter how long the screening process might be, there is still a security issue when meeting. Always meet in a public place.

screw that walter.

pack a piece and go for broke.

at least, that's the chicago way....marion? you out there girl???