Actually they still exist and beginning February 1, Charlotte, NC will be my business related home.Hey girl...we've missed you too!!! Good to see you back! I hope all the issues you were facing are more resolved if not completely gone!!!
Love: Advice Needed
Started by
VADiver
, Dec 15 2004 11:03 AM
108 replies to this topic
#61
EbonyMermaid
-
- Member
-
- 162 posts
Meeting folks
- Location:Houston, Texas
- Gender:Female
- Cert Level:OW
- Logged Dives:15
Posted 04 January 2005 - 06:29 PM
#62
drbill
-
- SD Partners
-
- 4,486 posts
I spend too much time on line
- Location:10-200 feet under, Santa Catalina Island
- Gender:Male
- Cert Level:Rescue
- Logged Dives:who's counting, definitely four digits
Posted 04 January 2005 - 06:33 PM
I've always been one to put developing good relationships and love first, but I'm beginning to think that Raven is right... a good torrid lust affair might be just the answer! Especially true since this near constant rain is keeping me oout of the water and in front of the video editing computer.
Dr. Bill
Dr. Bill
#63
BradfordNC
-
- Member
-
- 815 posts
Everyone knows me
- Location:Fayetteville, North Carolina
- Gender:Male
- Cert Level:certifi-what?
- Logged Dives:2 and 1/2
Posted 04 January 2005 - 08:56 PM
uh huh, you just wanted to get closer to the great NC wreck diving..... beginning February 1, Charlotte, NC will be my business related home.
oh yeah, check out this years Scuba Diving Readers Choice awards.
OK, lets make a deal. If you stop telling me how to dive, I'll stop going down to the bus station at 2am to slap d***s out of your mouth.
#64
DryHeatDiver
-
- Member
-
- 42 posts
Getting started
- Gender:Male
- Cert Level:
Posted 07 January 2005 - 11:23 AM
Hey VADiver,
How are you doing? Was thinking about you when I saw this post. Hopfully this finds you well and on the road to recovery.
Mike
How are you doing? Was thinking about you when I saw this post. Hopfully this finds you well and on the road to recovery.
Mike
#65
2dive4
-
- Member
-
- 110 posts
Meeting folks
- Location:Sparks, NV
- Gender:Female
- Cert Level:Master Diver
- Logged Dives:Over 198
Posted 07 January 2005 - 01:47 PM
No matter how much it hurts right now...tomorrow is a new day! One day at a time and call me when you get home from Iraq. You're a cutey! 
2dive4
2dive4
#66
DMP
-
- Member
-
- 113 posts
Meeting folks
- Location:It's an Enigma
- Gender:Male
- Cert Level:TDI Blender #144987,Master Diver, Soon to be Dive Control Specialist
- Logged Dives:100-150
Posted 09 January 2005 - 10:05 PM
Given time after the pain ceases, wounds heal and scars will dissapear. You will find enlightnement and that true special one.
#67
Raven
-
- Member
-
- 88 posts
On a roll now.....
- Location:South Carolina
- Gender:Female
- Logged Dives:Over 250
Posted 10 January 2005 - 12:06 PM
Hey there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I just wanted to poke my head in here and say hello.
Chin up to all.
Me, I am doing much better and I have a positive outlook. For now anyway. Hahahaha
It is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and the body is self healing with time. Love won't kill you even though it sometimes feels you're gonna die.
Well, for me, I've realized that it is NOT selfish to put oneself first. Thanks to all those who supported me through the tough times and I plan on sharing the good times with as well. And, I know there will be good times soon. As a matter of fact I just got back from a cruise to the Bahamas with my son and it was WONDERFUL.
I think that I will not give up on love just yet and maybe it is out there for me. I am not going to shut myself off to it just yet but I am not going to search for it or hold on to what really isn’t mine anymore. Or never really was mine. Hmmm. Anyway.
I think that I’ve realized that I have to improve me in order to have better more successful romantic relationships. By this I mean, I need to listen to my head more. I need to not overlook things that my senses are telling me – right from wrong. I am usually a very good judge of character and I should not dismiss those assessments for any reason. I should not be so imprudent in my romantic relationship. AND I should stay true to myself…. I should expect good things for myself and expect to be treated accordingly. Never allow anyone to treat you less than great.
I think that I found an epiphany this morning. See -- lately I’ve been in a reaction mode of behavior. But, if I had been true to myself, I would not have to be reactive. I would remove myself from situations where my treatment is less than great. And, I would not be, in any way, reacting or wanting to react back to things that continuously hurt me and I would not hurt anyone’s feelings in return. No fighting either because I would be gone at the sign or it. I used to think that any relationship worth having was worth fighting for. NO – People hear this. Being in a relationship worth having would not be a fight all the time. That’s not to say you won’t have differences to work through but FIGHTING, hurtful words and actions – uhn huh. No. A relationship worth having should be loving, caring, and kind, giving, compassionate, passionate, and easy not extremely difficult, trusting and trustworthy, not hurtful. That is a relationship worth having. So I need to recognize these things and remove myself from relationships that are not “worth” having. I need to nurture the relationships worth having, as defined above.
So I challenge you all to do the same if you have not already. Maybe this year this is the new resolution. Improve myself for a better romantic relationship. Practice removal behavior not reactive behavior. Why react to someone not treating you with respect. No being faithful to your relationship, not being truthful or forthright. Just remove yourself from the relationship and all that stops. It isn’t easy but once it is practiced a little I feel confident that it will become a natural behavior.
Anyway. That’s my 2 cents for today.
Hope everyone has a great day.
R
Well, I just wanted to poke my head in here and say hello.
Chin up to all.
Me, I am doing much better and I have a positive outlook. For now anyway. Hahahaha
It is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and the body is self healing with time. Love won't kill you even though it sometimes feels you're gonna die.
Well, for me, I've realized that it is NOT selfish to put oneself first. Thanks to all those who supported me through the tough times and I plan on sharing the good times with as well. And, I know there will be good times soon. As a matter of fact I just got back from a cruise to the Bahamas with my son and it was WONDERFUL.
I think that I will not give up on love just yet and maybe it is out there for me. I am not going to shut myself off to it just yet but I am not going to search for it or hold on to what really isn’t mine anymore. Or never really was mine. Hmmm. Anyway.
I think that I’ve realized that I have to improve me in order to have better more successful romantic relationships. By this I mean, I need to listen to my head more. I need to not overlook things that my senses are telling me – right from wrong. I am usually a very good judge of character and I should not dismiss those assessments for any reason. I should not be so imprudent in my romantic relationship. AND I should stay true to myself…. I should expect good things for myself and expect to be treated accordingly. Never allow anyone to treat you less than great.
I think that I found an epiphany this morning. See -- lately I’ve been in a reaction mode of behavior. But, if I had been true to myself, I would not have to be reactive. I would remove myself from situations where my treatment is less than great. And, I would not be, in any way, reacting or wanting to react back to things that continuously hurt me and I would not hurt anyone’s feelings in return. No fighting either because I would be gone at the sign or it. I used to think that any relationship worth having was worth fighting for. NO – People hear this. Being in a relationship worth having would not be a fight all the time. That’s not to say you won’t have differences to work through but FIGHTING, hurtful words and actions – uhn huh. No. A relationship worth having should be loving, caring, and kind, giving, compassionate, passionate, and easy not extremely difficult, trusting and trustworthy, not hurtful. That is a relationship worth having. So I need to recognize these things and remove myself from relationships that are not “worth” having. I need to nurture the relationships worth having, as defined above.
So I challenge you all to do the same if you have not already. Maybe this year this is the new resolution. Improve myself for a better romantic relationship. Practice removal behavior not reactive behavior. Why react to someone not treating you with respect. No being faithful to your relationship, not being truthful or forthright. Just remove yourself from the relationship and all that stops. It isn’t easy but once it is practiced a little I feel confident that it will become a natural behavior.
Anyway. That’s my 2 cents for today.
Hope everyone has a great day.
R
DISCLOSURE WARNING! Contents contained in my posts may be witty, intellectual, intriguing, playful, educable, fun-loving, brass, or even offensive. I apologize in advance if the later two apply. Feel free to respond with a witty, intellectual, intriguing, playful, educating, fun-loving manner; or simply ignore. R "Come get wet with us." www.deepsouthdivers.org
#68
jextract
-
- Member
-
- 4,210 posts
I spend too much time on line
- Location:Los Angeles, CA
- Gender:Male
- Cert Level:Instructor, Divemaster, Nitrox, Rescue, Wreck, ...
- Logged Dives:120ish
Posted 10 January 2005 - 12:15 PM
Sounds like things are going better for you - that's GREAT! You definitely have the right idea on how you will approach things in the future. Great relationships aren't worth "fighting for," they don't have that kind of toxic behavior to start with. And you learned perhaps the most important lesson: no one treats you worse than you let them.
Glad you had a great trip with your son, too.
Glad you had a great trip with your son, too.
"Because I accept the definition, does not mean I accept the defined." -- ScubaHawk
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
#69
Marvel
-
- Member
-
- 4,057 posts
I spend too much time on line
- Location:Lauderdale By The Sea, FL
- Gender:Female
- Cert Level:AOW, Nitrox
- Logged Dives:200+
Posted 10 January 2005 - 12:15 PM
I think that I’ve realized that I have to improve me in order to have better more successful romantic relationships. By this I mean, I need to listen to my head more. I need to not overlook things that my senses are telling me – right from wrong. I am usually a very good judge of character and I should not dismiss those assessments for any reason. I should not be so imprudent in my romantic relationship. AND I should stay true to myself…. I should expect good things for myself and expect to be treated accordingly. Never allow anyone to treat you less than great.
Wise words.
Marvel
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C. S. Lewis
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C. S. Lewis
#70
Walter
-
- Member
-
- 7,549 posts
I need to get a life
- Location:Lehigh Acres, Florida
- Gender:Male
- Cert Level:Instructor
- Logged Dives:4 digits
Posted 10 January 2005 - 01:00 PM
I'm impressed with your progress, Raven.
No single raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood.
DSSW,
WWW
DSSW,
WWW
#71
KBScarlett
-
- Member
-
- 50 posts
On a roll now.....
- Location:West Palm Beach, FL
- Gender:Female
- Cert Level:AOW / Nitrox (aiming for Rescue)
- Logged Dives:100+
Posted 10 January 2005 - 01:08 PM
Raven, I'm glad to hear you're doing well....if you have a lapse, just call on any of us.
I agree with what Marvel just quoted from your post. One thing I've said to people many times is that your gut knows things long before your head....it's trusting that it's right that's the hard part. My last very long term relationship (three years ago now) was just one big fight after the other, and I told myself when I got out of it that I would not go back to that kind of thing again. Crying and arguing all the time is not what love is about.
My recent "relationship" that I described a few pages back could very well have continued for much longer....but this time, I listened to that gut feeling that told me he just wasn't in the same place I was (am). As much as it hurt(s), I knew and know that staying together would have just caused much more pain if I held on.
I think that for many people that niggling little feeling in our gut is what we should listen to, but gets ignored too often. I'm now starting to get to a place where I trust my instinct/gut (pick a term), regardless of all the other feelings screaming in my head.
I also think that often women (yes, even in today's world) are socialized to "please" people, and we therefore don't stand up for ourselves when it comes to those personal things. We keep trying to please those people in our lives instead of realizing it's ok to say no, or stand up for ourselves, or whatever other issue is at hand. (I know men can also have similar situations in relationships, and I might get a few negative reactions my specifying that it's women only....) So we have an additional "barrier" to conquer as well.
I agree with what Marvel just quoted from your post. One thing I've said to people many times is that your gut knows things long before your head....it's trusting that it's right that's the hard part. My last very long term relationship (three years ago now) was just one big fight after the other, and I told myself when I got out of it that I would not go back to that kind of thing again. Crying and arguing all the time is not what love is about.
My recent "relationship" that I described a few pages back could very well have continued for much longer....but this time, I listened to that gut feeling that told me he just wasn't in the same place I was (am). As much as it hurt(s), I knew and know that staying together would have just caused much more pain if I held on.
I think that for many people that niggling little feeling in our gut is what we should listen to, but gets ignored too often. I'm now starting to get to a place where I trust my instinct/gut (pick a term), regardless of all the other feelings screaming in my head.
I also think that often women (yes, even in today's world) are socialized to "please" people, and we therefore don't stand up for ourselves when it comes to those personal things. We keep trying to please those people in our lives instead of realizing it's ok to say no, or stand up for ourselves, or whatever other issue is at hand. (I know men can also have similar situations in relationships, and I might get a few negative reactions my specifying that it's women only....) So we have an additional "barrier" to conquer as well.
#72
divediva
-
- Member
-
- 18 posts
Getting started
- Location:Brooksville, FL
- Gender:Female
- Cert Level:NAUI AOW
- Logged Dives:Approx. 546 (lost my log book years ago)
Posted 10 January 2005 - 04:28 PM
You're lucky to have been blessed with the ability to have loved, and to love again. Like you, I refuse to let a broken heart make me bitter and a recluse because if I did that, then I wouldn't be me. One thing no one can ever take from you is your soul and spirit....like the DESERATA SAYS: You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, and you have the right to be here.
On the " a relationship worth having is worth fighting for".......I always thought that if it was a healthy relationship, why would I be put in a position where I had to fight for anything. That statement has put me into "deep thought" so many times in my life......and still, I feel that I shouldn't ever have to fight for my love, after all, you can't make someone love you if they don't. Unless it was fighting to save someone's life, or something of that caliber........Back into "DEEP THOUGHT"....
If anyone knows the answers......please email them to me!
Count your blessings,
Kelly
On the " a relationship worth having is worth fighting for".......I always thought that if it was a healthy relationship, why would I be put in a position where I had to fight for anything. That statement has put me into "deep thought" so many times in my life......and still, I feel that I shouldn't ever have to fight for my love, after all, you can't make someone love you if they don't. Unless it was fighting to save someone's life, or something of that caliber........Back into "DEEP THOUGHT"....
If anyone knows the answers......please email them to me!
Count your blessings,
Kelly
#73
Walter
-
- Member
-
- 7,549 posts
I need to get a life
- Location:Lehigh Acres, Florida
- Gender:Male
- Cert Level:Instructor
- Logged Dives:4 digits
Posted 10 January 2005 - 04:45 PM
Answers? You want answers?
The answer is Go Diving! In other words, don't concentrate on finding your love. Concentrate on healing from the heartbreak. Concentrate on making yourself a fun person. Concentrate on not letting yourself be a victim. You'll meet lots of wonderful people along the way, one of them might just be perfect for you.
The answer is Go Diving! In other words, don't concentrate on finding your love. Concentrate on healing from the heartbreak. Concentrate on making yourself a fun person. Concentrate on not letting yourself be a victim. You'll meet lots of wonderful people along the way, one of them might just be perfect for you.
No single raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood.
DSSW,
WWW
DSSW,
WWW
#74
Sophia
-
- Member
-
- 684 posts
Everyone knows me
- Gender:Female
- Cert Level:Advanced and Rebreather
- Logged Dives:100?
Posted 10 January 2005 - 06:10 PM
Answers? You want answers?
The answer is Go Diving! In other words, don't concentrate on finding your love. Concentrate on healing from the heartbreak. Concentrate on making yourself a fun person. Concentrate on not letting yourself be a victim. You'll meet lots of wonderful people along the way, one of them might just be perfect for you.
Diving might work for most people, but our beloved VADiver is in Iraq. Therefore, the usual short-term remedies, drinking, diving and a mindless fling are unavailable or a bad idea.
#75
JohnnyC
-
- Member
-
- 85 posts
On a roll now.....
- Location:Houston Texas
- Gender:Male
- Cert Level:Rescue Diver- did most of my diving on Okinawa
- Logged Dives:67
Posted 10 January 2005 - 06:14 PM
Well the answer????
Hmmmmm........Spontiniety is the wine of life, drink not the water of mediocrity.
Basically do what you want, make yourself happy, BBQ alot ( I like cooking brisquet), drink some good scotch, sing loudly, have good friends, , dance naked in your living room when no-ones around, go sailing, drink some more scotch, and somewhere along the way you might find love, and if not it was one hell of a ride!
Just my mindless ramblings for the day.
Johnny
Hmmmmm........Spontiniety is the wine of life, drink not the water of mediocrity.
Basically do what you want, make yourself happy, BBQ alot ( I like cooking brisquet), drink some good scotch, sing loudly, have good friends, , dance naked in your living room when no-ones around, go sailing, drink some more scotch, and somewhere along the way you might find love, and if not it was one hell of a ride!
Just my mindless ramblings for the day.
Johnny
The road goes on forever and the party never ends!
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users
