85 replies to this topic

[mvillanueva]

And fortunately for me, my bald spot is on the back of my head. This strategic placement, which according to my daughter only has increased in circumference, allows me visual deniability every morning in front of the mirror.

[cmt489]

While looks are not everything, in my female opinion, they still count for something. As stated before in this thread, it is difficult to look past something that you simply find absolutely unattractive (physically or in character). While no one has to be perfect, missing the obvious turn offs for a person is important for a relationship to flourish. For some that is hair, for others it is a nose, for others it is a personality trait. We are all different and what is important to one person is not important to another. Oh yeah, and BTW, I don't believe there is anything wrong with being picky and holding out for Mr. or Ms. Right I settled once and, well, never again!

[drbill]

Anyone who says superficial things like hair color, figure, etc., shouldn't be considered is fighting our natural instincts. However, to weigh them above personality, intelligence, etc. would be very poor judgment. I like a woman who looks good and I'm not going to apologize for it. But if she doesn't have the more important attributes, a second date is very unlikely. Of course if she has the first attributes, my chances of a first date may also be unlikely!

Perhaps she was asking whether he was bald because she likes bald men. I know several women who do, but I'm not willing to shear off the full head of dark hair that has taken me 57 years to grow!

When I attended my 35th college reunion last year, the undergrads were cheering and applauding as my roommates and I passed by. I asked one why, and they said because I still had a full head of dark hair in a sea of grey.

Dr. Bill
Superficial SCUBA Man

[Walter]

Anyone who says superficial things like hair color, figure, etc., shouldn't be considered is fighting our natural instincts.

I don't think anyone said they weren't considered, just that they shouldn't be overly important. The first thing I notice is physical appearance. It's not the only thing I notice and it's not the most important.

it is difficult to look past something that you simply find absolutely unattractive

Perhaps it's impossible.

Oh yeah, and BTW, I don't believe there is anything wrong with being picky and holding out for Mr. or Ms. Right

No arguments. The problem comes when you think you've found them based of appearance alone or when you reject the right person for you because they are not physically perfect.

Of course physical appearance is part of the equation. I don't think anyone has indicated otherwise.

[Sophia]

The argument about survival characteristics has some basis historically, but most traits our society chooses to find attractive are not characteristics that help with survival. It's also interesting to note that these "attractive" traits differ from one culture to another and they chance over time. They are simply socialization. The survival trait argument doesn't hold water when you examine it more than superficially.

At least in regard to what women find attractive in men, this is wrong. I remember reading a really in-depth study which showed that women liked the characteristics that showed an excess of testerone, and health. I remember the three big ones were, symmetry, square jaw, and height. What was most interesting was that it went across cultures. For example, Japanese women found Denzel Washington (who has exemplifies all three things) more attractive than an average looking japanese guy.

What men liked was an entirely different matter. That was all over the board (say Amen!, brother). The only grouping they found in the data was that several men liked women that looked like the girls in Japanese Animation. Huge eyes, tiny chin, big breasts and no waist.

I read something else, and this was based on several studies. Long-term couples are about equal in attractiveness. Unless there are other factors. The uglier one has money, for example. Or, if he is more attractive than she is, and there are no other factors, then she will look like his mother.

[TheSassyRabbit]

While looks are not everything, in my female opinion, they still count for something. As stated before in this thread, it is difficult to look past something that you simply find absolutely unattractive (physically or in character). While no one has to be perfect, missing the obvious turn offs for a person is important for a relationship to flourish. For some that is hair, for others it is a nose, for others it is a personality trait. We are all different and what is important to one person is not important to another. Oh yeah, and BTW, I don't believe there is anything wrong with being picky and holding out for Mr. or Ms. Right I settled once and, well, never again!

I completely agree.

Attraction is a strange thing. I will say that there have been men that I didn't think were "hot" when I first met them, but they were so wonderful that I quickly became attracted to them. On the flip side, I've met some "hot" men, who, within minutes I realized I would never be compatible with. The trick is finding the balance. Sorry, but the reality is that they have to be attractive to me to consider waking up next to them every morning, or having any kind of intimacy with them. The catch phrase is to me.

The big question is what is attractive to me? It's different from person to person. I may like the sound of their voice, certain things they say, their manners, the way they react or respond to people or situations, etc... I once dated a guy who told me that on a first date with a woman, he was turned off by the way she held her fork and knife when she was cutting meat. It sounded really weird to me, but came together for me when I realized that I didn't like some of his mannerisms at times. On the surface it all sounds superficial, but IMO, there's no accounting for what makes someone attractive to me or to you. I'm not looking for the guy who spends all of his free time at the gym, nor am I looking for a guy who has given up on his physical appearance altogether. But there's a big range in between. There are certain physical appearances that I'm more attracted to than others (somehow I seem to find myself attracted to men who have receding hair lines, but I don't think that a receding hair line itself is sexy.... )

Another sensitive point: bank account. I don't look for someone who is "wealthy", but I will be the first to admit, that I have worked very hard to have a financially stable life, and I'm not about to get involved with someone who has a lot of debt (for whatever reason. I'm not judging them as a person, but judging whether I want to take on that issue. I have a number of male and female friends who are in debt up to their ears.... but I'm not dating or marrying them!). I'm realtively debt free (outside of the car and house) and think that many relationships fail over the issue of money. I don't want that to be a circumstance going into it! I don't ask about it up front, but have a number of things I look for to help me determine someone's position.

So, if a man isn't attracted to me, I try not to take it too personally, because it's not always personal. It just is what it is. I won't say that it doesn't hurt sometimes, because it does. However, I'm not attracted to every man I meet either, but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't want them as a friend, etc. So, in other words, what goes around comes around, and if a full head of hair is what's she's looking for, I don't think that's any worse than looking for a full set of teeth, or other things. It just is what it is. You might price yourself out of the market, but that's a personal choice.

[jextract]

... she will look like his mother.

[jextract]

Another sensitive point: bank account. I don't look for someone who is "wealthy", but I will be the first to admit, that I have worked very hard to have a financially stable life, and I'm not about to get involved with someone who has a lot of debt (for whatever reason. I'm not judging them as a person, but judging whether I want to take on that issue. I have a number of male and female friends who are in debt up to their ears.... but I'm not dating or marrying them!). I'm realtively debt free (outside of the car and house) and think that many relationships fail over the issue of money. I don't want that to be a circumstance going into it! I don't ask about it up front, but have a number of things I look for to help me determine someone's position.

I know we've touched on this before, but I think this is important, too. Given that there are so many marriages that end in divorce, it is required that we all protect ourselves. Marriage is a legal financial contract (I found this out the hard way). We must make sure that what we have, what we earn, and what we WILL earn in the future is protected, should things not work out. Even if you have nothing right now, you never know what the future will hold for you and you must protect it. It is not just about the money, it is your life that you have invested in earning it.

Two things I learned from going through divorce:
1) find people in your economic bracket.
2) never, ever get married without a pre-nuptual agreement.

[Marvel]

There are certain physical appearances that I'm more attracted to than others (somehow I seem to find myself attracted to men who have receding hair lines, but I don't think that a receding hair line itself is sexy.... )

More face to kiss, perhaps?

[TheSassyRabbit]

There are certain physical appearances that I'm more attracted to than others (somehow I seem to find myself attracted to men who have receding hair lines, but I don't think that a receding hair line itself is sexy.... )

More face to kiss, perhaps?

[Cold_H2O]

Two things I learned from going through divorce:
1) find people in your economic bracket.
2) never, ever get married without a pre-nuptual agreement.

I use to think anyone who ask for a prenup was an ass... But having divorced and lost everything ( I know as the woman I am suppose to clean him out). I have to agree. I have worked too long and hard to get what I have.Again. Its not that I won't share but to 100% support a man , I had kids to experience that, or risk loosing it all again? uh HELL NO..
so 2 things to remember
Date your $$ equal or at least close
and
PRENUP!!!!!!

[GentDiver]

Hair? what the *$%# is that?

Sorry but I just couldn't resist. My comment back would have been, "Once you go bald, you never go back!"

Scott

:lam:

[jextract]

Two things I learned from going through divorce:
1) find people in your economic bracket.
2) never, ever get married without a pre-nuptual agreement.

I use to think anyone who ask for a prenup was an ass... But having divorced and lost everything ( I know as the woman I am suppose to clean him out). I have to agree. I have worked too long and hard to get what I have.Again. Its not that I won't share but to 100% support a man , I had kids to experience that, or risk loosing it all again? uh HELL NO..
so 2 things to remember
Date your $$ equal or at least close
and
PRENUP!!!!!!

The way that I frame that discussion is this: "I want both of us to have absolute confidence that we are with each other because we love each other. I'd like to that to you by signing an agreement with you that should this not work out that I'm not interested in anything you have financially. We walk away, splitting everything equally and no ties whatsoever."

I broke up with one person I dated a few years ago because when I told her I would never get married without a prenup she said she'd never sign one. I said that there's no reason for us to continue to see each other then. Another, who initially said she would never sign one, asked about a clause on infidelity. I said I'd include that if she included language that she would put out any time and anywhere I wanted.

[TheSassyRabbit]

Another, who initially said she would never sign one, asked about a clause on infidelity.

Would you have a problem including a clause about this? I wouldn't. If I am unhappy enough to go outside of my relationship, and out of respect for my s/o, it's time to end it. I'm not sure if I'm pro-prenup or not yet, but I would consider that a "negotiable" point.

[jextract]

No, I wouldn't have a problem including that. However, having been married to someone who used sex and intimacy as a bargaining chip I'd say that I would have to include the other language as a counterbalance.