161 replies to this topic

[Blackhawk]

Well I'm like this to anyone I don't know... It's part of me being me. Rather you're a guy or a girl... I've insulted one to many strangers with smart ass comments... Most people tend to not like feeling stupid infront of someone they just met and from what I've been told I have a keen ability to make people feel stupid. (not sure how true it is but I'm very much a point out the obvious dry sense of humor type of guy)... So it's better to be nice and until I know you and change based on how well I think you'll handle it.

In other words there are some people whom I consider good friends that I'm NOT a smartass with (and it's really hard holding it back) because they'd simply be insulted.

I don't want someone on their best behavior unless that's how they most always are. I don't want to be teased so much early on though either, unless that's who you are. Remember, you're just getting to know each other and sometimes it's hard to tell how to take someone who's being playful, especially if he's doing it because he think he should. I prefer a little mischief mixed with an equal amount of substantial conversation or interaction.

So true! Thank you for writing this, Tina! Nothing worse than someone turning on the charm solely to attract another's attention. As you say, if that's how s/he really is, it's fine, but otherwise, don't waste my time. I once met someone who was just an absolute delight! At first. Then with time, all that playfulness and whimsy disappeared. Had I known what this person's true nature really was, I never would have spent so much energy on him. I tried numerous times to find an explanation for the behaviour change... assumed it was my fault, but frankly, I feel he deliberately misrepresented himself.

back, BTW!


Jim,

Based solely on your writings and hearsay, you are indeed a gem! I have no doubt you'll find what you're looking for and so richly deserve.

[Walter]

There's a big difference between teasing someone and insulting/making them feel stupid. That's never a good idea.

[WreckWench]

Well I'm like this to anyone I don't know... It's part of me being me. Rather you're a guy or a girl... I've insulted one to many strangers with smart ass comments... Most people tend to not like feeling stupid infront of someone they just met and from what I've been told I have a keen ability to make people feel stupid. (not sure how true it is but I'm very much a point out the obvious dry sense of humor type of guy)... So it's better to be nice and until I know you and change based on how well I think you'll handle it.

In other words there are some people whom I consider good friends that I'm NOT a smartass with (and it's really hard holding it back) because they'd simply be insulted.

Ok I guess I could see that...but I guess it depends on the person. So you've probably reached the right compromise...nice at first then witty as you get to know people! Just as long as the fun and witty part comes out sooner vs later! You'll get the feel for it as you continue to read people and evolve!

There's a big difference between teasing someone and insulting/making them feel stupid. That's never a good idea.

Walter that is not something he does intentionally. People sometimes leap to that conclusion, hence why he is cautious and careful to get to know people first so he won't be misunderstood.

[Twinklez]

Well I'm like this to anyone I don't know... It's part of me being me. Rather you're a guy or a girl... I've insulted one to many strangers with smart ass comments... Most people tend to not like feeling stupid infront of someone they just met and from what I've been told I have a keen ability to make people feel stupid. (not sure how true it is but I'm very much a point out the obvious dry sense of humor type of guy)... So it's better to be nice and until I know you and change based on how well I think you'll handle it.

In other words there are some people whom I consider good friends that I'm NOT a smartass with (and it's really hard holding it back) because they'd simply be insulted.

That's the whole point - we're not talking about friends and aquaintances; we're talking about love and life together.

If you establish a relationship based on a facade, whether completely or partially, you will never be happy and eventually you'll be miserable because you're not being true to who you are. It's ok to test the waters be reserving a little bit of you for later, but if you determine that the person you're interested in is one who wouldn't appreciate or understand your dry sense of humor then you're wasting your time. Chalk it up to a polite friendship and keep scanning the horizon - she's out there.

There's a big difference between teasing someone and insulting/making them feel stupid. That's never a good idea.

Ahh, a perfect example: There was a man on SD that I was so smitten by when I first encountered him, but he poked at me a few times and it hurt. I didn't know his comments were in jest; I still don't know for sure that they were. In any case, it made me feel little so I stopped flirting and thus, so did he. From time to time I wonder, is that really who he is? Maybe it's just a crusty facade put in place to protect his heart that would fade away when he finds what he's looking for. I'll probably never know.

[secretsea18]

To add a different twist to this thread.

I live alone, own my house, dive, hike, bike, own a pet (or does she own me???)have a job and earn my own money.

I have been told that I am not needy enough to be considered as a potential date.
That I don't need a man in my life, since I am able to take care of things on my own.

I guess I will have to stop ~
doing all those things I love
using the intelligence I have aquired over 40 years of living
just to make myself needy enough to have a man ask me out.

On the other hand ~ I am enjoying my life.
I would love to have a man to share it with but if I have to stop being ME I would rather be alone.

I have no time for the "bad boys" or the "wimps".
Men who like themselves and are able to consider my input while also adding their own thoughts and ideas, are the ones who catch my interest.

I have no desire to run anyones life but my own.
If I wanted to have someone who needed full time care I would have another child.

I second all of this (except for having a kid part)... I too own my home, have a good job with responsibility and take care of myself. Go out, meet men who then want to be friends... ugh...

Where are all these men wanting to meet serious kind women for relationships?

[Twinklez]

To add a different twist to this thread.

I live alone, own my house, dive, hike, bike, own a pet (or does she own me???)have a job and earn my own money.

I have been told that I am not needy enough to be considered as a potential date.
That I don't need a man in my life, since I am able to take care of things on my own.

I guess I will have to stop ~
doing all those things I love
using the intelligence I have aquired over 40 years of living
just to make myself needy enough to have a man ask me out.

On the other hand ~ I am enjoying my life.
I would love to have a man to share it with but if I have to stop being ME I would rather be alone.

I have no time for the "bad boys" or the "wimps".
Men who like themselves and are able to consider my input while also adding their own thoughts and ideas, are the ones who catch my interest.

I have no desire to run anyones life but my own.
If I wanted to have someone who needed full time care I would have another child.

I second all of this (except for having a kid part)... I too own my home, have a good job with responsibility and take care of myself. Go out, meet men who then want to be friends... ugh...

Where are all these men wanting to meet serious kind women for relationships?

They're all stuck in relationships with wimpy women!

Seriously, while I was in California a few months back taking care of dad, I asked him. Hey, he's a guy; he would know right? And, he certainly was in a position to look at my relationships from the outside. Dad says that many men are intimidated by strong independent women, and those that are not intimidated may simply shy away because they need a relationship that makes them feel needed. Strong, independent women don't tend to fill that void unless the guy is saavy enough to realize that while you don't need him to take care of you, you do need him to care "for" you. Big difference. And hey...just because I don't need someone to take care of me doesn't mean I wouldn't like someone to help me take care of me, and vice versa.

You know, last week I took an informal survey of some aspects of my life and I realized that all of my long-term or special friendships are with men. Wondering if that's another side effect of that strong independent female personality.

But as Gis_Gal said, "I am enjoying my life. I would love to have a man to share it with but if I have to stop being ME I would rather be alone."

[drbill]

I, for one, am a male who welcomes a strong, independent woman who realizes that our lives would both take on added enjoyment and meaning if we were to form a solid partnership. To me, that's the essence of a real partnership. I have had relationships with women who were very dependent on me, and often drained me to the point the relationships were lucky to survive a few months.

[tkoinfla]

Where are all the nice guys? Well all I can say is we are out there but when you reach a certian age ane and it differs for every one (over 40 under 50) life become a little more dificult. How do you find a nice single lady who can take care of them selves and allow you to be the person that you are? I am a single dad I have raised my daughter from the age of three and she is currently in college needless to say she and I have a very special relationship and I find that women I meet have a very hard time understanding that I can't and won't give them 100% of me because my daughter will always come first. Now that is not to say that there can't be two ladies in my life but I find that most women around my age are devorced and have kids of thier own and they expect me to accept the fact that they are single moms and have a reponsiblity to thier kids ut wont't accept the same aout me and my kid. Maye I've just met the wrong people but it sure can get frustraiting

[zesach]

This is quite a thread!

I'm divorced (2 kids), and have been single for the last three years. It would seem that two things matter most when it comes to meeting and connecting: care and feeding.

Care: for yourself and the person you're with. It's a truth that each of you is on your best behavior at the beginning of any courtship/relationship - so in one sense, it's the best it's going to get, though as you learn each other better, if it's working, it obviously gets better provided you each really care.

Feeding: a relationship needs to be nurtured and fed - if both aren't contributing, a happy future seems pretty unlikely.

Personally, I prefer meeting women who are strong, independent, smart, passionate, fun, and don't need a man to be complete. They're fully-realized individuals on their own; and when in a great partnership, are able to bring even more to the table because they don't "need" that relationship, rather as someone said earlier, they want it.

Having said all that, my now ex-girlfriend (a great person that introduced me to the world of scuba diving) shows that I haven't been able to put it together - so that this for what it's worth:)!

[scubagirl]

This is a WONDERFUL thread. Since I have found myself in a newly found relationship (with a Brit...who would have thunk it!) and I am a very strong woman, I am having to learn how to back-off a bit. That doesn't mean I am not being myself. And certainly, he is not a whimp, but a gentleman. My main goal is to find someone who enhances my life, not take it over. And I appreciate the nice guys! So don't give up! Don't change! Be yourself!

[jholley309]

My main goal is to find someone who enhances my life, not take it over.

Aha! Very well said! To cop a popular British phrase, "Good show!" (I'll refrain from the not-neccessarily-age-related appellation commonly placed at the end of that phrase out of respect... )

Cheers!

Jim

[txagdive]

you should never have to change who you are to be with someone...they should simply complement who you are...i know as a guy i want to feel like i can protect and keep a woman safe as to my raising but even an independent woman will cuddle to a man's stregth when she feels safe doing that...more power to a strong woman it makes her an equal which takes much strain off the relationship!

Edited by txagdive, 05 February 2007 - 12:13 PM.

[shadragon]

[If you establish a relationship based on a facade, whether completely or partially, you will never be happy and eventually you'll be miserable because you're not being true to who you are. It's ok to test the waters be reserving a little bit of you for later, but if you determine that the person you're interested in is one who wouldn't appreciate or understand your dry sense of humor then you're wasting your time. Chalk it up to a polite friendship and keep scanning the horizon - she's out there.

Perfectly stated...

[jonjon]

Do me right or do me wrong I don't care>
Just do me!!

[seafox]

I think scuba diving and snowboarding with good friends are much more fun than trying to figure out the rules to all the mind games people play....

Add riding and rock climbing with good friends and that's my kind of thinking!

Cornel