69 replies to this topic

[cmt489]

I have tried the online dateing service for awhile now and usally get one date out of it.  but since i don't work for the CIA or FBI and don't have any great stories to telll it turns out to be just a dinner for one night and never hear from them again kind or thing.

Just be funny and confident.

LOL! No pressure there Walter!

[cmt489]

As I have posted in the past, I met my BF online. From the stories I hear, maybe I was just lucky. I don't know but it definitely worked for me!

[Walter]

No pressure at all. Tease her like she was one of the guys. Don't try to impress her with FBI/CIA stories, be yourself. You'll be funny. To be confident, you need to develop the attitude that you're looking to enjoy an evening. Don't think beyond that one date. If it goes farther, great. If it doesn't, that's ok too. You aren't looking to make a connection with every woman. You are open to the possibility of a connection, but you really only want one connection. If this woman isn't that connection (and any particular one isn't likely to be) then you'll find her in the future. You don't need this woman to be that connection. You'll soon discover a number of things - you are becoming more attractive to women and your confidence level will rise dramatically.

If you have a serious issue with your confidence you can fix that fairly quickly by just making a point to talk to several attractive women each day without hoping for any future contact. In the grocery store, ask an attractive woman her opinion about brand A vs brand B. The question must be sincere and you must not be trying to do anything except find the answer.

[WreckWench]

No pressure at all. Tease her like she was one of the guys. Don't try to impress her with FBI/CIA stories, be yourself. You'll be funny. To be confident, you need to develop the attitude that you're looking to enjoy an evening. Don't think beyond that one date. If it goes farther, great. If it doesn't, that's ok too. You aren't looking to make a connection with every woman. You are open to the possibility of a connection, but you really only want one connection. If this woman isn't that connection (and any particular one isn't likely to be) then you'll find her in the future. You don't need this woman to be that connection. You'll soon discover a number of things - you are becoming more attractive to women and your confidence level will rise dramatically.

If you have a serious issue with your confidence you can fix that fairly quickly by just making a point to talk to several attractive women each day without hoping for any future contact. In the grocery store, ask an attractive woman her opinion about brand A vs brand B. The question must be sincere and you must not be trying to do anything except find the answer.

Walter...sometimes you amaze me! This is EXCELLENT advice! -ww

[annasea]

No pressure at all.  Tease her like she was one of the guys.  Don't try to impress her with FBI/CIA stories, be yourself.  You'll be funny.  To be confident, you need to develop the attitude that you're looking to enjoy an evening.  Don't think beyond that one date.  If it goes farther, great.  If it doesn't, that's ok too.  You aren't looking to make a connection with every woman.  You are open to the possibility of a connection, but you really only want one connection.  If this woman isn't that connection (and any particular one isn't likely to be) then you'll find her in the future.  You don't need this woman to be that connection.  You'll soon discover a number of things - you are becoming more attractive to women and your confidence level will rise dramatically. 

If you have a serious issue with your confidence you can fix that fairly quickly by just making a point to talk to several attractive women each day without hoping for any future contact.  In the grocery store, ask an attractive woman her opinion about brand A vs brand B.  The question must be sincere and you must not be trying to do anything except find the answer.

Walter...sometimes you amaze me! This is EXCELLENT advice! -ww

It ain't for nuthin' that I call him Walter the Wise!!!

[drdiver]

It's a lot better advice than this technique...

Fake Jogger

[drbill]

Confidence (without being arrogant) does seem to be a real turn on for many women. Hmmm, come to think of it... I prefer it in the women I date (I will date again, right?). A number of the women I've met through diving (as friends) have commented on my confident appearance at the dive park (put me down at 192 ft to loosen up an anchor, like a DM friend of mine had to do yesterday while I was diving on their boat), and if you look closely you'll see near panic in my eyes! However at normal recreational depths I feel as comfortable as could be (without being too self-confident and complacent).

I've never had a real problem with public speaking (in fact, I quite enjoy it as long as I'm prepared on the subject). That's a good way to show confidence as well, especially with the dive groups I speak to.

And there's some evidence that this confidence is indeed attracting a few lovely dive ladies. I'm not telling any stories here, but I have a pretty "confident" feeling that my long drought is nearing an end. I just hope it isn't a total deluge like the drought-busting rainfall in California last season!

At the dive park this weekend I had one dive instructor literally run over, jump up on me and give me a long hug. Now if that doesn't instill added confidence. I'd only met her once before. But then I looked for my wallet in the back pocket of my wetsuit and... it was gone!

[jt0001]

There is a lot of advice out there on how to meet / date / have relationship with women. Most of the advice is given by those of us who are trying to date / meet / have a relationship with women. I for one have been married to some very beautiful and wonderful women (2) but for some reason or 100 it doesn’t seem to stick. I have used the online dating service with a great result in my current relationship but like anything else you have to sort through all the chaff and find what you are looking for. I talked to 30 or so possible dates met 8 and dated 1 and it took 10 months to find the right one . Like anything, it just ain’t easy

[Ditzydaisy]

I am also doing the online dating thing. You just have to keep plugging at it.
Don't close other options either. In the last year, through online dating, I've had
one relationship that had potential. And for that reason, I'll keep at it.
Any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated!

[Ditzydaisy]

(Brinybay@Aug28,2005,02:10AM)If you want to meet women in bars but don't drink, just lick the back of your platinum card and stick it to your forehead.

Bring your platinum card to Texas and we will have some fun!

Edited by Ditzydaisy, 04 September 2005 - 11:58 AM.

[Twinklez]

I never really take myself too seriously and so that is very much reflected in my profiles.   I just always figured if they can't understand my humor then it really wasn't gonna work out anyway.  Just can't quite get myself to say "I like moonlight walks down the beach...", instead I would answer questions like "Tell us something only your best friends would know" with "I'm Batman". 

Funny, that is exactly the kind of response I'd be looking for. I get so tired of seeing the same "moonlit walk on the beach" line, or the "any sport with a ball" line. Then there's the "I don't even own a truck" phrase indicating the guy IS NOT a redneck.

Well guess what? I DO own a truck! Yes, I own a pair of packers and some jeans; though not wranglers. I also own sandals I wear to the dive park, tennies for mowing, leather dress boots for a rainy day, and a really cute pink dress (which some of you have seen). So don't try to classify me or put me in a box with like people; because there is no one like me! I am unique, authentic and multi-faceted.

I absolutely loathe a man that asks for my measurements or bra size before even asking my name. Just once I'd like to be noticed for what's on the inside instead of the outside package. (That means he's going to have to ask questions and actually LISTEN to the answers.)

I want someone who is authentic. Someone who is not afraid to say what's really on their mind; someone who can spread a smile in the most awkward of circumstances, or make light of the toughest situations.

Yes, I do the online dating thing. Yes, I've actually met one face to face. No, I've not found anyone yet to date. Yes, I've met some wonderful people through SD. No, I have never dated any of them, nor have any of them asked. Yes, there are a few I'd like to know better. (Just because you shared a tent with someone, doesn't mean you shared sleeping bags!) No, I don't go out to clubs (unless it's for an SD HH). No, I've never met an eligible man in the laundramat or the grocery store. No, out here in the woods I don't even have married friends to fix me up with Mr. Wrong. Yes, I'd like to give up looking. No, my heart won't let me.

He's out there - somewhere. I know he is. Someday our paths will cross.

(Wreck Wench) And Jay...I'd love for YOU to do a HH in your area....if we use one of the pictures from our last NC trip...ALL the gals will see that you are VERY easy on the eye!!! (Sorry but your avatar does not do you justice!)

Wenchie is soooo right! I see what looks like very kissable lips wrapped around that reg, but who can really tell? You have eyes - I see them behind the mask, but I can't tell what they really look like! Save the diving picture for another place, and maximize your exposure by putting a great shot of you and your smile next to each post you make by using your avatar.

(Walter) If you have a serious issue with your confidence you can fix that fairly quickly by just making a point to talk to several attractive women each day without hoping for any future contact. In the grocery store, ask an attractive woman her opinion about brand A vs brand B. The question must be sincere and you must not be trying to do anything except find the answer.

Why does the woman have to be attractive? Does it not take the same amount of courage to approach a woman of average or less than average beauty? After all, beauty is only on the outside and you never know what kind of a goddess is buried deep inside each woman you pass, each day. Talk to them all. Talk about anything, and everything. Sincere - yes!!!! You must truly be interested in sharing conversation with anyone you speak to or you'll immediately be seen as shallow or making small talk. Talk, and LISTEN! Listening is the most important thing you'll do in any conversation. Listening is much more than just hearing someone. LISTEN!

On confidence... A confident person likes his or herself - alot. While you may gain courage to speak to women by having frequent and random conversations with them; the confidence realized will only be on the surface. You must know yourself, and like yourself to be confident in who you are. Your TRUE opinion of yourself will be an more accurate reflection of how others perceive you. Look in the mirror - Do you like the person you see standing before you? If not, take care of the issues you feel need to be addressed to be happy with who you are and confidence will flow from you like water from a spring.

(Now, I'm not talking about vanity here...you don't need to be in love with yourself. You must like who you are deep inside where no one else knows you but you.)

Just my opinion, and only that; but since we're sharing...

BTW - Have I told all of you that I love my SD friends and that you're ALL a great bunch of people? Well, I do and you are!

Twinklez

[Hipshot]

Wanna meet men without appearing too forward...help organize a SD event or HH and you'll have contact with LOTS of great people...one whom you may wish to get to know a lot better!

Well, a couple of months ago I tried organizing a HH in the NY Metro area and it never got any traction. Does anyone want to try again?

Rick

[Marvel]

I absolutely loathe a man that asks for my measurements or bra size before even asking my name.  Just once I'd like to be noticed for what's on the inside instead of the outside package.  (That means he's going to have to ask questions and actually LISTEN to the answers.) 

(Wreck Wench) And Jay...I'd love for YOU to do a HH in your area....if we use one of the pictures from our last NC trip...ALL the gals will see that you are VERY easy on the eye!!! (Sorry but your avatar does not do you justice!)

Wenchie is soooo right! I see what looks like very kissable lips wrapped around that reg, but who can really tell? You have eyes - I see them behind the mask, but I can't tell what they really look like! Save the diving picture for another place, and maximize your exposure by putting a great shot of you and your smile next to each post you make by using your avatar.

(Walter) If you have a serious issue with your confidence you can fix that fairly quickly by just making a point to talk to several attractive women each day without hoping for any future contact. In the grocery store, ask an attractive woman her opinion about brand A vs brand B. The question must be sincere and you must not be trying to do anything except find the answer.

Why does the woman have to be attractive? Does it not take the same amount of courage to approach a woman of average or less than average beauty? After all, beauty is only on the outside and you never know what kind of a goddess is buried deep inside each woman you pass, each day.

Please don't take this wrong but you just fell into the same trap yourself right in the same post- judging Jay on his external appearance. Just because someone is, or is not, physically attractive by society's standards does not make him/her's intrinsic value any more or less yet we all still base many character judgments on looks alone. All of us do assess others based on certain characteristics however this is human nature & is ultimately biologically driven. Humans look for certain indicators in the opposite sex on a subconscious level that tell them whether or not that person would make a good mate for procreation & defense. The veneer that society has given us has not yet penetrated deep into our psyche. Pheromones play a big part as well which is why you can be totally enamored of someone on "paper" but when you meet face to face the attraction falls apart- they help to tell us if we will be successful mates biologically speaking. Many of us fall into the trap (myself included) of thinking that if a person of the opposite sex is attracted to them, or not, it is based purely on looks. That is not always the case. Trouble is, some people (not just men) can be inappropriate when seeing & reacting to someone that they find attractive. Thus, the stereotypical catcalls made by construction workers are considered offensive by most women, as is obvious ogling & attempts to get to close to another person. And yet, more & more women behave in such a fashion to one degree or another with men- a very poor double standard. A couple of days ago someone complimented me on the shirt I was wearing- it was a blue shirt that brought out the color of my eyes & but also emphasized my shape. Well, a second man I do not know very well chimed in with what he considered a complement by saying that I filled it out very nicely. The first complement was fine, the second was inappropriate IMHO & I told him so (politely, of course). The other person may have been thinking the same thing for all I know but the second guy stepped over the line of what is deemed acceptable by much of society when conversing with a near stranger.

The points I am trying to make?

-Give the same respect to others that you expect given to yourself. If you are comfortable with strangers commenting & judging you based on your appearance fine, but it seems that you are not. If you are not, consider that when you are making comments to others- they have feelings too. Another brief illustration. I've been in strip clubs for both men & women. In clubs for men, there are usually very strict rules enforced about how the men can engage the women without their consent. In clubs for women, those rules apparently don't exist & the women typically behave in the most appalling fashion- treating the male dancers as contemptuous objects speaking to them as animals & groping them as if they were objects that they owned. Is this a sociological backlash? I used to think so but I've come to believe that it is how we all- male or female- are capable of responding to those we are attracted to were it not for the rules that society imposes. I strongly believe that women need to be held to the same standards of behavior as men. If it is inappropriate for a man to make certain comments or behave in a certain fashion with women than the same holds true for women. We are all entitled to the same respect.

-Don't immediately assume that Walter's reference to attractive women is based solely on society's standards of beauty. Knowing Walter as well as I do, I know that that is not the case & it is also not the case for many men. Sure, they may talk about the hot models & actresses but watch them with other women. You'd be pleasantly surprised at the wide range of women that men are attracted to. Why else would you see so many pairings of attractive men or women with men or women that others consider unattractive? Because men & women base their actual attractions & pairings on a number of biological & intangible factors, not just on looks alone.

Sorry for the long post. Although it may sound like criticism, it is really not meant to be. Or perhaps it is but constructive in nature. I simply feel that all of us, male & female, should be held to the same standards of behavior because we are all worthy of respect.

[Twinklez]

Please don't take this wrong but you just fell into the same trap yourself right in the same post- judging Jay on his external appearance.

As with all things said, often communication is misunderstood.

I was not "judging" Jay. I don't know him. The point is that there is no way to see what this person looks like (attractive or not) from an underwater picture with a mask on and reg in. It doesn't mean that I'm going to form an opinion of the person within from the exterior package. It simply means I'd like to be able to recognize this person and put a face to the posts should I ever have the opportunity of meeting him at a HH or other dive event.

Describing a pair of lips as kissable means they appear to be full and soft. While I have kissed thin, chapped lips (which mine often are due to the elements), it's quite obvious that full and soft would be a natural preference. Ever been kissed on the cheek by a pair of dry chapped lips? Ouch! Yes, I've left my mark on many a cheek. Doesn't mean I was soliciting a sexual response; just showing affection with the lips that happened to be attached to my face. I kiss as many cheeks as I have the opportunity to - babies, children, brothers, moms, dads, grandparents, and friends! I kiss them all!

I suggested a picture of Jay reflecting his smile. I did not ask for a picture reflecting a hairy chest, bulging pants, or tight butt. Frankly I don't care if he has any of those things. I want to know the person on the inside, and put a name to a face. I don't post on this board for the purpose of finding a bed partner.

Walter - First impressions...sweet, caring, non-judgemental, with an authentic soul. I would love the opportunity to know more about him as a person. Asking the question "why does the woman have to be attractive" does not suggest that Walter only considers attractive women. In fact, I clarified my intent by asking the question, "Does it not take the same amount of courage to approach a woman of average or less than average beauty?" An honest question with no response.

Walter, a man who appears confident within himself, was telling Barry, a man who suggest he is not so confident within himself, how to build confidence. His statement suggested that attractive women were required as a vehicle for this process.

Now...with all that said; take a look at my cute little picture posted as my avatar. Yes, that's what I might look like at a HH. Absolutely not, when it comes to what I looked like at Lake Travis! No makeup, hair in a pony tail, sun-burnt cheeks, dry lips, and a bathing suit that was one-size too small with a pouchy tummy and fat thighs!

Does that mean that Barry wouldn't have gained a little self-confidence from his conversation with me Saturday evening at Lake Travis? I hope not. Barry is a very sweet man. Like many of us (including me), he needs to find value in the person he is inside and then people will naturally find value in him as well. It's like a snowball!

Offense? Absolutely none taken Marvel. If we didn't question each other now and again, we would we be?

Twinklez

[Walter]

Twinklez,

Thanks for the compliments. I have also been impressed with your posts. Let's go diving!

Walter, a man who appears confident within himself, was telling Barry, a man who suggest he is not so confident within himself, how to build confidence. His statement suggested that attractive women were required as a vehicle for this process.

Yes, an attractive woman is required. Not a gorgeous woman, not a beautiful woman, not a pretty woman, but an attractive woman. It's a good bet that I will agree with most other men on which women, in most cases, we find beautiful. It's also a good bet we will all disagree on which women we find attractive. Some of the women we find attractive will be ones we think are beautiful and some will not.

It's a good bet that most men are confident talking to their friends, pretty likely they are confident talking to other men they don't know all that well. Most guys are fairly confident talking with women to whom they are not attracted. It is when we talk with women to whom we are attracted that confidence most often disappears. One needs to work on their area of weakness in order to eliminate it as a weakness.

Like many of us (including me), he needs to find value in the person he is inside and then people will naturally find value in him as well.

So true.

take a look at my cute little picture posted as my avatar. Yes, that's what I might look like at a HH. Absolutely not, when it comes to what I looked like at Lake Travis! No makeup, hair in a pony tail, sun-burnt cheeks, dry lips, and a bathing suit that was one-size too small with a pouchy tummy and fat thighs!

You will still be attractive to the right man. We all have faults, I'm positive that your list of desirable traits is much longer than your list of undesirable traits. I'm also sure some of the things you consider unattractive are things I would consider attractive.

OK, now that you've dived with Bill, I demand equal time. Come dive with me in Florida.