172 replies to this topic

[annasea]

. . . I'd rather buy a new pony bottle than take someone out to an expensive dinner. Just teasing ladies.... not referring to the lovelies on SD!

Ahem...

Wasn't that a pony bottle you were waiting for to be delivered? And wasn't I the one who paid for dinner?

[Twinklez]

Also, keep in mind, the traditional date isn't necessary. Instead, don't ask someone out on a date. Tell them what you are going to do. Invite them along, but go do it either with them or alone. It's not as expensive, it's more fun and if she doesn't go, you still have fun.

"Most" southern California women want to be wined and dined... or they whine themselves. I enjoy it too when my income permits, but now I'd rather buy a new pony bottle than take someone out to an expensive dinner. The former lasts a lot longer and may save my life! The other could ruin it! Just teasing ladies.... not referring to the lovelies on SD!

I may live in Texas, but I am a California girl. I could probably count the number of traditional dates I've had on my fingers. What does that say about men in California? I mean...I've only been in Texas five years. Not saying I wouldn't mind being wined and dined, it would be nice; but I do understand why the women in California whine about it.

Since being single this time I can only think of one actual date and all he wanted to do is get back to his place after the movie. ("You know, I have to be up early in the morning; how 'bout you just take me home.") For that reason, I love SD Happy Hours!!!

Really, I lean toward what Walter said. If I'm doing something and someone wants to come along, great I'd love the company; if not I'm gonna go anyway and have a really great time.

Edited by Twinklez, 01 February 2006 - 03:35 PM.

[drbill]

. . . I'd rather buy a new pony bottle than take someone out to an expensive dinner. Just teasing ladies.... not referring to the lovelies on SD!

Ahem...

Wasn't that a pony bottle you were waiting for to be delivered? And wasn't I the one who paid for dinner?

Ah, but Caetllonn... you were not my date (much as I tried!). The pony bottle arrived, and dinner with you was great. But I did cook my infamous Thai green curry with frozen veggies... and you survived! And I would have barbqued the filet if you ate meat, or put the turkey in the oven (if I didn't have to compete with you for the white meat).

Edited by drbill, 01 February 2006 - 03:36 PM.

[Taniwha]

I think most single, non-a**hole men over 30 realize we'll never be attractive enough, wealthy enough, confident enough, or secure enough to meet and marry someone like minded.

So we can either change our behavior, change our appearance, work like dogs to aquire money, fake our confidence, etc. to try to meet the woman of our dreams, or we can resign ourselves to being who we are, and being alone while women talk about trying to meet men like us, yet consistently choosing men nothing like us.

It's the biggest ruse in the world.

OUCH! Perrone! So cynical... are you sure you're not from SoCal? ()

Seriously, I don't think it's as simple or as general as you make it out to be. There are many women, myself included, that can say the exact same thing about ourselves... not enough *this* or too much of *that*... I know I'm *worthy*, so why am I single? (Personal choice aside.)

I think once/if you do find that *somebody*, even if it's more than once and even if it doesn't last, all those *nobodies* will fall away, and your faith in relationships and finding that *somebody* again will be restored. (Sorry if it sounds too Pollyannaish -- I've had a rather sad day.) At least this is what I'm hoping for!

I have been that cynical many times...Perrone, I know exactly how you feel. For what it's worth, I think that sometimes the cynicism helps remind us/me that we/I need to be careful and not jump at the first woman who rears her beautiful head. So the cynicism is not necessarily a bad thing, unless one gets "frozen" in it.

Annasea, I know you are right, there are women who feel the same way. Now, if there's was only some way the "worthy" gals and the "worthy" guys could meet up easily, this would be a perfect world.

And, yes, as someone said, I do have a tendency to look for love in all the wrong places. But where do you look? Where are the "right" places? That is one reason I'm here at SD. I'm hoping this will be one of the "right" places.

Walter, I know you are also right (there are so many right answers). I do try to relax and have fun. Confidence is something that comes and goes. Most of the time, I'm so confident that you have to scrape it off the walls after I walk by...in my classroom, meeting parents, just meeting people in public. However, sometimes, especially when I see a beautiful woman that I would really like to date, or at least get to know, I go into some long-forgotten junior high school mode where the boys all stand together at one side of the dance floor, and the girls stand at the other. This is my curse of shyness kicking in at exactly the wrong moment. When I was a kid, everything I said seemed to be wrong, and I remember that only too well. (I did get my share of girls, finally, because I was a musician, and the girls all came to me, but that's a whole phony sort-of sideshow that doesn't exist in the "real" world.)

Now, I'm happy with myself and with being alone with myself. I think I'm a pretty decent guy. I would like to think I could be patient and confident, and a woman will eventually notice that I'm a nice guy, and we could ride off into the sunset together. In the meantime, though, I am doing some fun and great things, and I would prefer sharing those moments with a special woman and reminisce about them together.

For now, I guess I'll just do fun and great things and enjoy them for what they are.

Cheers,
Doug

[finley]

wow...funny how all the men I meet...Im not this or Im not that...and the FAMOUS...I just don't feel that romantic spark..and Im talking first date...where I haven't even thought about "criteria" because we're jsut looking at joint interests and adventures..but even at that moment..I have not measured up.....that is why I am just out of the game...too much head trauma for me....

[Walter]

I do try to relax and have fun. Confidence is something that comes and goes. Most of the time, I'm so confident that you have to scrape it off the walls after I walk by...in my classroom, meeting parents, just meeting people in public. However, sometimes, especially when I see a beautiful woman that I would really like to date, or at least get to know, I go into some long-forgotten junior high school mode where the boys all stand together at one side of the dance floor, and the girls stand at the other. This is my curse of shyness kicking in at exactly the wrong moment. When I was a kid, everything I said seemed to be wrong, and I remember that only too well.

Back off. Time to reprogram you, buddy. You are confident. You deal with situations every day that make many "confident" people weak in the knees. You are a teacher, that equates to public speaking, something that more people fear than death. You are not shy. You used to be shy (so did I), you are not shy any longer, you beat it long ago.

What is different when you see a beautiful woman? What about a beautiful woman changes you? Are you always lacking in confidence around beautiful women? I'm sure some of the parents of your students are beautiful women, do you lose confidence around them? What about beautiful women who are married to your friends? You likely do not lose your confidence in those situations.

What is different when you lose your confidence? My guess is you are different. Women are women, they are all alike and they are all different. Appearance is probably the least important and least interesting thing about a woman. Why does it change you? What about you chances that drops your confidence? I suspect it's your goal. You meet an interesting woman who does not spark with you romantically. You'll chat, you'll tease her, you'll relax and have fun. When you meet a woman (beautiful or not) who interests you romantically and you have a different goal. You aren't interested in chatting. You aren't interested in laughing. You are interested in making her attracted to you. The problem is, you don't know how. Since you are now attempting something you don't understand, you have no confidence in your ability to meet your goal. Most guys with this goal bend over backwards to please her and come across as a wimp. Wimps aren't attractive to women. You aren't a wimp, don't pretend to be one when you're attracted to a woman. Be yourself - confident, funny, strong.

What can you do about it? Simple - change your goal. Do not do things to make women attracted to you. You don't know how to do it, so stop trying, you're only hurting yourself. STOP! Never, ever as long as you live ever try to make a woman feel attraction to you. What do you do instead? Simple, be yourself. Imagine her with an unattractive feature and treat her as you would anyone else you meet. Chat with her. Tease her. Relax and enjoy yourself. I know it's difficult to break old very bad habits, but you have to do it. You need to train yourself to not care if she's attracted to you. Once you reach that stage, something amazing will happen. A woman who once would have triggered your lack of confidence mode will be attracted to you. When that happens, promise me you won't go into wimp mode. Keep doing the things you were doing that let her see the real you.

Now, I'm happy with myself and with being alone with myself. I think I'm a pretty decent guy. I would like to think I could be patient and confident, and a woman will eventually notice that I'm a nice guy, and we could ride off into the sunset together. In the meantime, though, I am doing some fun and great things, and I would prefer sharing those moments with a special woman and reminisce about them together.

For now, I guess I'll just do fun and great things and enjoy them for what they are.

Cheers,
Doug

I'm sure you're a great person, you can have your dream. Good luck, Doug. Let's go diving and invite some nice ladies to come along.

[sandiegocarol]

huh? girls just wanna have fu-un...

You spelled "funds" wrong...

I got my own funs baby but I liked your comments

[PerroneFord]

I like it...

"Walter's Guide to Gettin' Chics in Three Easy Steps"

On sale now at major booksellers...

[finley]

[quote name='Walter' date='Feb 1 2006, 09:38 PM' post='127276']
[quote name='Taniwha' post='127238' date='Feb 1 2006, 07:25 PM']I However, sometimes, especially when I see a beautiful woman that I would really like to date, or at least get to know, I go into some long-forgotten junior high school mode where the boys all stand together at one side of the dance floor, and the girls stand at the other. well. [/quote]


[/Maybe thats the problem...your choosing women based on looks and are disappointed when they're not the personal;ity you like....your limiting your choices.

[drbill]

I may live in Texas, but I am a California girl. I could probably count the number of traditional dates I've had on my fingers. What does that say about men in California? I mean...I've only been in Texas five years. Not saying I wouldn't mind being wined and dined, it would be nice; but I do understand why the women in California whine about it.

Tina, you are right... it is more the "culture" here than a specific gender. I find southern California very superficial, although of course there are enough people living here that many interesting ones will surface if you look for them.

I just got tired of women who expected so much and yet contributed little to a "relationship" (or "partnership" as I prefer). The fact that I have many wonderful women friends, some of whom are native Californians... and (gulp) even natural blondes, is a good counter example showing there are plenty of fine people of the female persuasion out there.

Being a midwesterner during my upbringing, I found southern California to be superficial beginning in my early days out here (late 60's). It has gotten more materialistic since that era, so it is a lethal combination for dating IMHO.

[Brinybay]

... However, sometimes, especially when I see a beautiful woman that I would really like to date, or at least get to know, I go into some long-forgotten junior high school mode where the boys all stand together at one side of the dance floor, and the girls stand at the other.
...
Cheers,
Doug

Hey, the solution is simple. If beautiful women scare you, do the same as you do with the ugly ones, just put a sack over their head!

[PerroneFord]

Hey, the solution is simple. If beautiful women scare you, do the same as you do with the ugly ones, just put a sack over their head!

As I was once told... "They all look the same in the dark" (Fortunately, the same applies to me, otherwise I'd get no dates at all.)

Man, this is going downhill rapidly.

[Taniwha]

Wow, this has gotten a bit embarassing and personal...I didn't think I would get this kind of response, as my original post was sort of a rant about why "nice guys" can't get the attention that the "bad boys" get.

That being said, I deeply appreciate all the comments, even the "too much drama" and "bag on the head" funny ones.

When I meet an attractive parent, I just smile and talk to her about her kid's grades. I dunno, it's just easy then. Maybe it's because I consider her "ethically off-limits".

I didn't really mean this thread to center around me, though; I wanted to foster a discussion that's pretty topical to singles. Especially divers, I think, as the vast majority of the male divers I've met are "nice guys"...very cool and really a different breed. Don't know why I differentiated, though, because actually, that goes for the female divers I've met also.

Walter...next time I'm out your way...the dive and invite sounds good...I promise, no "wimp" mode!
(I am thinking about a dive trip to the Keys in middle-to-late March. Kamala's helping me out with the hotel and dive arrangements.)

Cheers,
Doug

Edited by Taniwha, 03 February 2006 - 01:23 AM.

[annasea]

As I was once told... "They all look the same in the dark" (Fortunately, the same applies to me, otherwise I'd get no dates at all.)

Man, this is going downhill rapidly.

Assuming your comment was based solely on appearances, please allow me to stroke your ego for a brief moment... ()

My dear Perrone... . Having never spent any time with you, I can't comment on your personality, but physically... ! You are an extremely handsome man!

[jholley309]

I just got tired of women who expected so much and yet contributed little to a "relationship" (or "partnership" as I prefer).

'Way down here in Jawja, we call them golddiggers...



Cheers!

Jim