104 replies to this topic

[annasea]

Personally, I think the best advice by far given in this thread is to be yourself. Shine yourself up a bit if you need to, but the less you stray from your natural state, the easier time you'll have in the long run. Keeping up a facade is most difficult. It's like lying as opposed to telling the truth. It's much easier to keep track of the truth than a lie.

BTW, not all women (or men for that matter) like to be teased. The phrase "piss or get off the pot" comes to mind...

[Moose]

Personally, I think the best advice by far given in this thread is to be yourself. Shine yourself up a bit if you need to, but the less you stray from your natural state, the easier time you'll have in the long run. Keeping up a facade is most difficult. It's like lying as opposed to telling the truth. It's much easier to keep track of the truth than a lie.

BTW, not all women (or men for that matter) like to be teased. The phrase "piss or get off the pot" comes to mind...

That's really my point. What if who you really are, is something that isn't appealing to others? I don't cow- tow to fashion. I don't worry much about people's perseption of me. As a result, I guess I'm just not that attractive to others.

[annasea]

Personally, I think the best advice by far given in this thread is to be yourself. Shine yourself up a bit if you need to, but the less you stray from your natural state, the easier time you'll have in the long run. Keeping up a facade is most difficult. It's like lying as opposed to telling the truth. It's much easier to keep track of the truth than a lie.

BTW, not all women (or men for that matter) like to be teased. The phrase "piss or get off the pot" comes to mind...

That's really my point. What if who you really are, is something that isn't appealing to others? I don't cow- tow to fashion. I don't worry much about people's perseption of me. As a result, I guess I'm just not that attractive to others.

Well, maybe you're going after the wrong women. It's great to put your best foot forward, etc., but if what you're presenting is not the real you, the woman is bound to find that out sooner or later. And then what? She'll probably dump you. Isn't it better that you were yourself (with some polish if needed) right from the beginning and saved both of you time and heartache?

Personally, I think the best advice by far given in this thread is to be yourself.

There's only one problem with "being yourself."

You run the risk of being no longer seen as interesting to either others or yourself, assuming that you are honest with yourself. There is also the possibility of -- exposing yourself-- to having one or more "deal breakers" without the option of a deeper look by others to determine how they came to be there--or if they really are dealbreakers after all.

Who am I? Like most, sometimes I'm happy, sometimes sad -- at times funny and giddy, others with a solemnity so heavy that entire planets cannot escape my orbit.

I work, I've toiled, sometimes to the detriment of my personal satisfaction in life. I would like to believe that what I have done in life has a certain amount of meaning and value.

See what I mean?

PlatypusMan

No, I don't understand. Can you elaborate please? (I've had more chocolate this past week than some people eat in a lifetime so things (my brain?) aren't working quite as they should. )

[Walter]

Moose, will you marry me?

Ok, I'm been following the thread here closely. I'll give a try as to the advice that Walter gave me. Here is the recap of his advice...

Tease her. Talk about current events. Tease her. Talk about diving. Tease her. Talk about music. Tease her. Oh, did I forget to tell you - tease her.

So, Sunshinediver. How are you doing? Will I marry you? Lets see, How much do you make a year? Awe, I'm just kidding. So, did you hear that Kansas got nearly 32 inches of snow yesterday? They need dive gear just to get to their cars!
So what kind of music do you listen to? I'm a huge Tori Amos fan. But most of my radios are set to jazz or Blues stations. I guess living in Florida there is not much snow or blues eh? But I bet you get to do some great diving year round.

So, how did I do? It was my first time trying Walter's approach. So please bear with me.

One thing I learned in sales, when you've made the sale, stop selling. Sign the deal, she's a keeper, man!

[jholley309]

(I've had more chocolate this past week than some people eat in a lifetime so things (my brain?) aren't working quite as they should. )

Hmm. You know, I've heard that chocolate releases some of the same endorphins in a woman's brain that sex does.

Careful...

Cheers!

Jim

[sunshinediver]

Moose, will you marry me?

Ok, I'm been following the thread here closely. I'll give a try as to the advice that Walter gave me. Here is the recap of his advice...

Tease her. Talk about current events. Tease her. Talk about diving. Tease her. Talk about music. Tease her. Oh, did I forget to tell you - tease her.

So, Sunshinediver. How are you doing? Will I marry you? Lets see, How much do you make a year? Awe, I'm just kidding. So, did you hear that Kansas got nearly 32 inches of snow yesterday? They need dive gear just to get to their cars!
So what kind of music do you listen to? I'm a huge Tori Amos fan. But most of my radios are set to jazz or Blues stations. I guess living in Florida there is not much snow or blues eh? But I bet you get to do some great diving year round.

So, how did I do? It was my first time trying Walter's approach. So please bear with me.

Oh dear, not Walter's approach!

We've got a lot of blues in Florida. I love blues music, and jazz, rock, and just about everything except for rap and country. I go to the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival every year! We don't have much snow here. I think the last time was 1988, though some claim to have seen a little snow a few weeks ago. It has been in the 70s lately, perfect for SCUBA diving year round (as you guessed...see, I listen .

Now, what is your approach?

Have you been on any of the SD dives? Where is your next dive planned? When and where was your last?

[sunshinediver]

One thing I learned in sales, when you've made the sale, stop selling. Sign the deal, she's a keeper, man!

Okay, Walter. That's the nicest thing you've said to or about me on SD! Thanks.

[sunshinediver]

(I've had more chocolate this past week than some people eat in a lifetime so things (my brain?) aren't working quite as they should. )

Hmm. You know, I've heard that chocolate releases some of the same endorphins in a woman's brain that sex does.

Careful...

Cheers!

Jim

Why do you think we girls like chocolate SO much?

[annasea]

What I've written here is just a bit about my life and myself as I see it.

Pretty dull stuff, isn't it?

Now--look at a pretty typical laundry list that many women post in online dating sites and also state when interviewed:

Tall, attractive, 'chemistry', travels a lot, goes places and does exciting things.

No match at all, is there? THAT'S why so many feel the need to project a facade--in order to give themselves a fighting chance.

PlatypusMan

I see! But I don't agree.

Frankly, I'd be more inclined to want to know more about the guy that wrote:

You run the risk of being no longer seen as interesting to either others or yourself, assuming that you are honest with yourself. There is also the possibility of -- exposing yourself-- to having one or more "deal breakers" without the option of a deeper look by others to determine how they came to be there--or if they really are dealbreakers after all.

Who am I? Like most, sometimes I'm happy, sometimes sad -- at times funny and giddy, others with a solemnity so heavy that entire planets cannot escape my orbit.

I work, I've toiled, sometimes to the detriment of my personal satisfaction in life. I would like to believe that what I have done in life has a certain amount of meaning and value.

Than the guy that wrote:

Tall, attractive, 'chemistry', travels a lot, goes places and does exciting things.

With the exception of 'chemistry', most of the other attributes listed screams *icing* whereas the first quote conveys depth, maturity and self-reflection.

Sure, the *pretty boy* who travels 6 months of the year looks good, but maybe he's as dim as the day is long. Who wants to be with someone who can't hold up their end of the conversation? Supeficial, insecure people, I guess. But what happens when the looks fade, the money's gone and health dissipates? Your supposed love match disappears, too, I'd reckon.

[jholley309]

Now--look at a pretty typical laundry list that many women post in online dating sites and also state when interviewed:

Tall, attractive, 'chemistry', travels a lot, goes places and does exciting things.

Well, one of the keys is for the women to actually reply to an e-mail from us tall(ish), attractive travelers so we can regale them with tales of adventures in faraway places and thus ignite the chemistry between us. Of the major domestic dating sites I've tried, I got exactly 2 dates in three years of trying, and maybe 4 legitimate replies (not counting the various scammers) out of literally a hundred or so contacts.

Now, I might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but when a woman states in her profile that she's yearning for the exact type of guy I generally describe myself as (excluding tall, but including educated, reasonably cultured, and well-traveled) but can't be bothered to answer her e-mails, 2 plus 2 just doesn't add up to 4. It's a serious indicator that she's not as sincere as she says she is, and that's pretty close to the top of my dealbreaker list, right below lack of emotional intimacy.

Of course, the women have it even worse. I actually know a guy who can barely comprehend any written communication and has even more trouble writing coherently; his profile on a dating site (actually three at once by the last count) is absolutley stunning. He had someone else write it for him. No, not me; he asked, I refused. Of course, the women see the profile and the pic (he's not bad looking, I'll give him that) and expect Prince Charming, only to get a "Hey, I R glad U writ me darlin'. Your plum purty!" reply to their e-mail. Not hard to figure out how far that one goes.

That's why I tend to agree with the sentiment expressed on SD in various other threads the "Internet dating" is pretty much a crock. It's designed to generate revenue, not relationships. There are a few exceptions (well, one that I've found so far, but there are bound to be others as well) but the catch there is it crosses international borders. Kinda makes it tough to just pop down to the local corner bistro for an espresso.

Just remember: in cyberspace, no one can hear you scream.

Cheers!

Jim

[Twinklez]

Personally, I think the best advice by far given in this thread is to be yourself.

There's only one problem with "being yourself."
You run the risk of being no longer seen as interesting to either others or yourself, assuming that you are honest with yourself. There is also the possibility of -- exposing yourself-- to having one or more "deal breakers" without the option of a deeper look by others to determine how they came to be there--or if they really are dealbreakers after all.
Who am I? Like most, sometimes I'm happy, sometimes sad -- at times funny and giddy, others with a solemnity so heavy that entire planets cannot escape my orbit.
I work, I've toiled, sometimes to the detriment of my personal satisfaction in life. I would like to believe that what I have done in life has a certain amount of meaning and value.
See what I mean?
PlatypusMan

No, I don't understand. Can you elaborate please? (I've had more chocolate this past week than some people eat in a lifetime so things (my brain?) aren't working quite as they should. )

What I've written here is just a bit about my life and myself as I see it.
Pretty dull stuff, isn't it?
Now--look at a pretty typical laundry list that many women post in online dating sites and also state when interviewed:
Tall, attractive, 'chemistry', travels a lot, goes places and does exciting things.
No match at all, is there? THAT'S why so many feel the need to project a facade--in order to give themselves a fighting chance.
PlatypusMan

You're not dull John, and you're great to snuggle up to at a Happy Hour!

And you do travel John, more than I do or have. I've never been out of the US - yet. You're tall too and attractive. Diving is exciting and what woman wouldn't be at least curious about a jeweler? Remember, I've seen some of your work; it's wonderful.

Chemistry...well, isn't that what it's about? You meet someone and are drawn, or you get to know someone and like them more each time you're near them. How can that happen if you're not being you?

Let me tell you about The Man in the Box. You see I married The Man in the Box. My last husband was younger than I by a lot of years, and both of us hopeless romantics. Our relationship was one separated by many miles. He didn't own a computer and was on the road constantly anyway - he drove a big truck longhaul. He would call me each night in the middle of the night and we'd talk sometimes for hours about everything you can imagine. He wrote the most beautiful letters telling me he deepest thoughts and how wonderful our life would be together. I wrote back. He shared his dreams with me and included me in them. I had a pretty box covered in gold damask that I put all of his cards and letters in. I kept it by my bed and when I was lonely I'd get them out and reread every word. A little less than a year after we met, we married. He stayed in California with me until I sold my home and then I moved here to Texas with him. While we were living in California he always seemed nervous and a little uncomfortable, even insecure. I chalked it up to him being a country boy who was totally out of his element in Southern California. But when we got to Texas, everything changed. Everything, and I mean everything about him was a lie that he had lived just to impress me. He brought his city girl home to the country as though I were some kind of prize he had won. It took a number of years of wondering what went wrong with my marriage to realize that in my mind, I fell in love with and thought I married the man in my beautiful gold box of charming love letters. The man who was wearing my ring was not that man; he was his creator. Each day after we were married he slowly slipped out of the facade until the man that slept next to me each night unveiled himself as ... well, something other than what had been presented. Several times during our 5-year marriage I became very aware that he viewed himself as a failure. And why shouldn't he? He was unable to be the person he had created and promised to be. That was not who he was.

You know that saying, "If something seems too good to be true, it usually is"? Well, the most important thing you can do is to be yourself. Please don't be The Man in the Box!

[Twinklez]

...But what happens when the looks fade, the money's gone and health dissipates? Your supposed love match disappears, too, I'd reckon.

Nope. The word 'NEXT' is then heard throughout the land...

PlatypusMan