I was at a party one time where my GF sat in another guy's lap for two or three hours with her arm around his shoulders, and let him put his hand squarely on her hip/behind area. I think we can all agree that this is a clear "I'm interested" signal to a guy. She had to have known I would notice it.Just finished having a tiff with the boyfriend over jealously issues (his) and I have to ask the fundamental question - why do people get jealous when they have been given no reason to do so?
Reader's Digest version of events - My boyfriend and I had already agreed that we were not seeing each other this night. I got a call from a friend that I have not seen in almost a year who is from Germany and is only in town for two days asking if I want to meet up for coffee with him and his female friend that he is staying with in town. I say sure. Coffee turns into dinner and drinks (remember, there are three of us and this guy and I have NEVER dated). I get a phone call on my cell while out from my boyfriend just wondering where I am and I tell him. This starts a whole stream of jealousy that I think we have finally resolved (for the most part). When I asked him in his jealous fit if he didn't trust me, his response, "Why? Is there a reason I shouldn't?" Hmmm.
It should be noted that I have never done anything that would in anyway create trust issues. I have always been open and honest and would never cheat or even think of cheating on someone.
Anyhow, back onto topic. Why do people get jealous in relationships? I never have so it is an emotion that I simply don't understand.
Any insight??
I will admit it bothered me, but I wouldn't call it jealousy, I would describe it more as concern.
I thought quite a bit about it during what was a very quiet ride home, but in the end I decided not to confront her about it, but I think I should have done so, in a calm and reasonable way.
If I had it to do over again, I would have told her what I saw, how I reacted to it, and asked her if she was happy and content in our relationship, and whether or not she was interested in continuing it. If so, I would have ASKED (not demanded or ordered) that she not send flirting signals to other guys, and if she was not willing or able to promise that, then we should terminate the intimate side of the realtionship, and move forward, to the extent possible, on a friendship basis.
Ironically, in the end, another guy asked her out and she jumped at the opportunity. Personally I think she was just biding her time until someone else came along, but I couldn't prove that. Whatever... hope she's having a good life, wherever she is.
I make my expectations of a partner (expectations that are the same for myself) crystal clear very early on in the dating process, and one of those is: no flirting with other guys. And I don't flirt with other women. Period. If that's a problem, we don't need to waste time pursuing one another.
As far as why jealousy happens...I think being cuckolded, or being had, in a relationship is not something anyone would like to have happen to them, and apprehension about that is what starts trust issues rolling. Just have to catch it, and deal with it, before it snowballs into a problem.
Anyway, that's my rambling, worth exactly what you paid for it
Take care...
--'Goose
