94 replies to this topic

[drdiver]

Hawkeye, that was a very good post and I think you've hit upon something interesting here. With just about unanimity, EVERYONE wanted CMT to dump her boyfriend (Dejah and a couple of others excepted). Isn't life and relationships about working through the good and the bad? Have we all become so shallow that at the slightest hint of our vessel hittin the shoals, we jump ship, looking for a new crew? Arrggh, if that were the case for everyone (our parents perhaps included) we'd have nothing. And no America. (Canada included, of course). There's a lot to be said for sailin' the course, through storm and gale, scurvy and bad water, weevily biscuit and no rum. Builds character. And, mind you, I"m not talking about abuse or bad such as that, but there's ups and downs for all. You don't cut anchor and run at the slightest blow. Taint pirately or seamanly. Or diverly for that matter.

Edited by drdiver, 02 June 2005 - 06:46 PM.

[JewlesH2O]

Ok everyone is going to think I am insane when I say this. I have been fortunate enough not to have dated the insanely jealous type. A guy that I dated for several years was the exact opposite. He would encourage me to dress up in skimpy bar clothes and go out without him. He would offer to drive me and my girlfriends to the club and drop us off. Once he even stayed at my friend’s house with her dogs while we went out dancing and came to pick us up at 2am. Nothing made him jealous ever. It used to drive me crazy because without a little bit of jealously, I felt like he didn’t care. After reading other people’s stories, I guess I was just really lucky. I really liked that “be careful if the ex cheated on you” quote. I will be careful of that in the future.

[DiveCandy]

P.S. aaaaarrrrrggggghhh - is spelled with 5 - Gs and only 3 - Hs - Just to nit pic

Seems it is time for you to up the dosage once again!

Took the words right outta my mouth, Jill!!

[Neptuner]

While I certainly understand and agree with many of Hawkeye's points, I have to believe that from the few words I've read from cmt's posts, she is a woman who is very upfront and to the point about everything. Correct me if I'm wrong cmt, but that's my read. As a result of this, any insecurities that this guy has are definitely his own issues, of his own making. But again, I would suspect that cmt's personality offers him reassurance every step of the way, in a myriad of ways.

Given this fact, the only reason in my mind that he is jealous is because he is guilty... plain and simple. A man that knows he would be unfaithful (or worse yet already is) expects and suspects regularly that the woman he is with is the same way. This is a truly stupid "guy" type of reaction, but I've seen it a thousand times. I sincerely hope it's not the case for your sake cmt, but I would bet on it.

[drdiver]

Ok everyone is going to think I am insane when I say this. I have been fortunate enough not to have dated the insanely jealous type. A guy that I dated for several years was the exact opposite. He would encourage me to dress up in skimpy bar clothes and go out without him. He would offer to drive me and my girlfriends to the club and drop us off. Once he even stayed at my friend’s house with her dogs while we went out dancing and came to pick us up at 2am. Nothing made him jealous ever. It used to drive me crazy because without a little bit of jealously, I felt like he didn’t care. After reading other people’s stories, I guess I was just really lucky. I really liked that “be careful if the ex cheated on you” quote. I will be careful of that in the future.

So what you are saying is that a little concern (we won't use the "J" word here) would have made you feel like he cared about you. I'm missing the "T" word here. He apparently trusted you, but that wasn't enough. Hmmmmmm..... any comments on this?

[Geek]

If this is a one time event, let it pass. Everyone has a bad day now and then. However, if this is a pattern, then it is a different matter.

Trust is the reward one gets for being trustworthy. However, trust is not a natural thing for someone who is not trustworthy, because they assume others are like them, i.e. not trustworthy. So if you are trustworthy, but not receiving trust, there are two implications, 1) you are being deprived of the trust you deserve and 2) the other person is probably not trustworthy.

So again, if this is a one time thing, let it pass as a bad day. If it is a pattern, . . .

Then again, if I know so much why am I here?

Edited by Geek, 02 June 2005 - 07:08 PM.

[cmt489]

Ok everyone is going to think I am insane when I say this. I have been fortunate enough not to have dated the insanely jealous type. A guy that I dated for several years was the exact opposite. He would encourage me to dress up in skimpy bar clothes and go out without him. He would offer to drive me and my girlfriends to the club and drop us off. Once he even stayed at my friend’s house with her dogs while we went out dancing and came to pick us up at 2am. Nothing made him jealous ever. It used to drive me crazy because without a little bit of jealously, I felt like he didn’t care. After reading other people’s stories, I guess I was just really lucky. I really liked that “be careful if the ex cheated on you” quote. I will be careful of that in the future.

So what you are saying is that a little concern (we won't use the "J" word here) would have made you feel like he cared about you. I'm missing the "T" word here. He apparently trusted you, but that wasn't enough. Hmmmmmm..... any comments on this?

Other than the fact that a guy with a personality like this would have been my dream match??? Okay, seriously, I think this may be part of the problem. My personality is almost identical to Jewles old boyfriend. I don't have a jealous bone in my body since I am completely confident in my relationships. If I am not confident in the relationship, I do not get in deep enough to care. I must admit that the BF has actually admitted to me that he doesn't understand how I can experience no jealousy about past relationships and continuing friendships with those people (yes, folks, the gander has friendships with past relationships just like the goose but he sometimes has problems with the goose's friends - this was not the case in this particular case, but you know what I mean...)

Re cheating, no, I am a pretty good read on that and I don't think he is cheating on me. He doesn't have time and, in fact, fatigue may be playing a part in his slight paranoia...

[drdiver]

If this is a one time event, let it pass. Everyone has a bad day now and then. However, if this is a pattern, then it is a different matter.

Trust is the reward one gets for being trustworthy. However, trust is not a natural thing for someone who is not trustworthy, because they assume others are like them, i.e. not trustworthy. So if you are trustworthy, but not receiving trust, there are two implications, 1) you are being deprived of the trust you deserve and 2) the other person is probably not trustworthy.

So again, if this is a one time thing, let it pass as a bad day. If it is a pattern, . . .

Then again, if I know so much why am I here? teeth.gif

My, GOD, Geek, I've got an algorithm or three for you to solve. Well said, I need another glass of Monopolova to figure that out.

[Geek]

If this is a one time event, let it pass. Everyone has a bad day now and then. However, if this is a pattern, then it is a different matter.

Trust is the reward one gets for being trustworthy. However, trust is not a natural thing for someone who is not trustworthy, because they assume others are like them, i.e. not trustworthy. So if you are trustworthy, but not receiving trust, there are two implications, 1) you are being deprived of the trust you deserve and 2) the other person is probably not trustworthy.

So again, if this is a one time thing, let it pass as a bad day. If it is a pattern, . . .

Then again, if I know so much why am I here? teeth.gif

My, GOD, Geek, I've got an algorithm or three for you to solve. Well said, I need another glass of Monopolova to figure that out.

Sorry about that. I was a math major in college, then moved on to accounting in grad school. I guess that answers my question.

Edited by Geek, 02 June 2005 - 07:17 PM.

[drdiver]

Arrrgh, eh, the lass and her mate have to settle their own problem. We can advise and throw in our two pence,(after all, she brought it up) but in matters of the heart, it's a personal matter between them. Whatever they decide, I wish 'em both god speed, a tight ship and a fair wind.

(I think I am only going to talk like this from now on!!!! )

[HAWKEYE1251]

Re cheating, no, I am a pretty good read on that and I don't think he is cheating on me.  He doesn't have time and, in fact, fatigue may be playing a part in his slight paranoia...

CMT, I hope you relize that I assumed that part was already obvious to you. If not I don't believe you would have been posting on this topic to begin with, which is why I answered as I did. I don't think I can suscribe to the theory that a little jealousy makes for good love, namely because as almost everyone seems to believe, trust is key. A slight lack of self confidence, sure, I can see that. Again, if reassurance does not resolve the issue, then probably nothing will. But as someone posted, a little bit of trouble can be well worth the weathering. That, is up to you. And you certainly seem like an intelligent, motivated individual, so is he worth the little extra effort it might take to see what lies ahead?

You can't get chicken soup out of chicken ship, but it is possible to find a pearl in a clam afterall....

hawkeye1251

[JewlesH2O]

Ok everyone is going to think I am insane when I say this. I have been fortunate enough not to have dated the insanely jealous type. A guy that I dated for several years was the exact opposite. He would encourage me to dress up in skimpy bar clothes and go out without him. He would offer to drive me and my girlfriends to the club and drop us off. Once he even stayed at my friend’s house with her dogs while we went out dancing and came to pick us up at 2am. Nothing made him jealous ever. It used to drive me crazy because without a little bit of jealously, I felt like he didn’t care. After reading other people’s stories, I guess I was just really lucky. I really liked that “be careful if the ex cheated on you” quote. I will be careful of that in the future.

So what you are saying is that a little concern (we won't use the "J" word here) would have made you feel like he cared about you. I'm missing the "T" word here. He apparently trusted you, but that wasn't enough. Hmmmmmm..... any comments on this?

Other than the fact that a guy with a personality like this would have been my dream match??? Okay, seriously, I think this may be part of the problem. My personality is almost identical to Jewles old boyfriend. I don't have a jealous bone in my body since I am completely confident in my relationships. If I am not confident in the relationship, I do not get in deep enough to care. I must admit that the BF has actually admitted to me that he doesn't understand how I can experience no jealousy about past relationships and continuing friendships with those people (yes, folks, the gander has friendships with past relationships just like the goose but he sometimes has problems with the goose's friends - this was not the case in this particular case, but you know what I mean...)

Re cheating, no, I am a pretty good read on that and I don't think he is cheating on me. He doesn't have time and, in fact, fatigue may be playing a part in his slight paranoia...

I've met three types of couples.

Couple number 1: neither person has a jealous bone in his/her body. Both people are very trusting of each other and life is great. They have been happily married for years.

Couple number 2 The guy or the girl is jealous. The other person isn't. They fight a lot because of their different views.

Couple number three: Both people are very jealous and get jealous about the same things so it works. I'm noticing that pattern that the jealously thing seems to work if both people are or both people are not jealous types. Weird.....

[drdiver]

I be completely exhausted. It's probably all true. I just believe it's all about lovin' the wench you're with and to h*** with all this complex ship.

(to coin a phrase from Hawkeye.)

[steelemagnolia6]

This is to complex a load of ship for us to make a judgement on...

But I'll stand my my earlier post and that is if there is no trust it will never work.



Captian I like your idea about loving the wench your with and to $^#* with the rest of the!!!! but I like loving the skurvy dog that I am sailing the sea with...

all of us should practice the old quote that my grandfather told me "Dance with the one that brought you" , he always said that if you do that you'll avoid most problems with realtionships ( I'm pretty sure that he used the "M" word here).


Has anyone seen my eye patch and my cutlass???

[HAWKEYE1251]

This is to complex a load of ship for us to make a judgement on...

But I'll stand my my earlier post and that is if there is no trust it will never work.


"Dance with the one that brought you" , he always said that if you do that you'll avoid most problems with realtionships

Great quote steel, only I heard it a little different. It was" You oughtta dance with the one that brung ya. But then again I did grow up in Texas. It also fairly well fits yours and drs' dialect in this conversation.

Maybe we could add, "that a little ship is worth tolerating, but too much ship is, afterall, just more ship".

Or possibly even, " never try to teach a pig to fly, it's a waste of time and it annoys the pig".

Food for thought,
Hawkeye1251