98 replies to this topic

[blacklatexozdiver]

I wish I knew how to flirt and to identify someone flirting with me....

[Capn Jack]

I wish I knew how to flirt and to identify someone flirting with me....

That's just too easy. Kinda like hunt'n cows with a high powered rifle and a scope. So, I won't take the cheap shots that are leaping into my mind.

Instead, I'll go one further, and admit the same wish with the qualification of being married. I still enjoy the attention and the company of women. How do I determine when a woman is flirting that it is well meant and not going anywhere that will leave me in court, penniless with severe burn scars? How do I harmlessly flirt and not come across as being a scum of a husband? Is it even possible?

A few years of observations have made me conclude that it is easier when my wife is present. When I'm on a business trip, dining alone, I'm lucky if a waitress takes my order and returns with the food and a check. If my wife is with me, or now, my grown-up daughter, I get the touching, the smiles, the winks from all the waitresses. To me, this is evidence that "safe" flirting is socially acceptable, and desired by women as well as me.

So - ladies of the board, what is your take? Guys, you can answer too, but I probably won't read them as closely

[BabyDuck]

good thread topic!

my thought is that actual flirting is seeing where things could go. telling a person in the office or at a party that they look nice is not necessarily flirting. using a different tone of voice and letting your eyes do a little walking is. so you can be nice and converse and laugh, and not necessarily be flirting. maybe the difference is along the lines of being friends, and being friendly...a matter of knowledge and degree.

the one that always gets me is the long intense stare, even if the person is talking about something mundane. i can read more into that than the law should allow...and some things that i know are against the law!

[Dennis]

I am sure I am paraphrasing here, but;

In Isaac Azimov's book, "The Sensuous Dirty Old Man" (and you probably thought he only did Sci Fi), Mr. Azimov states:

A dirty old man will steal glances and peeks at a nice looking woman, but a sensuous dirty old man will not leave any doubt, he will stare unashamedly.

Or something like that. I don't have the book any more, but it came out back when "The Sensuous Woman" was popular.

Edited by Dennis, 12 December 2005 - 09:38 AM.

[cmt489]

Flirting?? Now who flirts?? Certainly not me.... :anna:

[Walter]

Flirting?? Now who flirts?? Certainly not me.... :anna:

Darlin', it's getting deep in here.

[WreckWench]

good thread topic!

my thought is that actual flirting is seeing where things could go. telling a person in the office or at a party that they look nice is not necessarily flirting. using a different tone of voice and letting your eyes do a little walking is. so you can be nice and converse and laugh, and not necessarily be flirting. maybe the difference is along the lines of being friends, and being friendly...a matter of knowledge and degree.

the one that always gets me is the long intense stare, even if the person is talking about something mundane. i can read more into that than the law should allow...and some things that i know are against the law!

Very good perspective...I do think that people 'mistake' flirting for more than what it is and others have to be hit with a 2x4 to realize that you are flirting! It can be rather confusing...

Guess that means I need to practice more!

[annasea]

I do think that people 'mistake' flirting for more than what it is and others have to be hit with a 2x4 to realize that you are flirting! It can be rather confusing...

Confusing indeed!

Long story short... I participate on another board where I do the occasional *greet*. I received a PM from one of my *greetees* saying thanks, you're cute, good luck with your certification, etc. Not wanting to be rude, I responded politely to the certification enquiry, etc., concluded with a thank you of my own to this guy for joining the board since he added wit, charm and manners to it, but didn't touch the *cute* comment.

I received another chatty PM that I didn't feel the need to respond to. A couple of days later, I get another PM from this character asking me if I have more photos of myself, and if I'd care to share, I was provided with an email address. () Well, I didn't want to overreact but his request made me feel rather uncomfortable and I removed my avatar.

I thought about this for a few days and then notified a mod on the board to see if this was a common occurrence. She wrote that it wasn't, felt his behaviour was inappropriate as well and will address it for me.

My point is, I was merely being friendly, I made no reference to his appearance, nor did I feel I encouraged any further reaction beyond my first response to his PM. Apparently he saw the situation differently, or he's just the predatory type.

[Walter]

Caetllonn, I thought you were cute before you posted a photo.

[annasea]

Caetllonn, I thought you were cute before you posted a photo.

Walter, I may be naive but I'm not stupid... that's not the kind of cute he was writing about.

[cmt489]

What you are referring Caetllonn is definitely a common problem on the internet. You don't want to be rude but you also don't want to open the door to the full blown internet come on. It is hard given that messages on boards tend to be taken to a different level - if you respond, you must be flirting and you must be interested. Of course, this is not always the case.

This being said, however, flirtly is simply a form of human interaction (IMO). Really, it ought to simply be referred to as a form of engaged conversation. As soon as you have engaged conversation with a member of the opposite sex, you are considered to be flirting. If the conversation is with someone of the same sex it is simply considered to be engaged conversation. Given that I believe in engaged conversation, I guess I will always be seen as flirting (much to the unhappiness of my BF...)

[annasea]

What you are referring Caetllonn is definitely a common problem on the internet. You don't want to be rude but you also don't want to open the door to the full blown internet come on. It is hard given that messages on boards tend to be taken to a different level - if you respond, you must be flirting and you must be interested. Of course, this is not always the case.

This being said, however, flirtly is simply a form of human interaction (IMO). Really, it ought to simply be referred to as a form of engaged conversation. As soon as you have engaged conversation with a member of the opposite sex, you are considered to be flirting. If the conversation is with someone of the same sex it is simply considered to be engaged conversation. Given that I believe in engaged conversation, I guess I will always be seen as flirting (much to the unhappiness of my BF...)

I totally agree with your "engaged conversation of the opposite sex" statement, Michelle. I think it's generally the men that see it as flirting, rather than the women. I have no problem, or very little problem, with bantering back and forth with someone who seems interesting.

What I didn't like about this exchange was the request for pictures. Whyever would I want to forward pictures of myself to a complete stanger?? I simply cannot comprehend the notion.

[cmt489]

What I didn't like about this exchange was the request for pictures. Whyever would I want to forward pictures of myself to a complete stanger?? I simply cannot comprehend the notion.

I completely agree!!!

[finGrabber]

What I didn't like about this exchange was the request for pictures. Whyever would I want to forward pictures of myself to a complete stanger?? I simply cannot comprehend the notion.

I completely agree!!!

I agree too, but there are people out there who would send their pictures..

[madlobster]

And of course had you (or anyone) at that point sent a picture then he/she has your email address and the walls come tumbling down. It's truely best to be reserved while cruising the net.