197 replies to this topic

[Latitude Adjustment]

Number 5 isn't always true, there is atleast one woman on this board who looks better than her "glamor shot"! And no I'm smart enough not to name names!

[jextract]

My dates from hell:
+ I have met far too many in person who look nothing like their pictures. I always tell them (usually in a very loud voice so as to call attention to them) that they are dishonest and they look nothing like what they claim.
+ I went out on a date with a woman who told me on the date that she "technically" wasn't single, but she was available. Her husband was in prison for illegal possession of a firearm.
+ I went out with a woman who told me she was a management consultant, lived in Long Beach CA, and had never been married. We met and it turned out that she lived in Portland OR, was married with three kids, had a friend who lived in Long Beach where she could visit to get a little action on the side.

The capper, though, was the psycho. I met her and she seemed normal enough, and we went out quite a few times. She was from Toronto, but happened to be out visiting her cousin. One of those little red flags that I ignored was when we were talking about our families and she said in passing that her mother had died in a mental institution (I know, I know...). Our relationship got more and more toxic and the fighting got worse and worse and she would do things like go through my things in my place and throw out things she didn't think I should have, went through my PDA and called my friends and ex-girlfriends and told them to stay away from me, broke into my email and sent out messages under my name to the same effect. Deleted all my contacts (personal and business) so that I wouldn't have any way to contact these people, etc. And she wouldn't leave me alone - I knew it was getting serious when to my otherwise logical brain it seemed like giving her the Scott Peterson treatment was becoming the only available option. I finally succeeded in getting her to go back to Canada, but before she left she stole my calling card and when she got there was calling me 75-100 times a day. I didn't even know she had my card until the phone company called me asking why I had run up $1700 in one month! She called me at work, even called my boss because I wouldn't take her calls ... I finally had to quit and find another job. Finally I called both the Toronto and Los Angeles Police Departments and started the process of getting a restraining order before things started to settle down. And oddly enough, every few months I still get an email from her, which I forward on to the abuse departments of everyone on the header as a violation of their terms of service.

[jextract]

Too funny...while not accurate EVERY time and I know people will groan and complain about how unfair these sound...remember this is a screening tool for trying to weed or is that 'wade' through hundreds of possible matches. And while I think some are a bit harsh...all in all...they are probably on the money.

I might also add....when a guy PUSHES YOU REALLY HARD to meet...just don't waste your time. The only guy who REALLY REALLY REALLY pushed me hard to meet not only double dipped (had two appts lined up for the same night without telling me) and he was 'years younger then his picture' and ended up talking about the last girl that went to the restroom on him and never returned.

Now there's a tempting idea! 

Like you said, it's just a screening mechanism. There is no way that any method will not screen out someone we shouldn't or pass through someone we shouldn't, but for large populations it works remarkably well. I know I violated the Guys' Code by letting the ladies see how we evaluate profiles, but I thought you might find it interesting. Just about every guy that I talk to about this has a similar mechanism, with more or less the same criteria. These profiles are really just sales pitches ... ladies, do yourself right and make us notice you!

As far as meeting up, I like to exhange a few emails, then chat on the phone once or twice, then meet up. I let the woman choose the place so that it is somewhere where she feels safe and comfortable, and frame it in just that way. You either have chemistry or you don't, you can't fake it. And best to find that out early!

[cmt489]

Wow, definitely a topic that is near and dear to my heart. My best friend and I used to do the internet dating thing and it is amazing what you can experience in that world. Seemingly, the most prevalent phenomenon is what my buddy ("Phillip Manor" in my sig line) refers to as the "older/fatter" syndrome. When you actually meet the women they are older or fatter than their pictures. We did come up with some great hard-and-fast rules, though (and I'm sure these apply to guys as well):
1) Never consider going out with a woman who doesn't post her picture.
2) If her picture is only of her face, there's a reason for that.
3) If she only has pictures of her partying with her friends, she's still a party-girl at heart and you'll never be able to have an emotionally intimate relationship with her.
4) If she posts pictures of her pets, she has attachment issues and you'll never be closer to her than them. If she has professional pics of her pets you have someone with a serious mental problem!
5) If she posts a "glamor shot" ... run. That's the absolute best she has ever looked in her life and she's trying to pass that off as her every day appearance.
6) If she posts a black-and-white head shot she's either a professional big cheese (a good thing) or an actress/model (a very bad thing). This is iffy ... make that distinction early.
7) Look carefully at attire and hairstyle, this can be a clue as to if the photo is from her '80s salad days.
8) If she's in a pic with her family, check out the other family members. Not only will this give you a feel for her gene pool, but see how they appear to feel about each other.

So what are your views of a woman who posts her picture wearing a helmet and riding a tauntaun??

[jextract]

She could be my soulmate!!

[Cold_H2O]

She could be my soulmate!!

ok ladies, we now know the secret to hook and reel him in.
I will be placing a bulk order later this week.. Do we all need our own helmets and tauntauns or do you think we could share?

[WreckWench]

When I was doing the online dating thing more frequently I too had a number of screening devices. Of course one of the big ones was...they had to be a diver and my profile said so! I even had DIVING pictures posted so that prospective males would KNOW that I was serious about diving. Every line of my profile had a diving analogy (go figure huh?) and I kindly asked ONLY divers to reply back to me.

I even went so far as to say that I was employed in the diving industry running wreck and sharkdiving expeditions so non-divers would be bored when all I talked about was diving and lonely when I left them to go on dive trips.

Other then posting my profile here, I can assure you that it was very clear that I wanted only divers to reply back.

Here is the ironic part....

Do you know how many men called me shallow for not considering a non-diver? Plenty!

Do you know how many non-divers wrote back saying that they wanted to get to know me...never even offered a lame..."I'd love to learn to dive line" so basically just disregarded my profile all together? Tons!

Do you know how many non-divers wrote to tell me that they were ...uh...other kinds of divers and would I like to see them go under? Uh...NO!

Do you know how many non-divers wrote to me and asked if "snorkeling counted"? Of course I did reply back and asked them in return if they were on a date and thought that they were going to score a home run but instead the girl gave them a kiss on the cheek if that counted??? ONLY one of the guys who asked that question (yes there were more then one) replied back and said..."No I guess it doesn't count.)

And alas....do you know how many divers replied back to me? Well lets just say... obviously not enough!!!

[jextract]

You know, Kamala, I have a pretty good sense of these things ... some call me psychic even. I'm detecting a little bit of an undercurrent here .......... have you ever considered dating a diver?

[Mishelle]

2) If her picture is only of her face, there's a reason for that.

6) If she posts a black-and-white head shot she's either a professional big cheese (a good thing) or an actress/model (a very bad thing). This is iffy ... make that distinction early.

Ahem...... Now I agree and disagree. I have no problem posting full length pics, but then the issue comes to do you want me or my chest. Not all people are hiding something. I PREFER a guy to post a face pic to see if he is someone I would be attracted to. Actually I think the eyes are the first thing I look at, so if I cant see them, then I dont look twice. I am not overly into being shallow about body type. Minus that sumo wrestler that wouldnt leave me alone on Yahoo.... not trying to get killed lol

And as a photographer, I prefer black and white to color. I think it is a more telling picture. To each his own I suppose.

And the Glamour shot thing..... Naaaaaaaa, I think I look better in real life then what they did to me. TOO MUCH MAKEUP! IMO

And lets not even get rolling on guys that only post pics with them and their cars...overcompensation issue?
Or pics with their ex's (or so we hope) that are blacked out with a piece of paper?
It can go either way, but eventually in life, you can not control who you fall in love with..... Trust me on this!

[jextract]

2) If her picture is only of her face, there's a reason for that.

6) If she posts a black-and-white head shot she's either a professional big cheese (a good thing) or an actress/model (a very bad thing).  This is iffy ... make that distinction early.

Ahem...... Now I agree and disagree. I have no problem posting full length pics, but then the issue comes to do you want me or my chest. Not all people are hiding something. I PREFER a guy to post a face pic to see if he is someone I would be attracted to. Actually I think the eyes are the first thing I look at, so if I cant see them, then I dont look twice. I am not overly into being shallow about body type. Minus that sumo wrestler that wouldnt leave me alone on Yahoo.... not trying to get killed lol

And as a photographer, I prefer black and white to color. I think it is a more telling picture. To each his own I suppose.

And the Glamour shot thing..... Naaaaaaaa, I think I look better in real life then what they did to me. TOO MUCH MAKEUP! IMO

And lets not even get rolling on guys that only post pics with them and their cars...overcompensation issue?
Or pics with their ex's (or so we hope) that are blacked out with a piece of paper?
It can go either way, but eventually in life, you can not control who you fall in love with..... Trust me on this!

Mishelle, I agree with you - eyes tell a lot. I'm not saying that I only want to see a full-length shot, either. I'd like to see a nice smiling face shot and I'd like to see your physique. I'm attracted to women with lean/athletic bodies. And since these profiles are, as I mentioned, sales tools I'm going to look for the ones where the women have that kind of physique and display it in their profiles. It doesn't mean that if a woman wrote me and was intriguing enough that I wouldn't take a chance if she didn't have a body shot in her profile, but I very likely wouldn't seek her out. Besides, I'm more of a leg/butt guy than a chest guy.

Yeah, I've heard about guys who post pics with their cars ... I think you're dead-on about that - they're obviously trying to convince you with what they have to compensate for what they're lacking in who they are. But there are plenty of women here in L.A. who won't date you if you don't drive the right kind of car and live in the right area, so obviously there's a symbiotic shallowness.

[Sophia]

All this talk reminded me of one date in High School. I didn't know the guy all that well, but we discovered we had many of the same friends, but had never met. His best friend since kindergarden was a good friend of mine from church.... He was also quite attractive. We went to a football game. Within five minutes we both realized we could not stand each other. So, we moved to sit near our friends. They were in the middle. We were bookends. So, I was not expecting anything but a quick ride home. I was completely oblivious when all of sudden he parks and is all over me. I think he even used the f-word. Then he says, "Come on, baby, let yourself do what you want" I told him I really wanted to vomit, but I'd settle for a ride home. Found out two years later he told the locker room some wild stories about me as truth.

[Mishelle]

Yeah, I've heard about guys who post pics with their cars ... I think you're dead-on about that - they're obviously trying to convince you with what they have to compensate for what they're lacking in who they are. But there are plenty of women here in L.A. who won't date you if you don't drive the right kind of car and live in the right area, so obviously there's a symbiotic shallowness.

You need to move to Indiana lol All these people like are tractors lol j/k
But the diving is less then impressive to say the least. But I agree with you comments!

[jextract]

Yeah, I've heard about guys who post pics with their cars ... I think you're dead-on about that - they're obviously trying to convince you with what they have to compensate for what they're lacking in who they are.  But there are plenty of women here in L.A. who won't date you if you don't drive the right kind of car and live in the right area, so obviously there's a symbiotic shallowness.

You need to move to Indiana lol All these people like are tractors lol j/k
But the diving is less then impressive to say the least. But I agree with you comments!

Funny you should mention that. About a year ago I had to pass on a very promising relationship because she had to move back to Indiana to help run her mom's horse farm. She wanted me to move back there, I wanted her to move here. So it goes!

[OilfieldTrash]

Wow, definitely a topic that is near and dear to my heart. My best friend and I used to do the internet dating thing and it is amazing what you can experience in that world. Seemingly, the most prevalent phenomenon is what my buddy ("Phillip Manor" in my sig line) refers to as the "older/fatter" syndrome. When you actually meet the women they are older or fatter than their pictures. We did come up with some great hard-and-fast rules, though (and I'm sure these apply to guys as well):
1) Never consider going out with a woman who doesn't post her picture.
2) If her picture is only of her face, there's a reason for that.
3) If she only has pictures of her partying with her friends, she's still a party-girl at heart and you'll never be able to have an emotionally intimate relationship with her.
4) If she posts pictures of her pets, she has attachment issues and you'll never be closer to her than them. If she has professional pics of her pets you have someone with a serious mental problem!
5) If she posts a "glamor shot" ... run. That's the absolute best she has ever looked in her life and she's trying to pass that off as her every day appearance.
6) If she posts a black-and-white head shot she's either a professional big cheese (a good thing) or an actress/model (a very bad thing). This is iffy ... make that distinction early.
7) Look carefully at attire and hairstyle, this can be a clue as to if the photo is from her '80s salad days.
8) If she's in a pic with her family, check out the other family members. Not only will this give you a feel for her gene pool, but see how they appear to feel about each other.

One more item you might wish to add to your list: DON'T get a date through the "Girls Behind Bars" website! This could lead to a Date from hell...or a parole violation.
Seriously though, it is fun to view the release dates and wonder what in hell did they do to get locked up. BTW, you can be sure the photos aren't current!

[jextract]

Oddly enough, Wayne, the possibility never crossed my mind.