141 replies to this topic

[TraceMalin]

I'll make it clear I'm interested, but that's about as far as it goes. Political climate these days have become contrary to guys making the "first move". Too easy for signals to get crossed. Ramifications for mistakes too severe.

I'm with Perrone. I had already detected that climactic change in college. Even if I really wanted to initiate something, I'd pretty much let the girl become frustrated enough to discover the boldness to ask. If it seems like it's time for the first kiss, I'll take it slowly, move in slowly, make sure she's as into wanting to kiss as much as I do and if I detect NTA (nose tilt angle) from her then I'll consider that a green light and kiss her. As for sex, no way. That's entirely in her court.

Trace

[ereediver]

A women who actually wants sex??? Oh thats right some of you are single folk.....

If any man says they know what women want and when they want it there lying. We men are not wired right to figure you gals out. So any help you Ladies give is most appeciated, at least in my book.

[WreckWench]

The hint is that she doesn't make you stop. If she does make you stop, then she isn't ready for anything further. Or, she may just not be interested, but I finally figured out that when she is interested, you will know.

So, the answer is: Eventually I figured out that if we were both hot and bothered, I kept moving until I was told to stop. If she didn't want to stop, then .....

DING!!! DING!!! DING!!! ...

We have a winner!

[PerroneFord]

DING!!! DING!!! DING!!! ...

We have a winner!

We also appear to have a significant number of losers... Oh well boyz.. back to the grog!

[egp]

I'll make it clear I'm interested, but that's about as far as it goes.  Political climate these days have become contrary to guys making the "first move".  Too easy for signals to get crossed.  Ramifications for mistakes too severe.

I'm with Perrone. I had already detected that climactic change in college. Even if I really wanted to initiate something, I'd pretty much let the girl become frustrated enough to discover the boldness to ask.

Yep what they said. During our freshman orientation they made a point of telling us guys that we had to "receive a verbal assent" for every level of intimacy. This formal request / response became a joke among most of the people I knew. (Hey Bob where did Joe and Sue go?.... Oh they went back to her room to play a few rounds of "Mother May I".) I personally found all that serious talking kinda a mood kill so my way to take the initiative is to simply move a girl's hands to a better spot on my body. Nobody is dense enough to miss that kind of hint.

[casematic]

I'll agree with Peronne and Trace - the climate has changed .... although my foot dragging is usually because I am both shy and completely clueless. It used to be a joke that I wouldn't know a come-on if it bit me on the butt. And in retrospect, I think that is probably pretty accurate. I remember one lady asking me if I needed an engraved invitation (guess she got tired of waiting for me to make a move).

[Neptuner]

In answer to your original question Miss Ellen, yes, I would gladly proceed to the next level of intimacy... with caution of course, and always seeking reassurance in the form of verbal and physical response. Of course, I would personally welcome a woman making the first moves as well. How we get there isn't really the important part... the fact that we are there is.

[Latitude Adjustment]

For some strange unexplainable reason women have gotten this idea that men will have sex with any woman given the chance
I for one have left a few opportunities slip away because I didn't see any future in it, our plans didn't match, she wasn't a diver, her husband may come home early or flashbacks of Fatal Attraction.

Edited by Latitude Adjustment, 13 November 2005 - 07:19 PM.

[Neptuner]

For some strange unexplainable reason women have gotten this idea that men will have sex with any woman given the chance

Hey bud, I don't think that's what Ellen was alluding to at all... unless I totally misread her original question. I think she was simply asking whether or not we are comfortable initiating the steps that lead to the next level when that moment presents itself or if society has created such a fearful environment that we simply defer all forward movement to the female's lead. My assumption was that everything about the "relationship" or the pursuit thereof was already kosher and considerations of whether or not we wanted to proceed with this particular individual had already been decided... otherwise the moment wouldn't be presenting itself.

But, I'm with you, there are many of us men who require much more than a simple approval to get involved with someone in the first place.

Edited by Neptuner, 13 November 2005 - 07:26 PM.

[Diverbrian]

The hint is that she doesn't make you stop.  If she does make you stop, then she isn't ready for anything further.  Or, she may just not be interested, but I finally figured out that when she is interested, you will know.

So, the answer is:  Eventually I figured out that if we were both hot and bothered, I kept moving until I was told to stop.  If she didn't want to stop, then .....

DING!!! DING!!! DING!!! ...

We have a winner!

Actually, that defense has been used in criminal trials.

Just because a woman doesn't say "no" doesn't mean that she ever said "yes". That little technicality has been known to send men to prison.

That is beside the point. I am in the "engraved invitation" crowd. Oh, and the engraver had better be reputable as well

[TraceMalin]

Romance Novel View:

"As her eyes became lost in the strength of his piercing gaze, Jessica felt her body weaken into Lance's firm grasp. Shocked at the wild urges stampeding across the plains of reason, she tried to back away, but couldn't. Her desire found her moving toward him as his normally rough hands found a gentle firmness against her skin that spoke truths she could no longer deny; that he was about to claim her forever..."

The Future Real-Life View:

"You don't think I'm pretty," she whined.

"Yes, I do. Honestly," he implored.

"Then why haven't you tried to get me into bed during the entire 18 months that we've been together? Either I'm not attractive to you or you are gay. Afterall, I'm an NFL cheerleader, a model, and a nypmphomaniac!"

"Are you saying you WANT to have sex?" He asked.

"Yes, dammit! Yes! Yes! Yes!" she cried!

"Awesome! I just wanted to make sure, but um.... before we do... would you mind signing this pre-intercourse statement of understanding and waiver, initialing 123 different warnings regarding your physical, emotional, and spiritual health? Also, would you mind making a statement on video that you really do want to have sex with me and watch a 20 minute minute risk awareness video with me? Oh, and could you call your friend Becky to have her join us?"

"Becky! What? Are you a pervert?" she chastised.

"Um, no, it says here that we need at least one witness and my best friend isn't available because he's at his attorney's office trying to settle a dispute with his girlfriend that she was verbally abused when he shouted, 'F**k! during climax."

Note: This isn't meant to mock a woman's right to say, "No," or trivialize any sexual harassment or abuse any woman may have suffered in her past, present or future. I dated a lot and fortunately most every girl I encountered treated me fairly whether good or bad in the course of our relationship. But, I dated one girl who was psycho enough to threaten to claim rape because I dumped her a second time after taking her back and she was angry. The worst problem is that the abuse of the laws put in place to protect women takes away credibility and understanding of serious sexual assault and sexual harrassment when "harrassment" can even be telling a woman her new haircut that she paid $150.00 for looks nice (even just one compliment directed her way) as it is defined where I lifeguard. While lifeguarding we also are no longer allowed to give kids pats on the head or touch them in any comforting way when they are injured and we're treating them because it might be misconstrued as molestation and child abuse. No means no and stop means stop. But, what must stop is a lack of common sense before courtship and mating becomes a clinical affair and no longer fun for either gender.

Trace

[jholley309]

When you're with a woman, and the moment presents itself to get hot and heavy, do you make the first move or wait for her to initiate?

Hmm. I guess that would depend greatly on how long it has been since I had the opportunity to get hot and heavy with a woman...

While I'm not in the "engraved invitation" camp completely, I do tend to wait for the woman to clearly indicate (either verbally or otherwise) that she's "hot to trot". Incidentally, removal of articles of either party's clothing by the other is pretty much a clear starting pistol for me...

I'm kinda like Case there; I'm a tad shy about physical intimacy anyway. Once I figure out I'm not going to get slapped or arrested, it's off to the races, though.

Cheers!

Jim

[obakesan]

A great deal depends on the circumstances but I'd say if we're in a social situation that would be clearly in the dating realm and all the nonverbal cues appeared to be correct then I find I often (but not always ) make the first move in the form of a kiss. Worst case scenario is she turns away and then you have a very clear answer about where things stand. From there a combination of nonverbal and verbal feedback should solve the situation. Certainly it is a different world these days but it seems to me as a guy as long as you pay attention to the signals you are getting it should be solveable.

Of course it is certainly nice when a woman makes the first move or provides clear feedback for me to do so

It just does not happen all that often in my world...

[wtxblaze]

Well in my case.....I have to wait till she makes the first move......cause I'm very shy and It is kind of hard for me to read todays woman. I'm not sure if she is happy with just the makeing out or if she wants to go abit further. As in are last Kiss question some people just like to kiss and it doesn't mean anything to them. and I guess it also has todo with how well you know the person. If i was on a first date and it got hot and heavy I wouldn't push it at all. But if it was someone that I've had been with before I would start trying to push the right buttons again and see what happened.

[WreckWench]

"As her eyes became lost in the strength of his piercing gaze, Jessica felt her body weaken into Lance's firm grasp. Shocked at the wild urges stampeding across the plains of reason, she tried to back away, but couldn't. Her desire found her moving toward him as his normally rough hands found a gentle firmness against her skin that spoke truths she could no longer deny; that he was about to claim her forever..."

I don't know about the rest of you gals but I want Trace to finish this story...I know I'm hooked!