106 replies to this topic

[cmt489]

I feel bad for many men, because it was not a world they were introduced to, and they would feel as lost in a conversation about Dooney or Prada, as a woman would in a conversation about Bear Bryant.

I would encourage men to try to spend some time finding the beauty in things. And I would likewise encourage women to get some dirt under their nails from time to time. The balance each brings to life is wonderfully liberating.

This is so true! Neither sex should ignore the interests of the other and, quite frankly, when you participate in something you quite often learn to enjoy it. My ex-husband used to take great pleasure out of the fact (and brag to his friends about it) that I am a huge hockey fan and that he could name a city and I could provide the name of the football team, I knew golf standings and could talk about baseball and would attend games with him. The hockey fan part came naturally to me - I was raised watching it and love it. The other sports, however, I had no independent interest in but I figured if they were going to take up so much of his time (not to mention our television time) it would be much more interesting and fun if I actually got to know something about those sports so that I could participate in the whole thing.

He, on the other hand, refused to help with decorating or give input on anything that was important to me. The time he participated in these events was to exercise the power of veto - i.e. I don't want that (normally because he wanted to spend money elsewhere such as going out to bars or going golfing). He took absolutely no interest in the things that I enjoyed.

[finGrabber]

it sounds like you were married to a very selfish man

[cmt489]

it sounds like you were married to a very selfish man

You are spot on. You can't even imagine how selfish he was...

[finGrabber]

it sounds like you were married to a very selfish man

You are spot on. You can't even imagine how selfish he was...

unfortunately, I can...I just didn't marry him

all day Sunday's into Sunday night and Monday night too...all football, but he wouldn't walk around the park with me (I'll miss the game!)

and then the Dallas Stars (which I really like watching!) sometimes baseball, sometimes boxing

I have found that I have alot more freetime now!

[Boatlawyer]

Boy, I thought I was lucky until I read this thread... now I KNOW how lucky I am!

My semi-new Brooklyn-born Italian-American boyfriend grew up with four, count em, four, sisters. When he plans our dates (gotta love a man with a plan), he always includes the dress code and lets me know what he will be wearing, so I can coordinate. I hate to admit, but he is a better cook than I am, even though we still have Dueling Dago nights in the kitchen. He not only goes to chick flicks with me, sometimes he even chooses them! He will hang curtains with me and give his opinion on just about everything.

Still, he loves his poker and golf, and, ack, the occasional cigar. He even claims to want to learn to dive... that would be perfect! In the meantime, he's half girl/half Guido, who could ask for more!

Moose, why didn't you just tell your girlfriend you liked the large bowls? That is such a practical suggestion. Despite my b/f's great attributes, he doesn't always have the best vision when it comes to colors and patterns. If it gets to the point where we are looking at that sort of thing, I would certainly want his input on the practical end, which he is great at, then it would be my job to incorporate that into the choice. Personally, I like to combine form and function. For example, I like heavy cutlery that feels substantial, and usually with rounded handles that don't poke into your hands. That limits me to certain designs, but like Perrone, I'm a minimalist, so not too concerned about ornate patterns.

P.S. Perrone, you get extra points if you know what a "shrug" is.

Edited by Boatlawyer, 15 January 2007 - 01:59 PM.

[jimmy dave]

A man that can cook...??? What happened to the woman of generation X. Maybe it's just my luck, but I haven't dated a woman that can cook for years. Their motto seems to be, if it doesn't come in a can or box....

A guy's gotta feed him self and take out gets old after a while.

[jextract]

It would be so nice to go out, and have the man I'm with just simply put on the right clothes without having to tell him what to wear like he was a 6 year old.

One word, Sandy: Garanimals.

[annasea]

It would be so nice to go out, and have the man I'm with just simply put on the right clothes without having to tell him what to wear like he was a 6 year old.

One word, Sandy: Garanimals.

[jextract]

...My ex-husband used to take great pleasure out of the fact (and brag to his friends about it) that I am a huge hockey fan and that he could name a city and I could provide the name of the football team, I knew golf standings and could talk about baseball and would attend games with him. The hockey fan part came naturally to me - I was raised watching it and love it. The other sports, however, I had no independent interest in but I figured if they were going to take up so much of his time (not to mention our television time) it would be much more interesting and fun if I actually got to know something about those sports so that I could participate in the whole thing. ...

One of the great things about my wife is that she loves football as much or more than I do. Plus, it's nice watching the game with someone who understands the function of the passing tree (and knows which side's odd and which side's even) and can recognize man-to-man and zone defenses!

[Twinklez]

Of course, it is been my experience that the real deal-breaker between men and women when it comes to decorating is not the duvet/shams/pillow issue, but the fuzzy toilet seat cover. Men are just so afraid that fuzzy lid will cause that lid to come crashing down on their delicate, prized parts! Hence, to make those of the male persuasion feel safe in my bathrooms, I decided to keep my bathrooms fuzzy-toilet-seat-cover-free.

As the mother of three young men, I learned early on that the fuzzy toilet seat cover had to go even if it did match the rugs. Besides, I always hated that it tended to get a bit stained at the hing of the seat. YUK!

Moose, why didn't you just tell your girlfriend you liked the large bowls? That is such a practical suggestion.

I believe his post said that he did tell her and her reply indicated that the size of the bowl wasn't her concern; it was the color and pattern. Apparently she wasn't practical as much as she was concerned with appearance.

I would certainly want his input on the practical end, which he is great at, then it would be my job to incorporate that into the choice.

Ever wonder what it would be like if the tables were turned? Who's to say what's your job and what's his? Maybe there's a guy out there who has always had an idea of what his dream home would be like and you come into his life, then it might be him allowing you the opportunity to provide input and choosing whether or not to incorporate and how. My first husband had wonderful creative talents. We both loved antiques. There is no doubt in my mind that he did a much better job of decorating than I. I chose paint and wallpaper; sometimes fabric. He chose the "decorations" and how to display them. I was always delighted with his choices and he with mine. Almost 20 years after a horrible divorce, that part of us is still very much in tune.

Personally, I like to combine form and function. ... I'm a minimalist, so not too concerned about ornate patterns.

I don't let my functional needs limit the look I like whether simple or ornate. I choose the things I like and make use of them in one way or another, even if it's simply to add a smile to my day. Few things "match" in my home. If I like it, then it's "me" and that's all that matters. If the item is something that requires sturdiness and common sense, then that's how I choose it.

Regardless of anything else, I'm happy at my home; that is what is important to me.

Edited by Twinklez, 15 January 2007 - 03:01 PM.

[dustbowl diver]

Hockey!!

Did somebody say hockey??

Dallas Stars game on the radio now-3 PM CST-wish I were there!!!!!

[WreckWench]

Great thread and so insightful!!

Several people have said it or alluded to it...if you find a companion with shared interests...especially scuba since its so easy to relate too...it makes many other things easier especially decorating!

For example, if discussing a laundry room decor (since the original thread was on whether men have taste or whether it really matters) if both parties are say divers then no discussion is complete without plans for gear drying racks and gear storage. Have this same discussion with my mother and it would be entirely different. Her laundry room is color coordinated and extremely functional but also very attractive for a laundry room!

If redecorating a bathroom and it must be multi-functional both serving guests, perhaps a pet bath or two and of course drying dive gear if you don't have a laundry room or special dive gear area...then trying to explain why drysuits and wetsuits have to hang in that bathroom after a dive trip is not an issue. Nor is finding a suitable decor that is functional, perhaps nautical in nature and certainly minimalist since you need the maximum room for gear without messing anything up. (After all the bathroom does serve as a guest bath as well!)

And everyone is different. If I were choosing a china pattern and I wanted my SO's opinion I would most likely say...do you have a preference between one of these two patterns or if not, is there one you just can't live with? Sometimes asking if they hate one vs if they like one will get you a better answer. And lets be practical...if the only difference is color then there is really no difference at all. A truely difficult decision of a guy would be to choose between some dainty or frilly pattern or some glaring color pattern that he really didn't like.

So yes...getting opinions on things is nice...however if my SO says honey I really don't care just pick the one you like...well the rest is easy. If he says, they are both fine with me if one is less expensive than the other that would be my choice. Then you have good feedback. Or if he says honey what color wing should I get? The answer is simple...anything but the same color I have !

[Moose]

Another example: My son is comparing two different pieces of hunting equipment in a catalog, and he shows me the two pieces and describes to me all the pros and cons of each one. I know absolutely nothing about the things he is showing me, and I couldn't care less. However, I ask him questions about each one to try to help him make the decision that he will be happy with.

Ok, you see here, the difference is that it’s a choice of practical matter. The plates literally were the same pattern (as far as I could tell.)

Are you saying that you have absolutely no decorative items in your home because they have no purpose? I personally think that decorative items have a very important purpose. They bring us enjoyment. If all our walls and shelfs were bare, it would be a pretty boring place to exist.

No, I’m saying that the stuff in my house is not *just* decorative. It’s something that is meaningful to me from my past. On my mantle over one of the fireplaces, this is what I have…
Harley Davidson gas tank off one of the bikes I crashed, a picture that I took and had framed of a wild pony on the beach of Assatenque Island, and the remands of my two dogs with 8X10 portraits of them. Not just “random” items found in a store.

On my walls are all photos I’ve taken. (I do have one copy of the Declaration of Independence that’s is pretty cool.) I have candles and such around the place. But my point is I don’t understand something that has no connection to you. (My example was a 6” statue of a little boy.)

Maybe you can explain this one to me....Some men (not all men, I do not mean to generalize) do not know how to dress properly for a given occasion. I don't know how many times I have had to tell a grown man how to get dressed for an occasion.

Some guys don’t like to dress up. I’m lucky there, as I have my military uniform that I can ware to any sort of formal affair. Here is an example…
http://www.megageek....70?OpenDocument

(not the best pick of me.)

[Moose]

For example, if discussing a laundry room decor (since the original thread was on whether men have taste or whether it really matters) if both parties are say divers then no discussion is complete without plans for gear drying racks and gear storage. Have this same discussion with my mother and it would be entirely different. Her laundry room is color coordinated and extremely functional but also very attractive for a laundry room!

What you guys didn't build a custom rack?
Here are some pics of mine. Works great. Note, it's not color coordinated.

http://www.megageek....8c?OpenDocument

and

http://www.megageek....13?OpenDocument

and

http://www.megageek....31?OpenDocument

Note, I've since added casters to the bottom of it. Works great!

[Boatlawyer]

Of course, it is been my experience that the real deal-breaker between men and women when it comes to decorating is not the duvet/shams/pillow issue, but the fuzzy toilet seat cover. Men are just so afraid that fuzzy lid will cause that lid to come crashing down on their delicate, prized parts! Hence, to make those of the male persuasion feel safe in my bathrooms, I decided to keep my bathrooms fuzzy-toilet-seat-cover-free.

As the mother of three young men, I learned early on that the fuzzy toilet seat cover had to go even if it did match the rugs. Besides, I always hated that it tended to get a bit stained at the hing of the seat. YUK!

Moose, why didn't you just tell your girlfriend you liked the large bowls? That is such a practical suggestion.

I believe his post said that he did tell her and her reply indicated that the size of the bowl wasn't her concern; it was the color and pattern. Apparently she wasn't practical as much as she was concerned with appearance.

I would certainly want his input on the practical end, which he is great at, then it would be my job to incorporate that into the choice.

Ever wonder what it would be like if the tables were turned? Who's to say what's your job and what's his? Maybe there's a guy out there who has always had an idea of what his dream home would be like and you come into his life, then it might be him allowing you the opportunity to provide input and choosing whether or not to incorporate and how. My first husband had wonderful creative talents. We both loved antiques. There is no doubt in my mind that he did a much better job of decorating than I. I chose paint and wallpaper; sometimes fabric. He chose the "decorations" and how to display them. I was always delighted with his choices and he with mine. Almost 20 years after a horrible divorce, that part of us is still very much in tune.

Personally, I like to combine form and function. ... I'm a minimalist, so not too concerned about ornate patterns.

I don't let my functional needs limit the look I like whether simple or ornate. I choose the things I like and make use of them in one way or another, even if it's simply to add a smile to my day. Few things "match" in my home. If I like it, then it's "me" and that's all that matters. If the item is something that requires sturdiness and common sense, then that's how I choose it.

Regardless of anything else, I'm happy at my home; that is what is important to me.

Yea, Moose did say he wanted the large bowls! Anyway, point was that if two people are involved in a choice then one's practical concerns should be incorporated into the design choice.

As for the implication that the statement "my job" was some kind of chauvinistic gender assignment, that was not the case at all. It is simply that this particular boyfriend is a little design-challenged, which is really surprising to me since he is otherwise super-intuitive, sensitive, critical thinking and enjoys nice things. I am just better at putting together a "look." Viva la difference!