85 replies to this topic

[WreckWench]

I was being interviewed by a gal on the phone, who asked the usual questions on what I looked like, etc, which are ok, but one question killed it. "Do you have a full head of hair?" I laughed and said "yes I do, but the question tells me you have some very superficial standards, so I don't think I'm interested." Sorry, but that's almost as bad as wanting to know the size of my appendage, really stupid.

For some reason this took me by surprise...afterall, at least 50% of our society is extremely how shall we say...'visually oriented' and a full head of hair is no different than a full set of _________ you fill in the blank.

So is it really shallow to worry about physical appearances???




p.s. I want to thank BrinyBay for his thought inspiring comment.

[Walter]

Full head of hair, height requirements, boob size, hair color - I really don't see much difference in any of them. They are all superficial.

[Cold_H2O]

Full head of hair, height requirements, boob size, hair color - I really don't see much difference in any of them. They are all superficial.

Thanks Walter for again being direct.. I find it funny when someone has an appearance check list.. 6', blue eyes, dark hair..etc.... :dltears: What ever happend to personality??? I find most people become more attractive or less the longer I know them...

[WillDiveForBeer]

If that was the case, I would have said my head was bald and let her wonder what head you were talking about, LOL.

In all seriousness, even if you think she was superficial, appearences do count. We are visually inclinded in this world. If you are out at a bar and decided to talk to a female, part of your decision to talk to her is physical attraction. Would you talk to a female who's face was permanently disfigured by a fire that looks like a barbie doll which caught on fire?

What if it was less serious and just somoene who had really severe acne, worse than most teenagers have, would she be your first pick to start talking to?

We all have certain requirements which we want in a partner, most of which we subconsciously think about. Some guys like big breasts, that is what turns them on. If you can't get physically aroused with somoene with small breasts, then you won't look for someone with small breasts. As superficial as it may sound, it is just how humans are. If everyone liked the same physical features, we would all look the same.

Maybe the girl didn't show any class on how she asked if you had a full head of hair, but maybe if you met her you would think she was ugly and wouldn't want to meet. If she knows she doesn't like bald men, why waste both people's time?

-Mike-

[Cold_H2O]

We are visually inclinded in this world.



We all have certain requirements which we want in a partner, most of which we subconsciously think about. Some guys like big breasts, that is what turns them on. If you can't get physically aroused with somoene with small breasts, then you won't look for someone with small breasts. As superficial as it may sound, it is just how humans are. If everyone liked the same physical features, we would all look the same.

If she knows she doesn't like bald men, why waste both people's time?

-Mike-

OK Mike, point well taken.. Do have certain traits/feature that I perfer. But haven't you ever just liked a gal as a friend and for some reason after you get to know her you suddenly think "Hey she's kinda cute"?

[Brinybay]

I was being interviewed by a gal on the phone, who asked the usual questions on what I looked like, etc, which are ok, but one question killed it. "Do you have a full head of hair?" I laughed and said "yes I do, but the question tells me you have some very superficial standards, so I don't think I'm interested." Sorry, but that's almost as bad as wanting to know the size of my appendage, really stupid.

For some reason this took me by surprise...afterall, at least 50% of our society is extremely how shall we say...'visually oriented' and a full head of hair is no different than a full set of _________ you fill in the blanks.

So is it really shallow to worry about physical appearances???

p.s. I want to thank BrinyBay for his thought inspiring comment.

Well, let me take back the "really stupid" part, that was a little harsh. The point was she was ready to write me off w/o even meeting me unless I had I full head of hair. IMO, that would be like me asking her what cup size she was. It's not something either one of us has any control over, and therefore a bit unfair. (Although I will sympathize with women who detest men with bad comb-overs, it hides nothing and looks ridiculous!) It is possible I may have misunderstood her, and she was only curious, but I didn't get that impression from the conversation. Of course, it's only natural that we are drawn to people we find visually appealing, but looks fade over time. That full head of hair won't be there forever, unless you're like my Uncle Jim who kept his up until the day he died at 77, it only turned white.

I feel I've grown beyond that, looks are not that critical to me anymore, so I don't care if women have a flat chest or a pear-shaped figure. (Hygiene is a different matter. No tolerance for bad hygiene). Likewise, if they are measuring my worth by my looks, then we have some very incompatible values and I don't see any point in wasting each other's time. They're also about 25 years too late, I was a much more handsome devil in my 20s-30s.

Edited by Brinybay, 15 February 2005 - 12:20 PM.

[WillDiveForBeer]

I understand what you (gis and bay) mean, looks are less important. Looks has a less importance to me than lets say personality, but I still need to by physically attracted to the person. Also, getting to find someone attractive after "hanging out" with them requires you know them first. If talking to someone over the Internet or telephone, there is not that luxary.

Bay, I wouldn't look into it that much. We all have pictures of ourselves on here and the sight (pun intended) is called Single Divers. If looks weren't important, we wouldn't have pics of ourselves on here, on our dating profiles, etc... I'd be more concerned if she was asking the type of car you drive, your bank account, how much you make, etc...

-Mike-

[ScubaHawk]

Humans have evolved to use visual clues to determin the health of the mate - this directly influences the viability of the offspring and the chances of the mate being around to help raise them. It is only in the modern era that science has made it possibable for conditions that would have led to a non-viable mating to be cured or treated and thus becoming a non-issue. It is also a recent (on the evelotionary time line) social construct that encourages mate selection for non-reproductive reasons. Physical attraction is a combination of picking up on the visual clues indicating a heathly, viable mate and the cultural construct, imprinted on us at a very young age, of what is attractive. Lack of hair is not a, per say, indicator of poor health but a full head of healthy hair tends to be a positive indicator - as does healthy skin, stature, good teeth etc. . . (I have taken way too many Anthropology classes)

P.S. many physical anthropologists believe that men are attracted to large breasts because the cleavage reminds the primitive part of their brain of the turned and raised backside of a receptive mate. IE "Wow, she's stacked like a baboon's butt!"

[WreckWench]

So I have a different perspective about the whole internet thing...afterall...if you are searching out THOUSANDS of nameless faces and profiles...and at first blush it seems that there are numerous matches based upon, age range, proximity, maybe even by diving...then why not go for a few more 'dream qualities' or at least physical qualities such as height...weight....and yes even hair. Ya know if hair weren't important men wouldn't spend so much money on trying to replace it and/or trying to hide the fact that they are losing it.

And turn about is fair play...if boobs weren't important women wouldn't spend so much money on buying fake ones!

So....since you are bascially just narrowing down the field...why not go for a few extra physical qualities you find attractive????

On the other hand....if you meet an incrediably wonderful person that you really like...say on an SD trip or some other non-dating event...and you get along great but the only reason you won't pursue a relationship is because that person is missing hair...or is too flat or this or that....THEN I agree with Walter and others! -ww

[Walter]

We all have some physical characteristics we find sexy. For me, it's eyes and a captivating smile. There's nothing wrong with this. If you let it rule your life, you're likely to make yourself miserable. You need to find someone with whom you connect on an emotional and mental level. If you allow yourself the freedom to select companions based on criteria that is important rather than superficial, you'll be much happier. You'll also notice that pretty soon, your companion is much more attractive physically than you noticed at first.

The argument about survival characteristics has some basis historically, but most traits our society chooses to find attractive are not characteristics that help with survival. It's also interesting to note that these "attractive" traits differ from one culture to another and they chance over time. They are simply socialization. The survival trait argument doesn't hold water when you examine it more than superficially.

[jextract]

I was being interviewed by a gal on the phone, who asked the usual questions on what I looked like, etc, which are ok, but one question killed it. "Do you have a full head of hair?" I laughed and said "yes I do, but the question tells me you have some very superficial standards, so I don't think I'm interested." Sorry, but that's almost as bad as wanting to know the size of my appendage, really stupid.

For some reason this took me by surprise...afterall, at least 50% of our society is extremely how shall we say...'visually oriented' and a full head of hair is no different than a full set of _________ you fill in the blank.

So is it really shallow to worry about physical appearances???




p.s. I want to thank BrinyBay for his thought inspiring comment.

I would think that being from Dallas that hair SIZE would be a consideration!

[jextract]

We are visually inclinded in this world.



We all have certain requirements which we want in a partner, most of which we subconsciously think about. Some guys like big breasts, that is what turns them on. If you can't get physically aroused with somoene with small breasts, then you won't look for someone with small breasts. As superficial as it may sound, it is just how humans are. If everyone liked the same physical features, we would all look the same.

If she knows she doesn't like bald men, why waste both people's time?

-Mike-

OK Mike, point well taken.. Do have certain traits/feature that I perfer. But haven't you ever just liked a gal as a friend and for some reason after you get to know her you suddenly think "Hey she's kinda cute"?

I obviously can't speak for all guys but I can say that this has never happened to me. I know, and I'm pretty sure that most guys know, and I have an inkling that most women know within one minute of meeting a person if I have a romantic/physical attraction to her. I've heard from some of my female friends that they know within 20 seconds whether they will EVER want to sleep with a guy.

[WreckWench]

I would think that being from Dallas that hair SIZE would be a consideration!

And yes in Dallas....hair SIZE DOES MATTER for both men and women!

[mvillanueva]

I was being interviewed by a gal on the phone, who asked the usual questions on what I looked like, etc, which are ok, but one question killed it. "Do you have a full head of hair?" I laughed and said "yes I do, but the question tells me you have some very superficial standards, so I don't think I'm interested." Sorry, but that's almost as bad as wanting to know the size of my appendage, really stupid.

For some reason this took me by surprise...afterall, at least 50% of our society is extremely how shall we say...'visually oriented' and a full head of hair is no different than a full set of _________ you fill in the blank.

So is it really shallow to worry about physical appearances???




p.s. I want to thank BrinyBay for his thought inspiring comment.

I don't think it is shallow to want certain physical characteristics in a partner / potential mate. As others have noted, those traits are invariably what first catches our attention.

However, after substantive efforts on dating sites, after meeting a goodly number of women that matched my ideal in physical characteristics, I can honestly say that the desired physical traits do not hold sway as they did before. Invariably, any tumescent desire of mine receded within the first 5 minutes of conversation.

I am left with reading between the lines for those intangible traits that can never be articulated within a profile, as well as listening carefully during the first conversation for evidence.

[WillDiveForBeer]

AMEN to Walter, couldn't have said it better myself (except for the additon of nice legs, hehe). There are physical qualities I like, but I don't let them rule my life. And, after dating someone for awhile you do tend to find them more attractive after time. I find it a bit funny but disheartening at the same time, when females won't talk to a guy because he doesn't have the "Fabio" look, but then complain that they are single or all the good guys are taken. Maybe there is a reason the girl Bry was talking about uses the Internet for dating...she's too picky, looking for Mr. Right in all the wrong ways and will still run into the same problem she encounters in other forms of meeting people.

In going with jextract, that is exactly what I mean. You meet a girl and they instantly turn you down without even getting to know you and on the flip side, fall in love with you after meeting you 5 minutes prior. It is all physical attraction at first to start the conversaion and if they don't find you attractive, you loose. Only after time can one really asses the person, which men are guilty as charged as well.

So, maybe we should all wear blindfolds when doing SCUBA so we get to know each other and not swayed by each other's looks...LOL