Awesomely stated,,,and I agree... if someone loves me they will understand my fear and timidity of a situation... and just as you feel a pre nup etc etc. is a show of doubt of true commitment to the relationship ( note: I did not say if I agree or disagree) I also feel that a marry me or lose me is an equal statement of I don't think you'll stick around without the paperwork. Oh and by the way... I have a pulse and don't own mace 
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Thank you. I apologize for not replying sooner. In fact I was in the process of composing a reply when this crazy blonde telemarketer called and was trying to sell me a vacation package. Then I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out where my dive log was so I would have it for the trip. Anyway.
If someone loves you, yes, they will understand your fears. If they truly love you, they may even find your fears are what attracts them to you. And yes, as the show of a pre-nup, or any form of "Self protection" or "Insurance" for the future hurts and is a warning sign. Also is the "Marry me or else" thing that too many men and women have going. If it is true love, then those things will not matter. They will not be needed. I believe that a marriage exist with or without a pre-nup, a ring or a certificate (By the way, don't they give out certificates for free stuff when they open a store or have a big sale? Hmmm).
And finally, you have mace and no pulse,
you pass. Err, wait, ah, Oops. I mean you have a pulse and no mace (that's it) you pass.
In reply to all of the statements made in this thread. The statements that not only describe the fears of the authors. But the show the concerns and emotions of those authors. Statements that, if they were penned on paper, would also show a few tear stains as well.
To have so many people voice such deep felt feelings on an open forum such as this brings the grandest of tribute to the people who make up the body of this forum. It shows a gathering of people who posses intelligence, compassion and understanding of depths seldom seen. And, sadly, it is those same traits that have most of us where we are now, asking "Why the hell can't I find someone? Why must I always be alone?"
Very good questions, for which, I offer my viewpoint. Simply put, most of us may be here through our own fault. In as much as we are "passionate" people, we care and care deeply, we understand others, we have all these good qualities and no one to share them with. Here comes the stumble. Being the people we are, we crave having someone to share our life with. Much like I crave having someone to care for and watch over (but she needs to be able to do the same for me as well). It is like a living hell to not have someone to care for. Needless to say my dogs are spoiled rotten.
So how do we remedy this situation? We find someone to share our lives with. Someone to fulfill our need to be compassionate and understanding and loving. There are, in my opinion, 2 major fall backs to this action. The first, and least important of the two, is the simple fact that no every person can take what we give. To them, we care too much, we love too deeply, we forgive (and actually forget). And most people do not know how to react to that. Secondly, in "finding someone to fill our needs" we tend to pick the first person that looks to fill those needs. We don't wait to find the one person who will not only accept what we have to offer, they will return it to us again. To compound the problem, to the people who are not the "right one", we seem to be the dream come true. We are passionate, we are wonderful to be with, we give of ourselves. But then the object of our affections realizes one day, that they really don't know how to deal with us, how to accept what we offer. It is not that these people are afraid of commitment, they are afraid of that much of a commitment. And because the people who are right for us are so few among the masses, we then to "settle" for those who are not the "right one". And in doing so, we end up wondering "Why the hell can't I find someone?"
Everyone tries to figure out what "true love" is. In the ancient Greek, there were 3 words for love. (The spellin may not be correct) Fa-lay-ho, fat-mos, and ah-gah-pae. Fellao referred to the pure sexual aspect of love, in other words, jungle humpin. It was considered the lowest form of love. Fatmos referred to a conditional type of love. I love you because you make me laugh, you bring me flowers, you are good at fellao and so on. I love you because... And although considered a higher form of love, it was conditional. And when the conditions of love were not met, the love was lost. Then there was ageppe. Considered to be the highest form of love. Unconditional, "I love you because! (period)" The recipient seldom deserved this love. It was give no matter what. If I had to answer the question of "what is true love", I'd have to say ageppe. If I had to define ageppe, I'd be up doo doo creek without a fin.
As I look at the concerns and fears of the people here on this board, and people I meet in real life, I notice one common thread. We are all looking for the "right one". We all want to know how to find him or her. And, most of us, want to know how to avoid getting hurt again. (Can I have an "amen"?) Nobody wants to get hurt, at least no one in their right mind. And that is why so many people turn towards a means to "protect" themselves. I can't help but wonder how many times these forms of protection has turned "the right one" away? I am NOT saying that there is no need of pre-nups, and separate accounts, by no means. But I do believe that if you have found the right one, there will little to no need of them. For the right one will never deliberately, or intentionally cause you harm. And the right one, would probably rather die than to hurt you.
With that small bit of knowledge, one can begin to understand why we have such a problem finding the right one. Because we tend to come across as someone that we really aren't. We come across as being afraid to commit. Which we are not. We are afraid of being hurt, and rightly so. I would be amused if it were not so tragic, that people like us, who are normally honest to a fault, put up a front (think about it).
I say that because in my opinion, if you are truly in love with someone, then you won't care about their bank account, or lack of. If it is true love, then there will be no need for protection, guarantees or the like. It is said that "love covers a multitude of sins". And that is true. Each of us will allow our friends to do, or say things to us, that a stranger would not get away with. That guy who almost got his eyes gouged out, had he been the right type of friend may have ended up with nothing more to worry about than having enough air left to make the safety stop.
What does all this rambling mean? I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you are even thinking of some form of "protection" then maybe, you have not found the right one. Keep looking. If you are looking at someone and thinking "I can live with his or her faults" then you are looking at the wrong one. If you meet someone and come to the conclusion "I could live the rest of my life with this one", then again, Keep looking.
It is only when you realize that "I can't live without (his/her) faults", it is only when you say "I can't spend the rest of my life with out them", it is when you find yourself constantly plotting ways to make them smile, that you should stop and take a serous look. And I am sure you will find, should you ever meet someone like that, you will have little thought of needing protection as long as this person feels the same way toward you. Do keep in mind that there is this thing called "unrequited love". You may find someone that you can't live with out. But in order for it to last, they have to fell the same way about you. And believe me, if you find this person, if it is true love, you will have no worry about it ending. For if you have found the right one, they will love you as deeply and eternally as you love them.
I really wish I could tell you how to "find" this type of love. I would make millions! But I can't. All I tell you is what I believe to be some of the indicators. "Well how do I know when I'm in love like this?" Glad you asked that. If you have never been in love like that, how could you possibly know? It is easy. Few of us have had a horse stand on your foot. But should it ever happen, you WILL know. Maybe not a good comparison, as true love does not hurt that much. But once you find yourself in that type of love, there will be no doubt in your mind. So if you are wondering if this is true love, then it probably is not.
To put it into few words, don't marry the first person you can live with, marry the first one you can't live without. Don't settle for someone that you can live with their faults, settle for someone that you can't live without their faults. And most likely, this true love we all seek will steal up from behind and knock you flat on your a, ah, face. And you will love it.
Food for though.
Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist, but I did watch a guy play one on TV. The above statements are my opinion. Nothing give me credentials to give this as advice to be taken as a cure. It is give in the hopes that it may cause you to look at your situation from a slightly different point of view. And maybe, find something to help. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Also, I have been informed that "flaming" is not accepted on the forum, and this is a good thing. Although not allowed, some may feel the desire to still do so. May I suggest that you simply point a hair dryer in my direction and "warm" me. Kind of like boiling your draft card, it makes the point, but not as violent.
Olympic diving is a sport. Scuba diving is an obsession.
