328 replies to this topic

[Brinybay]

I'm past the age of being nervous in talking to or asking out women.

I don't agree that it's an age factor, but rather more to do with one's individual communication "style". I find it hard to believe that anybody, male or female, isn't a little nervous in breaking the ice. I prefer to take a subtle approach because that's the way I communicate best. If I just blurt it out, it sounds very clumsy and comical, just like when I was a teen. IOW, I like a lot of verbal "foreplay". There's been more than a few times during this "foreplay" that I find out about an obstacle that was previously unknown that would prevent me from asking, e.g. they're attached or spoken for, gay, or some other reason.

[WillDiveForBeer]

Sounds like you need a Single Divers Sunset with a Lavaflow...

Or maybe just some Monopolova!!!

Never had Monopolova... will have to give it a shot! I'm a big fan of Stoli Elit, however.

In fact, here's my favorite recipe for vodka martinis:

Ingredients:

Stoli Elit Vodka
Vermouth (brand is unimportant)
Lemon twist

Recipe:

At least a week before preparing, place bottle of Stoli Elit in the freezer, along with a martini glass (or several).

1. Remove glass and vodka from freezer.

2. Pour vodka into glass.

3. Rub the lip of the glass with a lemon twist

4. Toss bottle of vermouth in the trash.

ENJOY!



-david

Brand of Vermouth is unimportant (u know u shouldn't throw it away :-P)? Martini and Rossi...the gold standard in Vermouth. Now, we could look for a Platinum or Titanium (or am I thinking credit cards, lol) brand...but you don't want a cheap, horrible Vermouth for those VODKA martinis. Now, get a good gin such as Bombay Sapphire or quite possibly the best gin ever, Miller's Gin, and now we are talking about a martini ;-).

Sounds like you are just having an extra large shot glass of vodka, hehe. BTW, a traditional Dry Martini uses orange bitters, not lemon, how does your martini work with orange twist rather than a lemon twist?

-Mike-

[Brinybay]

The thing that is screwed up is that I think both sexes have some unreasonable expectations about what asking someone out means... like it's tacit consent to jump (or have jumped) your bones. There's no harm in dinner or drinks, and if I ask you out it doesn't mean that I (necessarily) wanna have sex with you. It may just mean that I think you're a cool chick and I'd like to get to know you better. No harm in that, right? I like meeting new people and learning about what makes them tick. And yeah, if things go especially well, then maybe after a few dates, well.... who knows.

Now this is where we're in agreement. I was just thinking recently how the whole "dinner date" scenario has really been destroyed by both sexes, i.e. guys ask women out, pay for a dinner and expect sex in return, and the vice-versa, women won't accept an invitation out because they wouldn't consider having sex with you.

But, truth be known, I never really like the "dinner/date" scenario anyway, it always seemed too forced, I couldn't relax and be myself. Nowadays I won't go out on a dinner date with strangers. It has to be somebody I already know and can be myself around. Those have been the best dinner dates I remember.

[Marvel]

I think bald men are very sexy!!  

I always say it's a solar panel for a love machine.

More face to kiss... :anna:

[Brinybay]

I think it would be interesting to have a satisfaction survey at the end of the date for both people to fill out .... "on a scale of 1- 10, how would you rate the conversation tonight?".... "what were your expectations at the beginning of the date?" "were your expectations met?" "wpuld you want to go out again sometime?" "do you see me as a (check one) potential sibling; potential friend with benefits; potential dating partner; etc. .....

eewwww.... cool project for a phd candidate out there somewhere I'm sure.

There's an interesting and sometimes funny late-night dating show that does that, I can't remember the name of it, I think it's "Blind Date" or something like that. I catch it sometimes if I'm up late channel surfing.

[Marvel]

The thing that is screwed up is that I think both sexes have some unreasonable expectations about what asking someone out means...  like it's tacit consent to jump (or have jumped) your bones.  There's no harm in dinner or drinks, and if I ask you out it doesn't mean that I (necessarily) wanna have sex with you.  It may just mean that I think you're a cool chick and I'd like to get to know you better.  No harm in that, right?  I like meeting new people and learning about what makes them tick.  And yeah, if things go especially well, then maybe after a few dates, well....  who knows.

Now this is where we're in agreement. I was just thinking recently how the whole "dinner date" scenario has really been destroyed by both sexes, i.e. guys ask women out, pay for a dinner and expect sex in return, and the vice-versa, women won't accept an invitation out because they wouldn't consider having sex with you.

But, truth be known, I never really like the "dinner/date" scenario anyway, it always seemed too forced, I couldn't relax and be myself. Nowadays I won't go out on a dinner date with strangers. It has to be somebody I already know and can be myself around. Those have been the best dinner dates I remember.

Don't want to sound like an advertisement here, but that is one of the beauties of sd.com trips (or it could be a HH or one day Event). A bunch of single people with at least one common interest getting together & DIVING, hanging out, diving some more & in the process getting to know one another & having a lot of fun in the process. I think that it takes a lot of the pressure off the whole meet & date thing- which I've decided that I am an abysmal failure at anyway.

[Brinybay]

Ladies, if you ask a guy out and he turns you down, don't sweat it. If he's too shallow to not even be interested enough in you to learn a little bit about you over dinner, then you can do better than him.

And if you ask him out, be prepared to buy... but (at least in my case) if he offers to buy, let him. It's a guy thing.

-david

And I'll add that the old saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" still holds. Doesn't matter if you can't cook, there's so much hot-to-go stuff available these days that it's amazing. You would probably learn more about him that way also. Every time I hear a guy complain about a meal that someone went to the trouble to prepare for them (even if you didn't actually cook it yourself) I just want to belt them a good one!

[annasea]

I was just thinking recently how the whole "dinner date" scenario has really been destroyed by both sexes, i.e. guys ask women out, pay for a dinner and expect sex in return, and the vice-versa, women won't accept an invitation out because they wouldn't consider having sex with you. 

Very timely that you mention this now, Briny. Last night as I was reading yet another 'thrilling' chapter in "Mars and Venus on a Date", the author covered this phenomenon. He cuts the men more slack than you do though. His thought is that while women think most men are expecting sex after dinner, men are merely hoping for sex. Although the difference might seem subtle, it's quite mentionable. (At least to me!)

[nextariel]

Don't want to sound like an advertisement here, but that is one of the beauties of sd.com trips (or it could be a HH or one day Event). A bunch of single people with at least one common interest getting together & DIVING, hanging out, diving some more & in the process getting to know one another & having a lot of fun in the process. I think that it takes a lot of the pressure off the whole meet & date thing- which I've decided that I am an abysmal failure at anyway. 

And you just never know what may happen as a result of one or a number of those trips, HH's, or events.

[drdiver]

Very timely that you mention this now, Briny. Last night as I was reading yet another 'thrilling' chapter in "Mars and Venus on a Date", the author covered this phenomenon. He cuts the men more slack than you do though. tongue.gif His thought is that while women think most men are expecting sex after dinner, men are merely hoping for sex. Although the difference might seem subtle, it's quite mentionable. (At least to me!)

But whatever happened to sex before dinner? And before breakfast? All of the old traditions have just been thrown by the wayside in this modern age!

[divin aggie]

My brother, who is follicaly challenged, told me that being bald was a sign that he had a lot of activity going on up there.....

I reminded him that it doesnt grow where there is concrete either....j/k

As far as the dinner/sex deal, I think there is the point that men "hope" rather than expect.....there is always a "hope" factor, but it doesn't mean that we all "expect" it. Part of the fun of it all is the chase, both being chased a little and chasing a little.

[TheSassyRabbit]

IOW, I like a lot of verbal "foreplay".  There's been more than a few times during this "foreplay" that I find out about an obstacle that was previously unknown that would prevent me from asking, e.g. they're attached or spoken for, gay, or some other reason.

Foreplay. Now THERE'S an entirely loose subject all by itself. I think some people seriously underestimate this part. And, of course, for most women, foreplay does not start in the bedroom. I have to be in the mood long before that point.... it's the little things .... throughout the day, the week, whatever. I know that's generally SO different than a man's perspective (yah, yah... just show up naked with beer ) but ... well.... one more dimension to the whole sex before breakfast, after dinner, etc.

Edited by TheSassyRabbit, 11 June 2005 - 07:42 AM.

[drbill]

I was just thinking recently how the whole "dinner date" scenario has really been destroyed by both sexes, i.e. guys ask women out, pay for a dinner and expect sex in return, and the vice-versa, women won't accept an invitation out because they wouldn't consider having sex with you. 

Very timely that you mention this now, Briny. Last night as I was reading yet another 'thrilling' chapter in "Mars and Venus on a Date", the author covered this phenomenon. He cuts the men more slack than you do though. His thought is that while women think most men are expecting sex after dinner, men are merely hoping for sex. Although the difference might seem subtle, it's quite mentionable. (At least to me!)

I guess I am really old-fashioned. To me a dinner date is a good way to get to know someone since it offers so much time to talk. Other activities like a movie, etc., involve both of you focused on an external event.

As for expecting or hoping for sex after a dinner, I wouldn't even consider it if it were a first date. I don't sleep with a woman the first time we go out. I want to be sure we will both have something to talk about after the hours of foreplay and "culmination" are over... that's an important type of "intercourse" in my relationships.

In this era why would anyone expect (or want) sex after a first date? Back in the 60's that might have been the case (heck, didn't even require a first date beforehand back then), but not now with the plethora of STD's. I want to know the person I'm sleeping with, and be happy waking up with her in the morning rather than sneaking out the door without even leaving a note.

[annasea]

I guess I am really old-fashioned. To me a dinner date is a good way to get to know someone since it offers so much time to talk. Other activities like a movie, etc., involve both of you focused on an external event.

As for expecting or hoping for sex after a dinner, I wouldn't even consider it if it were a first date. I don't sleep with a woman the first time we go out. I want to be sure we will both have something to talk about after the hours of foreplay and "culmination" are over... that's an important type of "intercourse" in my relationships.

In this era why would anyone expect (or want) sex after a first date? Back in the 60's that might have been the case (heck, didn't even require a first date beforehand back then), but not now with the plethora of STD's. I want to know the person I'm sleeping with, and be happy waking up with her in the morning rather than sneaking out the door without even leaving a note.

drbill,

Are you sure you're not a woman trapped inside a man's body?

I agree wholeheartedly with your statements. I would like to think a lot of others (read: men) do as well. I think the one major exception to this school of thought would be events like 'Spring Break'. (Mind you, that generally involves the under 30 crowd anyway.)

Not that I need to/or should do this, but in defense of men, and women as well, one of the 'alleged' problems in starting relationships that John Gray points out is that women want emotional intimacy too fast, while men want physical intimacy too fast.

For example, women want to share-and-care about every little detail about themselves -- whether it be good or 'bad' -- and men just don't want to hear it. Especially the 'bad' stuff early on. Whereas men -- maybe not on the first date -- just wanna get laid! (Or at least cop a feel -- or 3!)

Edited by annasea, 11 June 2005 - 10:35 AM.

[intotheblue]

For example, women want to share-and-care about every little detail about themselves -- whether it be good or 'bad' -- and men just don't want to hear it. Especially the 'bad' stuff early on. Whereas men -- maybe not on the first date -- just wanna get laid!  (Or at least cop a feel -- or 3!)

So, you're saying that we (men) should "feel" your (women's) "pain"???