128 replies to this topic

[Bahamasita]

It'll probably never balance equally, but hopefully each will bring enough to the table that the other will appreciate it, and feel appreciated. JM2c

ITB...

Yes, and "equal" doesn't necessarily mean 50/50 all the time....sometimes you have to scratch my back, and sometimes I have to scratch yours. As long as you help each other when you each need it, it all evens out in the end!

[WreckWench]

I'm in the process of exploring a new relationship, and I guess you could say we had our first "date" this evening (long story... interesting, but long).

ANYWAY....

This evening, I found myself saying to my date "Look - here's the rule. I'm gonna hold the door for you. I know you are perfectly capable of opening the door. You can probably even open the door better than I can. I know the door doesn't present a challenge to you. But I'm gonna hold the door for you, so get used to it."

Learning to date again is an interesting experience.

-david

I love it!!!

I was raised that men open doors for you...its just a common courtesy like greeting someone, smiling, saying please, thank you etc.

In fact I've been known to stand by the car door subconsciencely waiting for my date or gentlemen friend to open the car door for me and not realize it until they say...'its unlocked'...or 'its ok to get in now'. Rather I reply with, I'm sorry, I thought you were going to open the door for me. Of course after an offer like that, they usually scoot around the car and open it for me. If its raining I forgo this nicety and if he says...'open it yourself' regardless then depending on the situation we have a very interesting conversation for the next few minutes!

p.s. Dang it Dave...and to think you lived here for a whole month and you never got the chance to open the car door for me....

p.p.s. And yes I'm used to it!

[WreckWench]

think the design is that we all have someone that helps us or "completes" us.

It seems to be difficult to find that these days, as we are often way too selfish... (hey, look at me... ). Of course historically there have been many instances of one "partner" not being much of a partner... and then there are times when one partner may not see the other partner's contribution because they/we are focused on them/ourselves so much (hey, look at me... ). We (all men) are not actually all hooked on ourselves... (hey, look at me... ), but sometimes we all (men and women) lapse into selfishness... it's human nature. It really does help when there are two that will communicate and try to help each other. It'll probably never balance equally, but hopefully each will bring enough to the table that the other will appreciate it, and feel appreciated. JM2c

ITB...

Very well said ITB....the finding someone who 'completes' us or complements us is the most precious skill we can empower in ourselves and others.

Another example from work...I worked for a very strong manager/leader who had to make a number of difficult and unpopular moves in the early days of cellular. He had to balance production and engineering and cost cutting measures against quality and customer service and assorted people aspects. He'd always come to me and ask my opinion regarding how my dept would react to a certain move or measure and what I'd do in the same situation. Of course he NEVER took my advice...at least not that I could see. So one time he asked me for my input and I said...'Why? You never take it so I feel as if I'm wasting my time." He told me that although he did not agree with me all the time...and often he could not make the decision I would make even if he wanted too, he could temper the decisions being made based upon my input to minimize the damage that otherwise would occur. He told me that he needed strong, viable and valuable opinions around him that he did not necessarily agree with so that he could complement HIS ability to make the best, well rounded, most balanced decisions possible. I provide the 'people' aspect to the 'numbers' decisions he had to make. He did not always agree with me but he respected my opinion even when I went head to toe with him and disagreed with him. He'd say I was like his wife in some respects....a women he dearly loved but whom he married because she was strong in the areas that he was weak and vice versa.

It takes a very secure person to accept their limitations and then find someone who complements those limitations. And it takes a very secure person to be with someone who is weak in a number of areas yet you can value their strength in others.

I think this is the key to all successful relationships...business...personal...friendships!

[FLDiver]

One thing I haven't seen addressed,
perhaps it is too polite an item to be mentioned,
is the ongoing battle over ... (duh-duh-duhhhhhh!)

The Toilet Seat

Now, toss in the fact that we're ALL mature divers here,
add to the mix the ever-ticklish sarcasm (and good spirited fun)
of the We're-Better-Than-You DIR diving religion
and the questions start swirling!
(that'd be clockwise in northern hemisphere,
counter-clockwise in southern hemisphere)

Is it proper DIR procedure to:
a. Leave the Seat Down, for reasons of sanitary safety
b. Leave the Seat Up, for Emergency purposes (bad oyster evacuation drills)

Which almost begs the next question, Toilet Paper:
a. over the top ?
b. under the bottom ?

I can hear the DIR brains bubbling .... almost a chant of DIR hymns ...
bathroom light bulb failure whilst on-the-john drill .... ooooo!

[steelemagnolia6]

LMBO to funny..... we'll be hearing from the DIR bunch anytime now.. and Matt I thin kthey'll be beating you to death with the split fins...

[Walter]

One thing I haven't seen addressed,
perhaps it is too polite an item to be mentioned,
is the ongoing battle over ... (duh-duh-duhhhhhh!)

The Toilet Seat

For sanitary reasons, you should not only lower the seat, but also the lid before every flush.

[cmt489]

Hey, I never said that I didn't like the door being held open for me...

[Dennis]

An interesting thread. I never read it before now. My best buddy and me have our roles pretty well worked out after 25 years. Yes, I am a little unusual in this group because I am married and happily so.

I was attracted to Donna because she was very independent and extremely smart. Smarter than me, but don't anyone tell her I said so. Donna intimidated many of the guys at UofF because she was so intelligent.

Me, I do the laundry. I sort it, I fold it, and I put it away. The last part is why Donna doesn't do the laundry. I hate having to dig through the laundry basket for my clothes every day, so I took over the job very early. However, if you don't want dry clean only stuff getting washed, don't put it in the laundry basket. I've ruined some things that were not where they belong. So be it.

I also cook. I like to cook and I can cook very well thank you. So does Donna and she is an excellent cook. We share this chore. I can tell when she doesn't want to cook, how, I have no idea, I just know. I usually take care of the yard and the cars, but she is perfectly capable of doing it herself, and has when needed. She usually takes care of her airplane, but I help. Yes, it's her airplane and I get to fly it if I've been nice. Well, that's my story on the plane and I'm sticking to it.

Donna and I are partners. I wouldn't want it any other way. These last 9 months have been absolutely a big pain for both of us because she is back teaching at The Florida Institute of Technology in Melbourne, FL and I am here in Virgina. We have tried to see each other every 2 to 4 weeks, but it is not the same. Donna is back here in Virginia for the summer, so I am much more happy again.

The biggest thing each person has to remember is that they should each other. If one person doesn't, then things cannot work out. If each person doesn't think they are giving 200%, then you aren't giving enough. But both have to feel that way. A one sided relationship will fail every time.

By the way, Donna has never had PMS, NFS (No Flying Syndrome) yes, but never PMS.

[Walter]

Smarter than me, but don't anyone tell her I said so.

Uh, Dennis...... she knows it.

[WreckWench]

Dennis....such a great insight!!! And certainly valuable tools for anyone who wants a successful relationship of any kind! But especially marriage! Thank you for your insight and thank you for your participation on our site as one of our beloved 'Buddyless Divers'!!! -ww

[Brinybay]

Greg,

[Piece of cake stuff]

Yeah right! You can't imagine how many times I've heard men yelling and throwing tools, whining and complaining about having to paint, cut the grass, shovel the snow, oh and the Christmas tree? Lets not even go there. The list in my above post, just scratches the surface of what the mans responsibilities are. Unfortunately, the men in my life have always failed miserably to live up to their end of the deal.

Now my list? That's a piece of cake.

By "piece of cake" I meant that the chores you listed don't require a great deal of skills or knowledge, just a willingness to do them, and if they were beyond the level of my expertise, just call someone who can. How hard is that? As long as you don't expect them all done in one day. That's why I've enjoyed helping a female co-worker renovate her apt and her "honey-do" list this last week while her back is out. She feeds well, waters regularly, and appreciates greatly.

[intotheblue]

I was raised that men open doors for you...its just a common courtesy like greeting someone, smiling, saying please, thank you etc.

In fact I've been known to stand by the car door subconsciencely waiting for my date or gentlemen friend to open the car door for me and not realize it until they say...'its unlocked'...or 'its ok to get in now'.  Rather I reply with, I'm sorry, I thought you were going to open the door for me.

Ah, someone that appreciates chivalry...? My last long term girlfriend made me run to open the door for her before she would exit or enter the vehicle... Guess she never had someone treat her with that kind of respect and "cherish"... and she never seemed to get used to it. When the "Good Book" refers to treating the woman as a weaker vessel... He meant to treat her like a fine delicate vase, rather than an old durable pot. It's not that a woman can't take care of herself or do 'most anything a man can do... but it's that esteem HE wants us (men) to have for her. There's "go-by's" for women in that handbook too!

B.T.W. ... I have found there was likely SCUBA back in the time of Jesus... for he sent the Apostles out to "divers" places... (obviously the Red Sea???)


ITB...

[intotheblue]

The Toilet Seat

Is it proper DIR procedure to:
a. Leave the Seat Down, for reasons of sanitary safety
b. Leave the Seat Up, for Emergency purposes (bad oyster evacuation drills)

Well, if I were a woman (and I never will be one ), I'd insist on the seat being up. From what I've experienced in the men's room... when the standing room only facilities are occupado... and the overflow enters the stalls... I must be the only man alive that doesn't overflow onto the seats. I always raise the seat, because I never know if I won't be the next person that needs to sit on it. As for a woman, well she pretty well knows she'll be the next one to sit on it... so women teach your men how to "diddle".... but once you "piss" them off, you'd better raise the seat anyhow... before they "diddle" on IT for your untimely arrival later....

TIA for your help on this one!!! For I have a dream... that all over this land, gender "f" and gender "m" will come together around the commode... that little "f" butts and little "m" butts will both be able to sit on the same seat without first having to wipe it down... and when there's a splish splash... it'll be safely away from the "terlet" seat!

ITB...

[Dennis]

Dennis....such a great insight!!! And certainly valuable tools for anyone who wants a successful relationship of any kind! But especially marriage! Thank you for your insight and thank you for your participation on our site as one of our beloved 'Buddyless Divers'!!! -ww

Kamala, Thanks for the kudos, however, I'm not sure my insight is the result of wisdom or just dumb luck. Maybe some of both. I do remember that a wise man (my Dad) once told me, "If you ever have the feeling that you have to just get away from a woman and be alone, then that person is not right for you. You want the one that you always feel you have to be close to." Some things, he got right.

[jextract]

Interesting thread ... great input.

I'm pretty easygoing. Just show up naked. A lot. I'll figure out how to get the chores done!