172 replies to this topic

[ScubaHawk]

Really?!? Where've I been? I usually consider myself quite observant. Say it ain't so, Henry!

Nobody likes sarcastic women (except me, of course)

[blacklatexozdiver]

I wonder if more "nice guys" are as ugly as a hatful of @r$eholes and more "bad boys" look good to the female eye.

[Diverbrian]

The way that I look at it. I have a better chance of being a nice guy with no hopes of anything beyond friendship. Then, as Walter points out, the ladies don't see a courting act. They see the real me from day one that way. If things happen beyond friendship later, then we both have a bonus plan. This is why you no longer see my profile on dating services, nor do I try to win anyone. I have that shirt and it didn't work for me. I simply got tire marks on my back. Meanwhile, I have perfectly happy female friends who haven't dated for years. I have tried to learn from what they did right.

Yes, nice guys have a good chance. They are the nice guys whose minds don't work like calculators (These nice guys are into humor and charm more than numbers and facts.), who have a great sense of humor, and in spite of talking a lot, don't stay in a shell. I like to consider myself a nice guy, but I am sure that many people could accurately point my more selfish traits. The thought process that I have gravitated to is that if you aren't centered and self-sufficient, then you can't expect to be able to help out in the needs of others.

But, keep in mind, if I knew much about these matters, I would be happily married with one to four children by now. I am single, living with my brother and pets. So, any advice that I would have to give is diluted by that fact.

Meanwhile, does anyone want to negoiate the purchase of my car in the next couple of months. I am not enough of an SOB to get every last penny out of the salesman like I should be.

[sandiegocarol]

HMMM...a really nice guy can't figure out why he hasn't found the woman he is looking for? maybe he should examine his criteria???

You mean "perfection"? No, the thing is that I think really nice guys just don't get noticed. While I am watching all the "bad boys" performing their routines for women, the pickup lines, the money flashing, the loud talk, etc., I am in the background, not wanting to join what I see as so much bulls***. Because there is so much noise up front, I don't get noticed.

I'm speaking "real-life" as well as metaphorically. In society, so much talk about men centers around the "bad boys". I'm a school teacher, and I have to notice that sometimes I spend so much time on my discipline kids that the good students get a little left out, whereas they are the ones who really want to learn. I think it's the same scenario with "nice guys".

Don't get me wrong...I'm not "prissy" by any means...I like my fun. I'll drink beer and enjoy a barbeque and football game. I play on sports leagues, ride a motorcycle, do active things (like dive), and, by the way, I also like to cook and (don't make me have to come over there) I like shopping. But I won't be a jerk to women. I try not to be a jerk to anybody, like DrBill says, male or female.

I don't know, maybe I just don't see the signals very well. Haha...that very well could be it.

Doug

Bars are a lousy place to find a nice woman to go out with. You admit that you hold back and let the "bad boys" go for the women. What makes you think the women are really interested in them? I do happy hours with friends but I never expect to find a man there. I think you're looking for love in all the wrong places and you may be right about the Lancaster thang.....

[Travelnsj]

Now what is that thing i have heard......Girls like to flirt and date Bad Boys....but they do not marry or introduce them to the parents...unless....then they end up divorced...or if the "unless" never happens ....Thus they are still single!

[jt0001]

I might have a little input here having survived 2 divorces and half century of living . I am one of those nice guys that got hung up in a few bad relationships. I took a course in dating and how to conduct your self to win the favor women. Although much of what I learned was nonsense except just being yourself is really enough. If you like football (I don’t) then like football, if you like fast cars and the smell of gasoline (I do) so be it. Nice guys get into so much trouble when the purposefully try to act nice. Many women see the act as a sigh of being a doormat. If you don’t have enough respect for yourself to represent yourself as you truly are then you are inviting someone to come into your life and stab your little heart . Most people can (or should) be able to tell if someone is genuinely acting how they are or if they are just trying to please. I’ll promise you if you are trying to please someone else at your own expense it will end in disaster. Be who you are and like what you like first and then see if that fits in with someone else’s life.

[sandiegocarol]

Now what is that thing i have heard......Girls like to flirt and date Bad Boys....but they do not marry or introduce them to the parents...unless....then they end up divorced...or if the "unless" never happens ....Thus they are still single!

huh? girls just wanna have fu-un but with a buncha crazed diving maniacs sounds good to me

[Walter]

Jon, excellent points. Another point, be decisive. "I don't know, where do you wanna go?" is a big turn off.

[drbill]

Jon, excellent points. Another point, be decisive. "I don't know, where do you wanna go?" is a big turn off.

Walter... strangely in these days of "liberation," "are you paying?" also seems to be a big turn off!

[finley]

Jon, excellent points. Another point, be decisive. "I don't know, where do you wanna go?" is a big turn off.

now Walter...sometimes I don't know..or don;t care...for ex. Where do you want to eat? I don't know ( hadn't thought about it) where do you want to go??? That is a true question...not a game I am usually up for anything except sushi...and if thats what your craving...they usually have a salad sans the raw fish....I thimk men don't thimk Im serious when I say Im pretty easy to please...

Edited by finley, 01 February 2006 - 07:02 AM.

[Brinybay]

huh? girls just wanna have fu-un...

You spelled "funds" wrong...

[Walter]

Jon, excellent points. Another point, be decisive. "I don't know, where do you wanna go?" is a big turn off.

now Walter...sometimes I don't know..or don;t care...for ex. Where do you want to eat? I don't know ( hadn't thought about it) where do you want to go??? That is a true question...not a game I am usually up for anything except sushi...and if thats what your craving...they usually have a salad sans the raw fish....I thimk men don't thimk Im serious when I say Im pretty easy to please...

Unless you're interested in women, it's a moot point.

Walter... strangely in these days of "liberation," "are you paying?" also seems to be a big turn off!

Nothing strange about that. It makes you look cheap. Being cheap is also a turn off. This is the biggest area of confusion - who pays? It used to be simple, the man always paid. Now, it's generally assumed the person who issued the invitation pays. Unfortunately, this is not universal, so it can get tricky. If I invited her, I assume I'm paying. If she invited me, it gets tricky, I assume nothing unless she makes it clear when she invited me that it's her treat. If it's not clear, when the bill arrives I ignore it for a moment and continue chatting. After a short I pause reach for the bill and pay it. If she objects, I don't argue.

[drbill]

Walter... strangely in these days of "liberation," "are you paying?" also seems to be a big turn off!

Nothing strange about that. It makes you look cheap. Being cheap is also a turn off. This is the biggest area of confusion - who pays? It used to be simple, the man always paid. Now, it's generally assumed the person who issued the invitation pays. Unfortunately, this is not universal, so it can get tricky. If I invited her, I assume I'm paying. If she invited me, it gets tricky, I assume nothing unless she makes it clear when she invited me that it's her treat. If it's not clear, when the bill arrives I ignore it for a moment and continue chatting. After a short I pause reach for the bill and pay it. If she objects, I don't argue.

Walter, ahem... this is Dr. Bill here. Remember, the guy who likes to toss out some humor? Not intended as an entirely serious post, my friend.

However, I'll get serious about it for a minute. I'm looking for a partner in my life, someone who is also intelligent and independent, but wants to spend time with me on that basis. I'm not looking to be a provider (I don't stick to the old stereotypes I grew up with). If the lady is equally capable financially, yet thinks it would be cheap of me to "expect" her to pay for something we both enjoyed, she's not what I'm lookin for.

I do believe, as you suggest, the best way of approaching this is that the one who does the inviting pays. I had a wonderful LTR based on that principle. Sarah and I would come up with wild new ideas of things to do together and the one who did the planning and inviting paid, unless it was a high ticket event where we would share expenses.

We were both on fairly equal financial footing. If my potential partner is not, that introduces a different variable into the equation. Of course the things I do with a partner on a date don't have to involve much expense... I'm there to enjoy being with her, not to boost the economy. I hope that is also why she is with me.

If it is "cheap" to expect independence in an era supposedly liberated, I'll happily remain single. I've had enough of the ladies who expected me to take them everywhere, wine them, dine them, buy them clothing, etc... and then have a splitting headache that night (just teasing about that part, ladies). Am I bitter about that? No. The "relationships" in those cases didn't last long enough to be bitter over (or be called relationships for that matter). The ones that did last, and were good LTR's, involved partners who are still friends to this day.

Now when I win the lottery, or discover that buried treasure, or my next DVD is made into a Hollywierd movie, I'll be in a position to think a little differently about the financial side of things... but I'll still want an equal partner in the other aspects of the relationship.

Wow... that coffee took effect early!

[Walter]

Also, keep in mind, the traditional date isn't necessary. Instead, don't ask someone out on a date. Tell them what you are going to do. Invite them along, but go do it either with them or alone. It's not as expensive, it's more fun and if she doesn't go, you still have fun.

[drbill]

Also, keep in mind, the traditional date isn't necessary. Instead, don't ask someone out on a date. Tell them what you are going to do. Invite them along, but go do it either with them or alone. It's not as expensive, it's more fun and if she doesn't go, you still have fun.

"Most" southern California women want to be wined and dined... or they whine themselves. I enjoy it too when my income permits, but now I'd rather buy a new pony bottle than take someone out to an expensive dinner. The former lasts a lot longer and may save my life! The other could ruin it! Just teasing ladies.... not referring to the lovelies on SD!