....I have gotten over the Emotional part now by realizing that not all women are lying, cheating,.... But it is really hard to drop tens of thousands of dollars into a common goal, (a ranch), and then be expected to walk away from it with nothing. (I guess thats why I'm paying a lawyer now)!!!
The frustrating part about that is in the end the one who ultimately benefits financially is the lawyer!
I realized that my problem was that I was too trusting and giving without question and the whole time she was covering her a@@....I have learned from my mistakes, so loving, caring relationships.....YES. Marrage......NO!
Being trusting and giving should never be considered a problem; it's a wonderful quality to find in someone. I can only imagine that it would be even more wonderful if two people each having those qualities could share them. Marriage or not, if "he" doesn't have and share those qualities with me, I won't waste a minute of my time on what I would consider an empty relationship.
Just as you've realized that not all women are liars and cheats, maybe someday it will also be apparent we are not all after a man's bank account or property either. Seldom do you hear of the man getting the goldmine and the woman getting the shaft, but I can attest first hand that it happens. It is a two way street. Instead of worrying about covering my a@@, I want to meet a man who will say "I've got your back" and actually mean it; I'd do the same for him. Isn't that what it's all about - looking after and caring for each other?
Regardless of all that, my lessons in life taught me that marriage is a practical thing a couple can do (if they choose) for practical reasons, and at this stage in my life is not necessary for me to be married to realize that I am loved. (My divorces serve as great proof that marriage was only a symbol of something I wanted and didn't actually have to begin with.)
Tony and John, thank you both for your honesty. I appreciate your candid conversation with me the other night. I learned a lot about how I feel and what I really want by listening and thinking about what each of you said. What it boils down to is, regardless of the existence of a piece of paper,
I want to love and be loved...really loved, forever and a day.
Being just beyond a month past the divorce of my first marriage, I can say the following with reasonable certainty:
1. I believe in the institution of marriage. I think it is great to share your life with someone if you find the right person. However, I have no idea how to do this. I thought when I got married that I had found the right person. I even thought, we're different, we're not going to end up part of the divorce statistic...oh well.
2. The reason there is an increase in failed marriages is a matter of social acceptance. Divorce was not that common in my parent's generation except in extreme circumstances (such as physical abuse). Divorce has become easy legally and socially: People don't tend to worry about what others think as much. Divorce used to be taboo and you were somehow "tainted" if you were divorced.
3. People are too selfish these days. Ever heard of the 'me' generation??? People are too worried about their assets and stuff. In my perfect idea of a relationship, each partner should want to make sure the other's needs are met 100%. If each partner is doing this, their own needs will be met ten-fold. However, if each person is looking after their own needs/happiness and only somewhat attending to their partner's needs, they are destined to grow apart.
4. Love is a choice. In the beginning, love is a feeling. Love continues as a feeling throughout the relationship. But it is a choice to continue loving someone. They're going to screw up. You're going to screw up. Learn to forgive and don't make mountains out of molehills. If you're selfish and only looking after your own happiness, it's easy to choose not to love someone.
5. I would get married again. I want to find someone who believes in all of the above. People only care about their assets when facing divorce. I just lost my *ss in my divorce, but I'd share everything as 'ours' again with the right girl. It's other people's horror stories that cause people to be scared.
6. People who say "never again" are scared and hiding. Relationships are a risk, period. There's always a chance you'll lose the other person. You either choose to take the risk or you choose to be alone.
WOW! Clear, concise and to the point. Very well said CC!
Edited by Twinklez, 29 January 2006 - 09:51 PM.
