141 replies to this topic

[drbill]

And being my hobby is Scuba Diving.....you do not meet that many Single female divers at the far corners of the world. Thus will I have Childern?.....Who knows.....but I am going diving and have fun!

Have you tried Japan, Scott. I've heard the ratio of male:female SCUBA divers there is 1:4. Sure has tempted me although I'd rather go to Palau or Guam or Hawaii which they frequent while on vacation.

You already know what the social life is like (or, more accurately, isn't like) here on Catalina.

Edited by drbill, 10 January 2006 - 08:37 PM.

[Twinklez]

... My personal opinion is that age isn't as much of a factor as experience. ... and is likely to exhibit immature behaviours, such as avoidance, denial, paralysis, and inappropriate anger when faced with tough situations. ... I think compatability is more important than age. ... They just have no common experiences in life ...

Cheers!

Jim

I had to go back and read what I wrote after reading your post. It really isn't age that makes all the difference, but age is often directly related to the number and types of lifes experiences a person has had. So often we use age as an inappropriate screening tool. Yes, I'm guilty of that. I'm so afraid of being caught up in anything like the relationship I just went through that I probably haven't given many of the men I've met a fair chance. I've also completely ruled out anyone who was born, raised and still lives here locally feeling that they're most likely to have the same backwoods mentality of the man I was most recently married to. And... in addition, I unfairly added to that filter by maintaining a safe distance from men with careers in law enforcement. (The Sig .357 I bought him for his academy graduation didn't look as pretty when it was pointed at me.)

We had nothing in common. We were both at different intellectual and emotional levels. I woke up happy happy every day, and he woke up pissed off and paranoid. I was successful and he struggled to acquire and keep entry level positions. I loved horses - he was afraid of them. He was angry that my sons would come home from school and go to their rooms to read instead of running wild in the woods and drinking like he did in high school. We were from two different worlds and they were not lining up.

So it really wasn't age that caused the demise of that relationship - it was doomed from the start. But...I do believe that 10 years down the road, he will look back at the whole situation a lot differently. He may never have the maturity to admit it, or the intellect to understand it; but he will see it differently. And, so will I.

[Travelnsj]

Have you tried Japan, Scott. I've heard the ratio of male:female SCUBA divers there is 1:4. Sure has tempted me although I'd rather go to Palau or Guam or Hawaii which they frequent while on vacation.

You already know what the social life is like (or, more accurately, isn't like) here on Catalina.

Bill,

I have met and seen quite a few lady Scuba Divers from Japan in Malaysia, Australia and Palau.....They never breathe! They are so cute.....all white or pink ScubaPro reg, fins, masks, wetsuits etc. very few speak much English and in Palau they usually dive with the Japanese dive shops.....You should come with me to Palau in March...and check it out.....There are a lot of very nice looking ladies especially when they wiggle out of their Wetsuits!...are you sweating now?

Regarding Catalina nightlife....You have the New Toucans Chi Chi Club Party on

[Talos]

it depends on the people my wife is 15 yrs older then me and we have been married 11 years the only reason we are getting a divorce is i couldnt handle the lies any more and the fact that she kept pushing me farther and farther to my breaking point and i watched the destruction geting worse and was affraid that one day she was gonna push me to far and i would do something we would regret. so the maturity lvl of both parties matters if both are mature adults it can work. i know i was'nt the best all the times either.

[Diverbrian]

My last nightmare of a long term relationship was with a woman who was 42 when I was 28. Immaturity on the part of both parties ended it, but the "more physical" side of the relationship was great. I learned a lot but don't have nor expect to have the opportunity to practice for a few years to come.

To be honest, a couple of years ago, I wanted children. Now, I don't want to be putting junior through college on my social security. When I met the 42 year old lady, I didn't want children and neither did she. I didn't become interested in the concept until after we broke up. Now, I would be happier with a woman of any age (legal) who wants to grow to know each other. Age difference would be immaterial.

[finley]

it depends on the people my wife is 15 yrs older then me and we have been married 11 years the only reason we are getting a divorce is i couldnt handle the lies any more and the fact that she kept pushing me farther and farther to my breaking point and i watched the destruction geting worse and was affraid that one day she was gonna push me to far and i would do something we would regret. so the maturity lvl of both parties matters if both are mature adults it can work. i know i was'nt the best all the times either.

Very sorry to hear what you are going through...I know it's tough but ...it's a tunnel not a cave...you will come out on the other side.

[Twinklez]

...it's a tunnel not a cave...you will come out on the other side.

Wow, that's a great analogy Finley! You do come out the better side; with more knowledge, experience and insight. I've learned more about my self from my failings than I have from my successes. It's painful, but it's a learning process that facilitates our growth if we let it.

[WreckWench]

I had to go back and read what I wrote after reading your post. It really isn't age that makes all the difference, but age is often directly related to the number and types of lifes experiences a person has had. So often we use age as an inappropriate screening tool. Yes, I'm guilty of that. I'm so afraid of being caught up in anything like the relationship I just went through that I probably haven't given many of the men I've met a fair chance.

Tina you are so insightful...

You and Jim are absolultely right about age being the easy indice for what life experiences you've had or not had...I know I recently met a man that is younger than I am but far more mature for his age than many guys my age or older. Owning your own home and business at 20 plus a host of other accomplishments and experiences that many of us have never known or don't have until a much later time in life...offsets the gap in the years.

And in fairness to myself...when I was younger and had the life experiences of 2 people crammed into just the first 20 to 25 years of my life...I found it difficult to find men younger than myself who could then correspondingly have the life experiences of the same 2 lifetimes I'd had let alone more. So I was very anti-younger guys for most of my adult life...in fact the 3 rules in those days were...

1. Had to be older
2. Had to be taller
3. Had to wear jeans that were the same size or larger than me!


Now I've matured and perhaps guys have had a chance to *live* life as much as I did in my 20's. So they have a chance to catch up so to speak!

I do think when both parties have reached a certain maturity level that age is in fact merely a *number* but both people have to realize other attributes that are more important to them and then age is immaterial. If having kids is important...marrying a man 20 years older unless he has kids already is not going to get you children. Marrying one too much younger might get you babies AND your husband to raise as Tina found out. So yes...age does matter depending on the values you have in and for your life.

But going back to the original post...I am very glad that society is more accepting of younger men being with older women. The whole Mrs. Robinson thing was very narrow minded and society has NOT accepted these relationships well in the past! The women is usually a Mrs. Robinson and they guy is usually a *boytoy*

[Diverbrian]

But going back to the original post...I am very glad that society is more accepting of younger men being with older women. The whole Mrs. Robinson thing was very narrow minded and society has NOT accepted these relationships well in the past! The women is usually a Mrs. Robinson and they guy is usually a *boytoy*

In the case of my older ex, until people knew that we were seeing each other it was "mother-son" on the confusion of everybody. I couldn't count the times that:

a) I younger woman would make a flagrant pass at me because she thought I was with my mom and available. Oh yes, because I am so dense, I wouldn't see it and continue the conversation (Ladies, remember the "2x4 rule" if you want me. Hit me over the head with a fin, 2x4, mallet, or other firm object and I will realize that you are interested in that kind of relationship. Otherwise, it will take decades for me to figure it out.). She would get angry at me for encouraging the poor lass.

b) A clerk or waiter/waitress would refer to me as the son and/or her as mother to either one of us.

Anyways, those were my impressions of having been the "boy-toy". Yes, society is more accepting now. But, given a choice I would rather date someone closer to my age range on either side. The "generation" issues just seem to get in the way for me after a while. I am not interested in cocooning myself in a house and retiring and I am not interested in many of the things that many of the twenty-somethings at work are "into".

[Twinklez]

Thank you Wenchie, but it was Jim who pointed it out and caused me to open my eyes.

On the other hand Brian's experiences in public are similar but actually opposite to some I've had while out with my sons. They are very big, very hairy guys and do not at all look their ages.

Steven was only 17 when I took him to have an ingrown toenail corrected and the nurse looked at me and asked if I'd like to accompany my husband into the examining room. The reaction by my son was priceless! If I go out to eat with either of them the hostesses often try to seat us on the same side of the booth.

Not complaining...it's an even better compliment than being asked for my license when purchasing alcohol.

[drbill]

If having kids is important...marrying a man 20 years older unless he has kids already is not going to get you children.

Um, tell that to my way ex-GF who gave birth to our son 22 years ago. Oh, wait, I was only 18 years older not 20! I think I'm quite capable of doing the same today... NOT that I'd want to!

[Travelnsj]

In dating some one younger, one thing I have found and most of my peers will agree, which are Men or Women, as you get older, through your experiences you have learned a lot. Whether it be in business, dating etc...you have heard it all…or almost...now it depends on how you much you want to be amused, tolerance for the excuses or if you choose to believe.

Recently I met someone on a plane (a few months ago) we hit it off. Chemistry was there, she was attractive, articulate, held a top job with a major cosmetics manufacture, about 15 years younger and she had been a partner in a Major SoCal company she built over the last ten years with her Ex. Most importantly she was not needy! Perhaps the perfect match?

Due to our travel schedules and she lived an hour away it took about a month to get together. We got together a couple of times had a great time...then she had no time to get together....(here is where experience comes into play)….The Rhetoric starts...or lets call it what it is BS....I amused myself for a few weeks getting the hour long phone calls....the e-mails.....finally I responded to one of her e-mails...am I your Phone and E-mail Boytoy?.....If you are back together with your Ex or met someone else...please lets move on or be buddies yada yada....Well if fact I was right….which is Ok….

The point being….is trying not to become Jaded or Cynical…because you have heard it all….But dating someone younger (which i perfer)…..you can usually spot the Rhetoric…a mile away….But I will Endeavor to Pursue……maybe she is out there…..In the meantime…Palau, Belize, Bali/Timor, Rangiroa and a couple of other trips await me…for 2006....

[drbill]

In the meantime…Palau, Belize, Bali/Timor, Rangiroa and a couple of other trips await me…for 2006....

Ah, Rangiroa! A few years ago I met an absolutely lovely "princess" from there on a flight from the Cook Islands to Papeete. She caught my eye from across the airport terminal (not a very large one) and I was shocked when she turned out to be my seatmate on the flight. We had a fantastic time, laughing the entire flight... but, alas, along with a beautiful smile she had a BF in Papeete. More important, she had a wonderful personality and high intelligence. She alone convinced me I was going to love Tahiti (and she was right). Where are you now, Merita?

Edited by drbill, 12 January 2006 - 12:21 PM.

[finley]

The point being….is trying not to become Jaded or Cynical…because you have heard it all….But dating someone younger (which i perfer)…..you can usually spot the Rhetoric…a mile away….But I will Endeavor to Pursue……maybe she is out there…..In the meantime…Palau, Belize, Bali/Timor, Rangiroa and a couple of other trips await me…for 2006....

My question is...why do you prefer younger women...