100 replies to this topic

[Dejah]

Seriously THINK about just How Honest the vast majority of people really -are- in those personal ad profiles.

Unforunately a lot aren't honest.. I have run into so many people when I was on a dating site where they look nothing like their pictures and you come to find out the photo was 10 years old... also some mention they like certain things and later find out they actually hate what they mentioned liking in their profiles... This is only a few reasons why I gave up on those sites no honesty.

[steelemagnolia6]

None of us are the prize that we think we are... So we put ourselves in the best light as possible.

I don't keep my skeletons in my closet, there'd be no room for my shoes.... I keep em buried in the back yard!!!!


No seriously, I feel like those ads are almost like a combination job interview and used car car salesman's shuck and jive....

[David Evans]

I've used Match.com and eHarmony.com.

I found Match.com to be analgous to a singles bar, where the objective was to find a "hook-up". And in that capacity, it seems to work. (I'll leave it at that)

I found eHarmony to be remarkable... I met a couple of truly remarkable people through that service, and I may use it again someday once life settles down a bit for me.

eHarmony requires WORK. It's not a simple or straightforward process, it's tedious to register, and the communication process can be tedious. But if I were in a situation where I was looking for the Last Great Love of my Life, I might consider going back there again.

Again, I was astonished at the quality of people I met through eHarmony, and how VERY much we had in common. But the only caveat I have to offer for eHarmony, aside from the things mentioned above, is that without exception the people I met through eHarmony were looking for marriage.

I think in that capacity, it may be a great resource - but if you're not looking for a relationship of that serious nature, it may be best to stay clear, lest you (or your partner) get hurt.

I'm not quite to a stage in my life where I'm ready for that kind of relationship again, but I hope I'll get there soon. When the time is right, and if I'm not already involved, I'll certainly consider eHarmony again....

But I doubt I ever log on to match.com again.

JMHO,

-david

[AliKat]

A guy with cats should have been your first clue.

Just kidding.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with a guy with cats!

[Hipshot]

I've used Match.com for a couple of years now, and I've developed a couple of relationships, a couple of friendships, and a number of strikeouts during that time. I have to say that on balance, I prefer working the online dating thing; even the strikeouts were generally a better class of people than I met in the bar scene. That said, there are a few ground rules:

1) Always talk on the phone before arranging meeting #1.
2) Meeting #1 takes place in a public place (like a coffee shop) preferably in broad daylight.
3) If you have a cell phone, that's the best number to use at first.
4) Approach meeting #1 with generally low expectations, for the reasons discussed in the past few pages.
5) Beware of unnatural or soft-focus pictures--there's probably a reason. This is not to sound shallow; instead, anyone who would be deceptive in their pictures or profile is probably unworthy.
6) For meeting #1 the guy pays UNLESS she insists on splitting the tab, in which case it would be insulting to insist on picking up the entire thing.
7) Don't talk about your ex. If she asks, tell her that "I really don't want to trash my ex." If she doesn't respect that, then she's unworthy.
8) Beware of anyone who isn't close to their family and/or doesn't have friends outside of work. It's okay to be at odds with ONE OR TWO relatives, but if someone doesn't do things with their family, there's a reason.

If anyone wants to visit my Match.com profile, my name there is Lacrosse39. I will take any comments in the spirit of constructiveness.

Cheers,
Rick



"Normal" is not a condition, it's a setting on the washing machine.

[AliKat]

I've used Match.com for a couple of years now, and I've developed a couple of relationships, a couple of friendships, and a number of strikeouts during that time. I have to say that on balance, I prefer working the online dating thing; even the strikeouts were generally a better class of people than I met in the bar scene. That said, there are a few ground rules:

1) Always talk on the phone before arranging meeting #1.
2) Meeting #1 takes place in a public place (like a coffee shop) preferably in broad daylight.
3) If you have a cell phone, that's the best number to use at first.
4) Approach meeting #1 with generally low expectations, for the reasons discussed in the past few pages.
5) Beware of unnatural or soft-focus pictures--there's probably a reason. This is not to sound shallow; instead, anyone who would be deceptive in their pictures or profile is probably unworthy.
6) For meeting #1 the guy pays UNLESS she insists on splitting the tab, in which case it would be insulting to insist on picking up the entire thing.
7) Don't talk about your ex. If she asks, tell her that "I really don't want to trash my ex." If she doesn't respect that, then she's unworthy.
8) Beware of anyone who isn't close to their family and/or doesn't have friends outside of work. It's okay to be at odds with ONE OR TWO relatives, but if someone doesn't do things with their family, there's a reason.

If anyone wants to visit my Match.com profile, my name there is Lacrosse39. I will take any comments in the spirit of constructiveness.

Cheers,
Rick



"Normal" is not a condition, it's a setting on the washing machine.

I have to take issues with a couple of things here.

HE should absolutly not pay for the first date...if the first meeting could even be called a date. Each should pay for their own. Someone I just met (and may never care to see again) doesn't need to be paying for things. But, then again, neither am I going to pay for him at that point. If the relationship progresses, I've always believed in taking turns paying for things.

There probably are reasons if someone is not close to family, but not all them reflect negatively on the person.

[cmt489]

My 2 cents here - I think whomever asks for the "meet up" should pay for the date/encounter. After all, it is an invitation...

[Hipshot]

AliKat, cmt489,

You'll notice that I didn't say that the guy MUST pay. However, a proper gentleman would offer, and I am generally in favor of politeness. You'll notice that I couched that guideline with, "UNLESS she insists on splitting the tab, in which case it would be insulting to insist on picking up the entire thing."

AliKat, you could be right about having a reason for not being close to family, but being removed from all family should raise about as many red flags as did the French Revolution.

Nonetheless, having read a number of both of your posts, I respect your opinions. Perhaps I should reconsider those positions.

Cheers,
Rick



If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
--Lao Tzu

[Brinybay]

You'll notice that I didn't say that the guy MUST pay. However, a proper gentleman would offer, and I am generally in favor of politeness. You'll notice that I couched that guideline with, "UNLESS she insists on splitting the tab, in which case it would be insulting to insist on picking up the entire thing."

Nope, sorry, I don't agree. First date should be split, each pay their own. Politeness has nothing to do with it. Women have demanded equality with men in pay and access to opportunities (as they should), and it's high time they started picking up some of the social burdens as well, like paying for a date. Subsequent dates are negotiable, but person doing the asking should expect to pay. I would not be the least bit offended if I asked and she accepted but wanted to pay her own way. After all, it's her company I want, not a reason to squeeze the dinner out of her later. Women should also do more of the asking and first approaches.

[steelemagnolia6]

If I ask a guy out, and I have done it with good results, then I pay! I think who ever does the asking should do the paying. I've never been one to think that a guy should have to pay the tab for everything if you are on a date. "If I ask he pays and if he asks then he pays" is a thing of the past this is the new millenium after all.

I do agree that the first meeting on the online dating thing should be in the daylight in a public place, never give out your home phone number till you are sure about this person.

Ladies meet this person in a place that you are 100% comfortable in. Somewhere that you are familar with. The last thing that you want to do is be somewhere where you have to worry about how to get out of there if things don't feel right.

Everyone should trust their gut instinct, if something doesn't feel right chances are it's not. If it's too good to be true chances are that it is not true...

If someone is not close to their family there could be a lot of reasons why. That can't always be your devining rod, but for me close family ties are important since I am close to mine. Some families are toxic!!

[Brinybay]

.. being removed from all family should raise about as many red flags as did the French Revolution.

Not necessarily. My family was never the huggin types, we all go about our lives and don't often talk, doesn't mean there's something wrong. On the opposite end of the spectrum, close family ties can be a hinderance also. My younger brother's ex-wife was so tied by the imbilical cord to any remote relation that it was a constant parade of strangers in their home. Many of them were nosy and obnoxious and my brother rightly chased them out of there. She even tried to strike up with some step-relatives of ours, people who were so unlikable (including dear old step-dad) we never claimed them. I don't care if they're related or not, I treat them the same as anybody else. There are many people in my circle of friends that I'm closer to than I am my own blood relations. Another advantage to keeping your distance from family is you aren't expected to shell out a fortune in Christmas presents each year.

[Hipshot]

Greg & Kay,

You both make some very good points. I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned and being close to my family, I'm suspicious of anyone who is on the outs with their entire immediate family.

Rick



Charming, but use with caution: some ideas are a bit dated.
--C.S. Lewis

[WillDiveForBeer]

You'll notice that I didn't say that the guy MUST pay.  However, a proper gentleman would offer, and I am generally in favor of politeness.  You'll notice that I couched that guideline with, "UNLESS she insists on splitting the tab, in which case it would be insulting to insist on picking up the entire thing."

Nope, sorry, I don't agree. First date should be split, each pay their own. Politeness has nothing to do with it. Women have demanded equality with men in pay and access to opportunities (as they should), and it's high time they started picking up some of the social burdens as well, like paying for a date. Subsequent dates are negotiable, but person doing the asking should expect to pay. I would not be the least bit offended if I asked and she accepted but wanted to pay her own way. After all, it's her company I want, not a reason to squeeze the dinner out of her later. Women should also do more of the asking and first approaches.

I agree here. THe majority of the time the guy asks the girl out, so he is always burdened with the cost of paying. It gets expensive after awhile, date after date after date. Women want equality and they are part of the working class now. 50 years ago when women didn't work as much or if they did, their jobs were 75% less than the guys, it might make sense for the guy to pay for the date. Things should be split, the guy pays his way and the female pays her way. The 1st meeting should be to get a free meal, it should be to get to know about the person. If you feel that after you are a couple and should alternate every time you go out, why not start at the 1st session? The difference being if I meet someone who currently isn't working or is in an entirely different income bracket, then some adjusting might be needed. Lets say I am in that photo class and I meet that cute 22 yr old who's still in school. I would expect to pay as I remember what it's like to be the poor and starving college student. If the girl has a problem from paying her own way on the 1st meeting, probably not the kind of person I want to date anyways.

-Mike-

[BradfordNC]

A guy with cats should have been your first clue.

Just kidding. 

Hey, there's nothing wrong with a guy with cats!

yeah, if ya like GAY guys j/k

[Brinybay]

Lets say I am in that photo class and I meet that cute 22 yr old who's still in school. I would expect to pay as I remember what it's like to be the poor and starving college student. If the girl has a problem from paying her own way on the 1st meeting, probably not the kind of person I want to date anyways.

-Mike-

Hell, if I could get a 22yo hottie to go out with me, you bet I'd pay!