330 replies to this topic

[Marion1336]

I'm sorry to say it but it appears SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

Yeah, I think I figured that out already, thanks for the analysis.

No problem!

[drdiver]

I'm sorry to say it but it appears SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

Yeah, I think I figured that out already, thanks for the analysis.

No problem!

You could probably go on TV or at least talk Radio with insight like that!!!

[steelemagnolia6]

tried the internet thing too..... met a few great guys and we are pretty good friends, but mr right still eludes me..... I know he's out there, I guess that I'll have ti run him down in the parking lot of the dive shop to meet him but I know that he's out there....

[drdiver]

well, I know I will find her. And she'll be a diver!!!!! and a sailor!!!!!

[Cold_H2O]

Great news Michelle. Glad to hear your are now spoken for but buddyless. Let us know how his OW class goes.

[Abyss]

.....REJECTION!!!!!!!!!!Responses to such action as follows: What are you saying? I am not good enough for you? I'll feed you to the , and you will never be missed! Or I was just waiting for you to bow out so I did not hurt your feelings. We think that is and consideration. And then the All Time Favorite of interaction with the opposite sex is............... I already found somebody else anyway, but did not know how to tell you, for fear of hurting your feelings. ( again their goes those feelings) Feelings......Nothing more than Feelings.....trying to forget my.... Feelings of Love hmm :anna: : It has been my experience that humans do not deal well with this topic ( either inward or outward). Maybe that is why God created !!!!!!!!!!!!! We do not have to break it off......... we can simply choose a new Buddy. They will surely get the message Life is Like a box of chocolates ....ya never know what yer gonna get. Maybe this means wisdom comes with age ,but the side effect is wrinkles. Gotta take the bad with the good!!!!!!!!!!!

[moparmagician]

Then there is the other side of this to. I recently, (in the last month or so) have been dating a gal. Less than 10 dates, well she just isn't for me, she drives me nuts. Anyways, I do what is easiest for me, I write the ole dear john letter and email it to her. You know the you're a great person, etc. but we just don't match and get along well, that spark isn't there. Now I can't get rid of her, what's up with that? She shows up at my house last weekend uninvited, prepared to spend the weekend, then after her being there all day, I finally get across my hint to her, that I don't want her there. And she calls and emails me all week wanting to get together this weekend. Sheesh. I did the nice "get lost" thing, but now I am afraid I am going to have to get mean and nasty with her to get rid of her. Any Idea's? :lam:

[Walter]

There's no need to be mean and nasty, but there is a need to be firm and clear. Don't hint. Say what you mean. Don't say it in a way that can be misunderstood. If you didn't want her at your house, why did you let her stay? You, my friend, are sending mixed signals.

she calls and emails me all week wanting to get together this weekend.

Are you taking the calls or letting the answering machine handle them? Are you responding to the e-mails? Take her calls and when she says she wants to get together, you tell her you don't want to get together, that you are not interested. Respond firmly to her calls and e-mails. Hints are not a good idea.

[steelemagnolia6]

the direct approach is always the best........ hinting doesn't seem to work, because it does send mixed signals... if you take the calls or answer the email, or even open the door you are not sticking by your guns....

[Hipshot]

<taking a deep breath> We've seen a bunch of really good posts on this subject, and so far, there are at least three conclusions that can be drawn:

1) There are various ways to break things off in a relationship, some that are rather unfair and some that show fairness and respect;

2) Neither men nor women corner the market on consideration towards the other person during the end of a relationship; and,

3) Although it might require courage, honesty is the best way to let the other person know that it's over.

Rick


And do you think that we've grown up differently?
Don't seem the same, seems you've lost your feel for me

So let's leave it alone 'cause we can't see eye-to-eye
There ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys
There's only you and me and we just disagree --Dave Mason

[nextariel]

[dustbowl diver]

Ditto!!!!!

DBD

[steelemagnolia6]

Very good......

[WillDiveForBeer]

Well, according to the woman author, a possible reason for not cutting one's losses and moving on right away is:

"We go out with someone, we get excited about them, and then they do something that mildly disappoints us. Then they keep doing a lot more things that disappoint us. Then we go into hyper-excuse mode for weeks or possibly months, because the last thing we want to think is that this great man that we are so excited abaout is in the process of turning into a creep. We try to come up with some explanation for why they're behaving that way, any explanation, no matter how ridiculous, than the one explanation that's the truth: He's just not that into me."

I agree to some extent. I don't mind being told by a guy that he's no longer interested; it's a bitter pill of course, but much more respectful than being ignored or emailed only when he seems to have nothing else to do. When there's no closure, THAT's when I get annoyed.

And also, to address the first half of the quote, I wholeheartedly believe it. Who wants to think that they've wasted time getting excited about such a dud? Nobody wants to believe that they've misjudged another so wrongly. All about the ego in some ways . . .

Out of curiosity, did the book cover how women reject men? I might be young and not as experienced as others here, but I'm sure a large majority of the guys have been rejected from a girl in a not so nice manor or lied to. Why when a girl isn't interested, will she give him a fake number to call? Why will she say she's just here with her girlfriends and then 15 minutes later, you see the same girl talking to a more hunky guy? Or, how many times has a guy called a girl and she won't return the phone calls back? For the most part, guys do the part asking girls out and for the most part, are rejected. Just think of how many girls a guy has asked out or approached in his life and how many have said no. With that in mind, maybe the guy, subconsiously is giving the female a "taste of her own medicine" from all the years of rejections he has received.

Another possibility is that maybe women just don't take no for an answer and he doesn't want to deal with a while explanation. Obviously he doesn't want to deal with the female anymore and if it could be a simple "Julie, this just isn't working out. I had a great couple months, but you aren't the one for me and I need to move on" and if would end at that, maybe more guys would, but more often than not, she wants a more detailed explanation, maybe she'll put some kind of spin on it and it isn't a pleasent experience. If she just understood that "He's just not into you" and can accept that at face value, maybe more guys would have that conversation.

Everyone is at fault, everyone is liable. Guys acting as pigs, gals acting as b!tche$ because no one wants to face the truth because the truth is ugly. Others handle the truth better than others, but somewhere down the road, a guy is being called an a$$ by the girl he broke up with or one of her girlfriends (that's okay Julie, you don't need him, he was an a$$ to you) or the girl a b!tch if she breaks up with him. It's all in nature and maybe, just maybe "the guy ignored you so you could feel better about yourself so you can use the excuse "what an a$$hole" for not returning my calls or having the cohones to confront me to break up with me".

Just my single penny, which through compounding interest (experience) will grow to be 2 cents.

-Mike-

[annasea]

Out of curiosity, did the book cover how women reject men? I might be young and not as experienced as others here, but I'm sure a large majority of the guys have been rejected from a girl in a not so nice manor or lied to. Why when a girl isn't interested, will she give him a fake number to call? Why will she say she's just here with her girlfriends and then 15 minutes later, you see the same girl talking to a more hunky guy? Or, how many times has a guy called a girl and she won't return the phone calls back? For the most part, guys do the part asking girls out and for the most part, are rejected. Just think of how many girls a guy has asked out or approached in his life and how many have said no. With that in mind, maybe the guy, subconsiously is giving the female a "taste of her own medicine" from all the years of rejections he has received.

Another possibility is that maybe women just don't take no for an answer and he doesn't want to deal with a while explanation. Obviously he doesn't want to deal with the female anymore and if it could be a simple "Julie, this just isn't working out. I had a great couple months, but you aren't the one for me and I need to move on" and if would end at that, maybe more guys would, but more often than not, she wants a more detailed explanation, maybe she'll put some kind of spin on it and it isn't a pleasent experience. If she just understood that "He's just not into you" and can accept that at face value, maybe more guys would have that conversation.

Everyone is at fault, everyone is liable. Guys acting as pigs, gals acting as b!tche$ because no one wants to face the truth because the truth is ugly. Others handle the truth better than others, but somewhere down the road, a guy is being called an a$$ by the girl he broke up with or one of her girlfriends (that's okay Julie, you don't need him, he was an a$$ to you) or the girl a b!tch if she breaks up with him. It's all in nature and maybe, just maybe "the guy ignored you so you could feel better about yourself so you can use the excuse "what an a$$hole" for not returning my calls or having the cohones to confront me to break up with me".

Just my single penny, which through compounding interest (experience) will grow to be 2 cents.

-Mike-

You raised some interesting points.

First, the book doesn't cover how women reject men - it was a book specifically written for women. The explanation given for this is that women spend far more time with each other making excuses for bad behaviour and wondering why the guy was a jerk. Maybe men do this in their heads, but do they get together in a group and comfort and console each other when one of them has been dumped?

As a woman, I certainly don't condone a woman giving a guy a fake phone number - I think that's appalling and cowardly behaviour. But I don't think it's fair that a man (OR woman), whether it's subconscious or deliberate, turns around and treats another woman (OR man) in a disrespectful manner. It just perpetuates the problem.

I understand what you're saying about wanting to just leave it at "Julie, this isn't working out", but the reality is, most people, whether they're male or female, want (and deserve?) an explanation as to why. I don't think it has to be confrontational if it's done in a tactful manner. Mind you, one can never predict how the other party will react.

Regarding your last bit:
'It's all in nature and maybe, just maybe "the guy ignored you so you could feel better about yourself so you can use the excuse "what an a$$hole" for not returning my calls or having the cohones to confront me to break up with me".'

It's something we haven't seen here yet. I personally don't agree with it - I think such a guy probably IS just an a**hole! And, is therefore too selfish, cowardly, and inconsiderate to say anything to her. If he's concerned with her feeling better about herself, he would extend the courtesy and respect to her that she deserves and would be upfront with her. But it's an interesting take nonetheless! Maybe others will agree with it.

Edited by annasea, 24 April 2005 - 07:37 PM.